Gemini x Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Are they as heartbroken as we are? Are they suddenly happy? Are they instantly looking to find the next one to be with? Do they miss the person they chose to breakup with? I posted my BU story on here yesterday which wasn't an "official" BU so there's no closure, no nothing. My ex, of 3 years, told me he loved me on Jan 9th and right after disappeared. He didn't reappear until 2 weeks after posting things on facebook directed at me showing he was angry that I hadn't chased him when HE was the one left ME. Monday he finally deleted me from fb and it was the first time we'd actually interacted (one on one) since he text me on the 9th. He had posted something on facebook saying he was having a really hard time "starting over" prior to deleting me. It looked as if he deleted me 'cause he didn't want to see me acting like I was doing okay without him. I'm just wondering if he's as miserable as I am? How does a dumper feel? In this case, he isn't exactly the "dumper" and neither am I. He just left and is letting us fall apart, so neither one of us actually said it was over. So, is it possible he's going through the day without me even crossing his mind at all? Can someone do that, make themselves forget completely?
pickflicker Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 When I've dumped someone, I've felt relief. Much like any confrontation, you psych yourself up, you take care of things, you feel relief. 1
jayone Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 This time around I am the "dumper". But, I'm only 5 hours into it. At the moment emotionally I'm a bit mixed up. I defiantly feel the relief, but I also feel guilt. I'm not so much thinking "will it work if I go back", but I'm thinking "I hope she gets through this and is alright". I worry about her. It's natural I guess, we spent 5 years together. A long time. It's not easy for the "dumper" to forget the person they loved. Although there was a reason for the "dumping". A good enough reason for the "dumper" to break things off for himself/herself. I'd say it's just as hard on the dumper. The dumper doesn't want to be in this position, he'd rather be happy with the person who he thought his partner was. But sadly, that's not going to happen however much we both try and work things out. I've also been dumped. So I know exactly how it feels. Probably the reason why I feel guilt.
SillySilly Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 There is some sense of relief, that is quickly supplanted by guilt, doubt and grief. Of course, it all depends on the situation and the two people involved. But it feels horrible for me.
KatZee Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Every dumper is different, because every situation is different. I've been the dumper a couple of times. In one case, I dumped the guy and honestly felt nothing but a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and relief. I was dating shortly there after. Didn't miss him, kind of pitied him because he was begging for another chance, but that's about it.
Never Again Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 It really depends on the situation. However, relief and guilt are pretty normal. Guilt if you cared about them at all - if for no other reason than because you hurt them. Relief because you knew it was going to be rough and, as pickflicker said, you psych yourself up for it. Very often, break ups stem from poor communication and unresolved conflict. Sometimes it originates from complete incompatibility, but sometimes it's also just the inability to resolve those completely normal "seeds of doubt" that can originate from thousands of sources. Anyone who says that love isn't about doubt is full of it. We live in a busy, stressful world filled with too many distractions, expectations and sources of information. People whip themselves into a panic because they WebMD innocuous symptoms - the same things happen in today's relationships. Instead of confronting normal doubts, we internalize, overanalyze, stress ourselves out and generally create a huge mental mess until a release valve EXPLODES. For a world that can't stop talking through social media, we're painfully inept at really communicating with one another. The point I'm struggling to reach here is - in our "life should be a party", "relationships should be FUN FUN FUN without an ounce of effort or work", selfie-taking, instant gratification filled, validation seeking, never sleeping, constantly active and adventuring, pill-popping-to-solve-emotional-issues world that won't shut up...the main emotion dumpers feel is relief. Maybe a bit of sadness at ending something that used to be good, and some guilt for hurting someone else...but mostly relief. It was that way when the world was a lot calmer, and it's even more so now. 2
Inviv_girl Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I think its depends on the person, if you love and care the person you dumped you will feel guilty and maybe second guessing and at the back of your mind maybe- just maybe one day want to get back together. But if you dont love the person at all you will feel nothing. Once you engage to other people that you attracted too you will not think about the dumpee at all. But at some point in life of course you will "think" of them in a good way.. wondering how they are etc but not in the way you want to be together romantically and so on.. That's just me! maybe
disclosure Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Personally for me, breaking up with my girlfriend and watching her completely break down, knowing that I caused that...worst day of my life. Still waiting on that relief feeling. When does that part come in to play? Broke up 2 months ago and all I've felt is guilt/doubt/sadness/doubt/guilt/loneliness/confusion/doubt/.
David87 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 As a dumper I felt relief and a little bit of guilt. 1
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