Br1ghtestDay Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I'll keep it relatively simple: A coworker and I used to text and talk every morning and night. Finally, we ended up making out and dating. She never had any time for me (I saw her about once a month outside of work...yeah), so I called it off. She blew up my phone for weeks, basically saying that it wasn't okay to not be friends anymore, so I gave in. She started going out a lot more with friends, so since we were still on good terms, I asked to try again, and she said "she doesn't know what she wants right now." Aka, no. I must note that I'm clinically depressed and have anxiety issues. She's a VERY slow responder, and refuses to talk on the phone, even when we were going strong, so it triggers my emotions badly when it takes forever for her to respond during a serious talk. I got horrifically needy, begging and blowing up her phone to try again, for about two months, and it finally escalated so badly that I had a sit down with her and we talked it out and I backed off. We were getting along great again. She started touching me a lot at work, flirting, laughing at my jokes, and going out of her way to talk to me. We started texting a lot again, and she asked me to lunch on Saturday. We got along fine, gave a hug goodbye. Later, I texted her to get dinner on Thursday, to which she agreed, but she said she could only stay for a half hour. She stayed for two hours. I was going out to a part on Friday, and invited her with the warning that when I'm drunk, I'm going to try to make out with you. She laughed and said sounds fun, she'll let me know. She never showed up. On Saturday (we work Saturdays too), she said she fell asleep early. Whatever. Amusingly, I asked her "...then I have a proposition...sleep over my house tonight." She laughed and asked why, to which I said why not? She said she would think about it and let me know after her second shift. That night, she texted that of course she's not going to sleep over. So I said "I wish you would make up your mind about me already..." She got FURIOUS again. I went NC for a week, and we were doing fine at work, but tonight I had another brain attack, and blew up her phone, pissed her off, said we weren't even friends, etc etc. Now, I'm not dumb. She's playing games like crazy. However, I need to get her chasing me again for some mental health at least. I need SOME leverage back in this friendship. She doesn't respond to NC at all. It makes her angry. How do I remedy this? How do I switch my brain back to "just friends" mode?
deathandtaxes Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 This doesn't sound healthy. This doesn't sound like a friendship or a relationship you need at all. Do yourself a favor and steer clear.
Gemini x Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 If this is already happening this early on then I wouldn't do anything further. You don't want to end up investing everything in this woman who may bail on you later. Run while you can, before you're too emotionally attached.
pickflicker Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Well, this is a clusterf*ck. No, you do not need her to be chasing you again, you need to go NC and remain NC. Friendships and dating are not about 'leverage'. She's not supposed to 'respond' to NC. NC is about walking away and leaving them to deal with their crap, and you to deal with yours. If you're using NC as a tactic to get her to be all over you again, you're sadly mistaken. Quit the games and the drama, smarten up, and just go NC on her regarding personal issues. Only speak about things relating to work. Don't engage her any more than necessary. And don't date coworkers, it's just too messy. 1
almond Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Go NC immediately, and speak to your doctors. Your anxiety and depression and the resulting actions will seriously hinder your chances at a healthy relationship - sort this out so you can be happy with yourself, and with another. Until you're healthy, none of your relationships will be either. Commit yourself to getting well - look into programs, individual therapy, CBT, DBT etc. There are so many options to explore...do yourself a huge favour in life and dive head first into it. Do not stop until you're happy and well, it takes time, and might be a lifelong thing. Needs to happen though. Good luck. 2
Inviv_girl Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Slow responder? refuse to talk on the phone? that doesn't sounds good at all. Why would you even want her to chase you again? she is playing games with you and you let her treat you that way. Dating co worker is not good! back off now before you emotionally too attach with her.
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