forever_lost Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Background I posted before: dumped nearly three months ago after 2.5 years of dating and living together. Thought we had it all and were happy, but she was a serial monogamist over the past decade and felt both stifled and unhappy. I had just moved to a new city and was looking forward to better our relationship through long-distance, but instead she quit on me over the phone, saying she was sorry but she needed space. I unfortunately begged and pleaded, but she didn't relent, and it quickly moved from warm and "maybe one day" to cold and "never". I've been NC for a couple weeks now, and am out of the country for work. It's been nice to be consistently distracted in a new place, but I think about her a lot because this was a trip we had planned to take together. My discipline is breaking down, partially because she has contacted me twice saying nothing substantial, and because I miss her dearly and am wondering what she is up to and if she's moved on. I know I will be blasted by all of you saying that she isn't coming back, but I can't myself but hope that she will soon. Not really asking for advice, except maybe how to maintain NC discipline even when distracting myself as much as possible. Mainly I needed to just say this to people who might understand, because there aren't too many people who I can talk to on a personal level right now. I know the hard truths, but some words of encouragement would be appreciated if y'all are feeling generous. Thanks, all.
David87 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Background I posted before: dumped nearly three months ago after 2.5 years of dating and living together. Thought we had it all and were happy, but she was a serial monogamist over the past decade and felt both stifled and unhappy. I had just moved to a new city and was looking forward to better our relationship through long-distance, but instead she quit on me over the phone, saying she was sorry but she needed space. I unfortunately begged and pleaded, but she didn't relent, and it quickly moved from warm and "maybe one day" to cold and "never". I've been NC for a couple weeks now, and am out of the country for work. It's been nice to be consistently distracted in a new place, but I think about her a lot because this was a trip we had planned to take together. My discipline is breaking down, partially because she has contacted me twice saying nothing substantial, and because I miss her dearly and am wondering what she is up to and if she's moved on. I know I will be blasted by all of you saying that she isn't coming back, but I can't myself but hope that she will soon. Not really asking for advice, except maybe how to maintain NC discipline even when distracting myself as much as possible. Mainly I needed to just say this to people who might understand, because there aren't too many people who I can talk to on a personal level right now. I know the hard truths, but some words of encouragement would be appreciated if y'all are feeling generous. Thanks, all. First of all, next time she calls you, ignore it, I know it's hard and it feels very un natural but that is your only chance to heal. Im not going to say to you that's se isn't coming back cuz i guess you already know that... and don't hope that she will one day
Author forever_lost Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 First of all, next time she calls you, ignore it, I know it's hard and it feels very un natural but that is your only chance to heal. Im not going to say to you that's se isn't coming back cuz i guess you already know that... and don't hope that she will one day Both were emails/text, and I did ignore them both. It just was unfortunate to receive them then because both came at times that I somehow wasn't thinking about her. And while I understand the fact that she probably isn't coming back, why the adamance that I shouldn't hope? Is it really preferable to have that hope crushed in an instance versus having it fade away naturally?
David87 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Both were emails/text, and I did ignore them both. It just was unfortunate to receive them then because both came at times that I somehow wasn't thinking about her. And while I understand the fact that she probably isn't coming back, why the adamance that I shouldn't hope? Is it really preferable to have that hope crushed in an instance versus having it fade away naturally? Because she will meet someone new pretty soon that's why. Like you I was hoping that one day she will come back to me. Guess what she found a new boyfriend, with huge muscles, huge banck acount and the best job in the world. I felt crushed, because she is doing so well while I was dying a day at a time.... That's why you should kill hope. Btw I'm at 2 months of NC.
rosedl Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If you moved to a new city, it is tough to maintain and build intimacy by distancing. If she has made it clear that she doesn't want to reconcile, there is not much you can do but respect it. I didn't want the break up with my boyfriend but he told me that he didn't want a relationship akin to marriage or to ever be married. I guess I did want a forever commitment, and he didn't want that type of relationship. He couldn't get rid of me fast enough. Especially hard since he broke up once before and the things he said when we reconciled about choosing me and commitment went out the window just a few months later. Heart broken twice in less then a year. Brutal. Nothing I can do. I tried to talk to him about what I thought were the underlying issues. It pretty much ended the relationship. I am done contacting him. I suggest you do the same. What else can we do unless we want to put ourselves through a perpetual rejection cycle disempowering ourselves while they move on with their lives. So sorry. 1
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