The dark side of an A.....the things they don't tell you

[love2givemyall]

I'm here to confess.....to seek counsel, guidance, wisdom and share in the dark side of an A.

 

I'm a 45 married other m who has been in an A for almost 1.5 yr with mow 15 yrs younger than I both have kids and both work at same place.

 

I've had an A 8 years ago with a mow at my work and it went on about 1 year before she tired of me not leaving my w and we ended up just moving on and not talking. my prev mow was so in love with me she was ready to leave her H at my request. I couldn't do the same. Hence, the end.

 

Now i'm in an A with mow and she is getting that itch of wanting to be together long term. The same pressure, choice of words, expressions of wanting to leave her H are the same as my prev A 8 years ago.

 

My current mow, we love being an item and talk, text and weekly se- x in private settings fairly regularly.

 

the problem they don't tell you about an A is that it becomes a relationship. Yes, not just a fling but two people emotionally invested. In my case, my mow being much younger than I, wants to have all of me but she can't now, maybe never. i can't tell her this though. Not yet because i'm not even sure what to do. Just keep the A going and enjoy it knowing we are a BF GF and both would love to run off and be married to each other but that 'wont happen until we leave our spouses (which i would have a hard time doing).

 

Well, throw a wrench in all this and another former co-worker and i have been talking via text and she wants to have an full blow dirty A with me. It's all done in terms of agreement. Now just the act. The problem is, having 2 A's feels like i'll be on overload. I just know 2nd mow that wants to have an A with me is very emotional and will become attached since her M is in the dumps. I told her we are fwb and she agreed but i can see she's attached to me emotionally. just like my current mow is attached and emotionally committed to me.

 

when i'm by myself, like now, i feel like this is the only place to turn to. Where people here care, share and want to help support and give their guidance.

 

Be warned......I can't imagine having 2 A's while being a mom. It feels like a wild time and fun but the emotional attachment and relationships are just too much to support. I can barely handle my mow now and my w let alone another new a with a mow.

 

Thank you

[Eggplant]

Out of curiosity, how does the topic of having an A even come up? I can't even imagine how bold one or both of the parties at work have to be to speak those words...

 

As far as advice, I'm afraid I don't really understand your motives or expectations. What is it that you want? Are you happy? Do you feel guilty? How is your wife doing?

[love2givemyall]

Out of curiosity, how does the topic of having an A even come up? I can't even imagine how bold one or both of the parties at work have to be to speak those words...

 

As far as advice, I'm afraid I don't really understand your motives or expectations. What is it that you want? Are you happy? Do you feel guilty? How is your wife doing?

 

Hi EP

 

Thank you for your reply

 

I'm stressed at times. Keeping up with a full blown A relationship is taxing. Throw in the thought of having a 2nd A while having an existing one is thrilling but I can see it turning into another relationship i have to manage

 

At times I just want to get a breather from it all. The anxiety, stress and burden of carrying on multiple relationships is beyond belief,

[Artie Lang]

you're a serial cheater, buddy.

 

sounds like you never addressed what led you to your first affair, that's why you find yourself in another one.

 

 

GROW UP, ALREADY!

[TaraMaiden]

Hi EP

 

Thank you for your reply

 

I'm stressed at times. Keeping up with a full blown A relationship is taxing. Throw in the thought of having a 2nd A while having an existing one is thrilling but I can see it turning into another relationship i have to manage

 

At times I just want to get a breather from it all. The anxiety, stress and burden of carrying on multiple relationships is beyond belief,

You do realise you have choices, don't you?

Ferchrissakes, man, grow a spine.

 

here's how I see it.

 

You're married, and yes, you're a serial cheater.

This means that actually, you're not the 'steady relationship/marrying kind.

You can't keep it in your pants.

 

So, here's what you have to do.

End your affair, and end your marriage.

Move out, give your wife the life she deserves, because being married to you, isn't it.

 

Dump your AP. If she's getting clingy and you don't like it - stop it.

Nobody says you're obligated to stay if you don't want to.

You owe her nothing, she's just another phukk, that's all.

 

It's your fault she's getting 'permanence' ideas, because you've never denied it.

 

You need to man up, grow a spine and do the right things.

because right now, you're just being a complete 'bar~steward' and using people.

And it's biting you on the @ss.

 

So do something about it.

[Ruffian1]

Just keep the A going and enjoy it knowing we are a BF GF and both would love to run off and be married to each other but that 'wont happen until we leave our spouses (which i would have a hard time doing).

 

 

So, I gather you would like to be married to this OW?

 

Why would you have a hard time doing that? (Leave you W) OW is willing . . .

[bentleychic]

You obviously don't want a serious relationship with either OW since you are planning on having an A with both of them. PLEASE for the love of God, tell them both that they are not the only so they can know to detach themselves from you emotionally and protect themselves sexually (std's, etc.).

 

I agree with Artie. You're obviously searching for something. Since one OW didn't scratch that itch and you're going for a second...it makes me wonder what your breaking point will be. I know my MM has a hard time hiding and keeping up with one A (though we're in a full blown R and he can barely keep up time wise with myself and his regular life) so I cannot imagine more than one.