Boyfriend of 8 years left me for his pregnant mistress

[Sjdunn1990]

Me and my partner haven't been right for a few months. Id noticed he didn't want to have sex anymore and wasn't affectionate. I had approached the subject a few times but he put it down to being tired which he had been. I brought it up again the other day and this time he said he didn't feel the same way about me anymore, when I asked if he loved me he said he didn't think he did. I decided it was best to break up. I was sad but didn't feel all was lost as we have been together since we were young and feel he just needed time to think. At least I could still be in contact with him and would have him as a friend if nothing else.

 

I received a tipoff the next day however from a total stranger that he had been cheating for 4 months and the girl was now pregnant. This came as a total shock. We were planning on buying a house together, we had been on holiday together and was planning our next holiday ect.

 

I spoke to him about it and it appeared it was true. It seems like he does like this girl and it is likely they will get together. He said it was nothing I done and he didn't love the girl or me. He does like this other girl. He didn't want a kid but the girl is keeping it so he knows he's gotta step up now.

 

I desperately wanted kids with him, I was waiting for the right time. I feel like this girl is living the life I should have. She loves him.

 

I feel totally abandoned. He was truley my soul mate and best friend. I can't imagine being with anyone else I would have a connection with and that would understand me the same way. I no I shouldn't have any contact and should leave him to his new life and the bed he has made. I miss him though, when I'm upset it would always be him I go to. It's been 48 hours and I still haven't stopped crying., I can't eat or drink without being sick. I can't cope. I want to die - it hurts so bad and nothing makes it go away. I know talking to him would make me feel better temporarily but won't help me get over him.

 

I don't understand what she has that I haven't. I just need tips on coping as I'm not. I already suffer from depression and I am on medication for this. I had halved my dose prior to this but have decided to double it again. I'm so lonely. I do have friends and family but if don't have the bond I had with him with anyone else so I'm not getting any comfort from there kinds words.

 

Please help

Edited February 6, 2014 by Sjdunn1990

[TXGuy]

Not to be too snarky, but if you really want this guy in your life, give it a couple of years. The chances of things working out with his baby-momma is dismal. Chances are very high they will break up within 2 years.

 

Otherwise, do what you need to do to get over him and be thankful you found this out before YOU had a kid with him.

[Sandy99]

This sounds so sad. I would find a therapist asap. This is going to be really hard for you (or anybody) to get over. But also remember that just because somebody is having a kid with somebody and they sort of like that person does not mean they are going to be spending a lifetime with them. People have kids all the time with people they aren't even dating. So don't over think the future too much between your ex and this new girl. Yes, there will be a baby in his life, but it doesn't mean this new girl is going to have some fabulous life with him. There is no evidence of that at this point. All she did was get pregnant with somebody who was in a long term relationship with somebody else. That's all you know at this point. And who really would want to be in that other girl's shoes? It really sounds awful.

[OhThatGirl]

She had everything with him you wanted? You mean, you wanted to be the other woman who got knocked up by someone who honors relationships by sleeping around?

 

Nah. She got a bunch of bullsh*t. You got the better end of this deal. Trust me. This is not going to end "happily ever after" for them.

 

You're lucky you got out. Now you get to find someone that wants the same things, has more respect for you and your relationship.

 

It's incredibly hard but you're not missing out on anything. Believe that.

[CarrieT]

There are no soul mates.

 

The heart is a resilient muscle that heals and will love again.

 

BTW, how old are you?

[Sjdunn1990]

I'll admit that I am young. Only 23. I am very mature though as I am a nurse and work with older people. I'm not doing very well with the NC rule. Spoke to him both evenings. I will try and be strong today. I really need your support though guys.

 

Unfortunately I found out who the girl is. Automatic response is to compare myself to her. The girl isn't thinner or prettier than me which I think makes me feel better but also makes me wonder what is it he likes. She was engaged in the Sept expecting a baby with someone else I found out yest. She dumped him and apparently lost the baby. I really feel Dan is the rebound and she's got pregnant again as a replacement :/ she was on the pill and you no if you've missed one and could then get the morning after pill. I still care about Dan and don't want him to be trapped by a baby. The girl seems to think dans a bit of a low life and seemed annoyed when she found out she was pregnant ect Dan was with me. I can't believe if she 'loves him' that she's put up with him being with me all the time. I can't believe she apparently loves Dan after knowing him 4 months and breaking up with her fiancée only a month prior to meeting Dan. The situation is so odd!

 

I found out who she was due to Facebook of all ridiculous places. Her friends kept adding me and telling me stuff about Dan. This is why I had to speak to Dan again to find out the truth. I'd been told he'd cheated on me with 5 different girls. This was not true.

 

I've deleted all of these people and all of Dan and his family number ect so I have no way of contacting him. I'm not sure if I feel better or worse knowing who the girl is. She seems like a silly little girl which makes me feel better about myself but I still care about Dan and don't want him to fall into her trap. I can't believe I've been dragged into this ridiculous scenario of 'he said she said', rebounds and drama. I feel like I'm back at high school!

 

I can't stop thinking about her and him still and it makes me feel sick. Ive still not accepted he has gone. I don't no how to accept it? Any advise?

Edited February 7, 2014 by Sjdunn1990

[Sjdunn1990]

Please help me. I can't stop wondering what he's doing and if he's with her or if he is thinking about me. I keep thinking of then together. I don't no how to switch it off help me I'm going nuts

[CarrieT]

I'll admit that I am young. Only 23. I am very mature though as I am a nurse and work with older people.

Okay, here is the first thing you need to learn and understand... You may feel mature, but scientifically, you still have half-baked brain syndrome. In other words, your frontal cortex is still developing - and will do so for another three years at least - and until you have completed that biological step of having your brain fully integrate, you are incapable of making sound decisions for yourself.

 

 

I'm not doing very well with the NC rule. Spoke to him both evenings. I will try and be strong today. I really need your support though guys.

Stop talking to him. Post here when you feel the temptation to connect with him.

 

You are still fresh from the hurt so it will take time, but it WILL get better. Look beyond the fact that you have had eight years with him. Understand that the relationship may not have survived anyway...

[No Limit]

I don't understand what she has that I haven't.

 

A fetus in her womb, the best trick to chain a man to you.

Temporarily, that is.

 

If it wasn't for the child he wouldn't have left you, would never have told you.

Be glad you're rid of him, if he's starting with cheating this early it won't end well anyway. When that girl tells him to go after the baby when he wants to go out with his buddies all will be over in no time.

 

Distract yourself. I don't understand why many people coming out of a relationship don't get this but there's more in life than this other person. There's you for example and your friends, hobbies, maybe a pet or two.

And all of them are better than him.

 

Plus, you're young. You'll find someone new, someone better. Just be glad you didn't have to find out when you're 35 and having children etc.

 

And if that's him in your avatar, change it.