cynthia888 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Hi everyone, I just joined this forum. I've been looking for a place to get dating advice (I usually need an awful lot, ha), and looks like I found the right place. Right now, a situation is driving me crazy and I need some perspective. I'll try to share the simplified version: I met a guy in early November at a restaurant. Please know he lives about 1.5 hours away. We texted and chatted on the phone afterwards and eventually went out on one dinner date. It was great; he said he wanted to see me again. We tried to meet twice again after that but had to cancel both times due to crazy snow weather. In mid December, he was going on vacation for three weeks. Between the date and mid-December (about three weeks), he and I were in contact daily...phone calls, texts...he would often call me at 8am and leave a voicemail on his way to work...I felt he was showing clear signs of interest. Then after Christmas, he called me from the airport before his trip. Unfortunately, I missed the call so he left a voicemail saying he would try to connect with me when he was gone. So I left back a voicemail, wishing him a good trip and said he doesn't have to worry if we don't talk on his trip and we would talk when he was back. Assuming he came back when he said he would, it's been over two weeks and I haven't heard a single thing from him. I have to say I have horrible luck with men, but this guy truly seemed genuine and interested. Any thoughts to why he hasn't contacted me? (This was a solo trip he took and of course I already have visions that he met the love of his life on the plane!). But seriously...I'm not bothered if he doesn't want to see me again, I'm just so darn curious on why he hasn't contacted me when he would talk to me daily before then. I know he was a bit stressed before his trip, but he always seemed to make time for me then. And finally, I'm not afraid to be the one to contact him...I just don't know if 1) Do I bother? It's a clear case of "he's just not that into you" or 2) What do I even say? I don't want to sound crazy. I'm okay letting go. At the end of the day, I realize I want better than the guy who won't communicate with me...but I'm just so darn curious about what "went wrong". >.< Thank you for reading and hope I gain some insight.
HofbrauBock Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like things were going great and who is to know what happened. You can let your imagination run wild and run all kinds of what-if scenarios through your mind. But does that really do any good? In the end he is either going to contact you or not. Maybe it's simply that he will apologize and explain that his trip was extended. Either way it turns out, it's wasted thought/worry. Whenever you feel the time is right, I would give him a call and leave a voicemail if he doesn't pick up. After that, it's in his hands and you can safely forget about it and live your life with no regrets. BAM
winny Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Hi everyone, I just joined this forum. I've been looking for a place to get dating advice (I usually need an awful lot, ha), and looks like I found the right place. Right now, a situation is driving me crazy and I need some perspective. I'll try to share the simplified version: I met a guy in early November at a restaurant. Please know he lives about 1.5 hours away. We texted and chatted on the phone afterwards and eventually went out on one dinner date. It was great; he said he wanted to see me again. We tried to meet twice again after that but had to cancel both times due to crazy snow weather. In mid December, he was going on vacation for three weeks. Between the date and mid-December (about three weeks), he and I were in contact daily...phone calls, texts...he would often call me at 8am and leave a voicemail on his way to work...I felt he was showing clear signs of interest. Then after Christmas, he called me from the airport before his trip. Unfortunately, I missed the call so he left a voicemail saying he would try to connect with me when he was gone. So I left back a voicemail, wishing him a good trip and said he doesn't have to worry if we don't talk on his trip and we would talk when he was back. Assuming he came back when he said he would, it's been over two weeks and I haven't heard a single thing from him. I have to say I have horrible luck with men, but this guy truly seemed genuine and interested. Any thoughts to why he hasn't contacted me? (This was a solo trip he took and of course I already have visions that he met the love of his life on the plane!). But seriously...I'm not bothered if he doesn't want to see me again, I'm just so darn curious on why he hasn't contacted me when he would talk to me daily before then. I know he was a bit stressed before his trip, but he always seemed to make time for me then. And finally, I'm not afraid to be the one to contact him...I just don't know if 1) Do I bother? It's a clear case of "he's just not that into you" or 2) What do I even say? I don't want to sound crazy. I'm okay letting go. At the end of the day, I realize I want better than the guy who won't communicate with me...but I'm just so darn curious about what "went wrong". >.< Thank you for reading and hope I gain some insight. Just send a simple... hey how are you... how was your trip .. text. If he replies you can move forward. 1
Author cynthia888 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 I wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like things were going great and who is to know what happened. You can let your imagination run wild and run all kinds of what-if scenarios through your mind. But does that really do any good? In the end he is either going to contact you or not. Maybe it's simply that he will apologize and explain that his trip was extended. Either way it turns out, it's wasted thought/worry. Whenever you feel the time is right, I would give him a call and leave a voicemail if he doesn't pick up. After that, it's in his hands and you can safely forget about it and live your life with no regrets. BAM Thanks so much. And you're right, the crazy imagination doesn't really do any good. >.< Just send a simple... hey how are you... how was your trip .. text. If he replies you can move forward. Thanks. I was thinking moreso along the lines of "Hi XX, I was just thinking about you. Hope you had a good trip." Is it better to ask a question or make a statement? I don't want to expect a response. >.<
winny Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Thanks so much. And you're right, the crazy imagination doesn't really do any good. >.< Thanks. I was thinking moreso along the lines of "Hi XX, I was just thinking about you. Hope you had a good trip." Is it better to ask a question or make a statement? I don't want to expect a response. >.< Oh yeah... the reason you are sending the text is because you are expecting a response who are you trying to cheat ;-) I would put some more dots at the end of "trip" and add a smiley... "Hi XX, I was just thinking about you Hope you had a good trip...."
Author cynthia888 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Oh yeah... the reason you are sending the text is because you are expecting a response who are you trying to cheat ;-) I would put some more dots at the end of "trip" and add a smiley... "Hi XX, I was just thinking about you Hope you had a good trip...." I know, I know. >.< It's more like I WANT a response but I don't expect to get one. I don't know if I'm even going to bother anymore. I just keep thinking if he was into me, he'd say something. His silence clearly means it's over. I just wish I knew why. That's what's frustrating me. :|
Phantom888 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 His silence means: 1) He's busy, and you are lower on the priority list than what he's doing. 2) He is pursuing someone else at the moment, so he is busy. 3) He met the love of his life OUTSIDE the plane, at the airport Starbucks. 4) Something tragic happened to him where he lost his tongue (for talking) and his fingers (for texting). 5) He turned gay, and you are too much woman for him. 6) He had time to think about you during his trip, and concluded you are not a good match for him, but he is too scared to tell you, so he figured you would disappear on your own if he ignores you. Call him to confirm. I'm taking bets here. Choose your bet everyone!
Author cynthia888 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 His silence means: 1) He's busy, and you are lower on the priority list than what he's doing. 2) He is pursuing someone else at the moment, so he is busy. 3) He met the love of his life OUTSIDE the plane, at the airport Starbucks. 4) Something tragic happened to him where he lost his tongue (for talking) and his fingers (for texting). 5) He turned gay, and you are too much woman for him. 6) He had time to think about you during his trip, and concluded you are not a good match for him, but he is too scared to tell you, so he figured you would disappear on your own if he ignores you. Call him to confirm. I'm taking bets here. Choose your bet everyone! Ha. I assume it's 2 or 6. What do you suggest I say?
Ruby Slippers Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Dating advice I read somewhere is that "men reveal themselves in their effort (or lack of it)". I think it's true. If he's not contacting you anymore, he's not interested. Sorry. You can chase him if you like - but do you really want a guy who drops off the radar and stops communicating with you? I don't.
Author cynthia888 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Dating advice I read somewhere is that "men reveal themselves in their effort (or lack of it)". I think it's true. If he's not contacting you anymore, he's not interested. Sorry. You can chase him if you like - but do you really want a guy who drops off the radar and stops communicating with you? I don't. I think you're absolutely right. I've thought about it, and realize I can't respect him anymore. I want the guy who is eager to talk to me as soon as he is back from vacation and by not communicating with me, (I'm not a moron), I get he's no longer into me. However, I need to say something to me. I'm a "need closure" type of person. I'm thinking I'll send a simple text saying I hope he had a nice trip and I wish him all the best. That's not dramatic right?
Ruby Slippers Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I think you're absolutely right. I've thought about it, and realize I can't respect him anymore. I want the guy who is eager to talk to me as soon as he is back from vacation and by not communicating with me, (I'm not a moron), I get he's no longer into me. However, I need to say something to me. I'm a "need closure" type of person. I'm thinking I'll send a simple text saying I hope he had a nice trip and I wish him all the best. That's not dramatic right? It's not dramatic. If you feel you need to do that for closure, go ahead. But I'd first consider his possible reactions and how you might handle them. If he sounds happy to hear from you, is all forgotten and you continue as before? Or is your "all the best" message closing a door?
Versacehottie Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Ha. I assume it's 2 or 6. What do you suggest I say? Hmmmm, well wondering why you say 2 or 6? My real answer would be who cares what his reason is. What is yours? Basically, the important part sounds like his reason NOT his interest. I get and have been there before myself. I think it's number 1--in that, what the "reason" is, it's clear that you are not a top priority. Now, at the moment. That's all you have to take from it. I think if you are the type who typically needs an explanation or an answer now, do something different this time and WAIT IT OUT. It doesn't mean it's bad if you haven't heard from someone right away. And if you have had a not-so-great track record, you owe it to yourself to try something DIFFERENT. Since you essentially are saying this guy doesn't matter to you that much, do an experiment and try something different. Wait for him to contact you. I think he will. Try operating with the upper hand. If he contacts you, you most definitely will be. That will be a constructive learning experience, in and of itself. If you reach out to him to find out why, even if it is innocent, how was your trip, he has upper hand. I vote for trying something different. Most guys don't have the verbal and emotional capacity to tell you the reason. They will show you. You need to play the game. Sorry but it's the truth. Good luck.
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