amelady74 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) I was seeing this guy for 8 mo. I really liked him. 2 months into the relationship he asks me to make sure I am the only one he is seeing, I say yes and vice versa. then 5 month in, he tells me he doesnt think we are "together" ( but we were sleeping together, and in contact every single day.) I was upset he did not think we were together and that he said he did not want a relationship ( but still wanted to sleep with me) so I basically broke it off and went and dated other people for really just a few weeks, and I mostly ignored him and didn't really care. All the while he is texting me everyday telling me how much he missed me and even displayed a little bit of jealousy. So I decide I missed him and wanted to give it another go. But I couldnt see him for at least two weeks because I had an intense amount of work to do and had a deadline. So he waits, we see each other one night, then I had to go out of town, for 3 weeks.all the while we are still in contact everyday. I came back. we get together and he breaks up with me and says he still wants to be friends. So he is texting me for about a week, then one night really late asks to come see me, I tell him no because it was late, then he totally cuts me off, and I got a little bit frustrated. Then the next day he says " hes hurt with me" and ignores me for a day. Then I finally text him and ask him whats going on, and hes being super rude to me, I asked him " do you want me to leave you alone?" and he responds " please" and he tells me " Im going threw some things right now and need to be alone." so I say You dont want to tell me? Then he say " actually Im dating someone right now" I didnt know how to feel, I had my suspicions.. But its still aweful to know hes with someone else after being with me for ~8 mo where we were in contact everyday and sleeping together. I just dont understand it. He never tried to work things out, just immediately started seeing someone else. Anyways I have been threw a similar breakup, where the guy left me for someone, and when we broke up our breakup was nice... ( i didnt know at the time he was seeing someone else) and the nice breakup really didnt work I dont think for either of us because we didnt completely let each other go for another 2 years. But this time I wasnt nice, I basically said things I wouldnt have normally, and got really upset about the fact that he left me and started seeing someone else. I basically called him a player, and accused him of just wanting sex with me ( which he denied) and not trying to work things out... And told him I was an idiot for trusting him. Its only been one week we since this has happened and I feel awful about everything. I feel like he was trying to make me feel like it was my fault, or that there is something wrong with me. I never freaked out on him before but I needed to tell him how I felt, I think I should not feel bad about it( but I do) and that I have every right to be angry. What kind of reaction would he expect. Its just so weird things were just fine, then all the sudden he's making me feel like I did all this stuff wrong, acts like a total jerk to me and acts like he wants nothing to do with me. Even tho our relationship was mostly physical, I did develop feelings, and did want our relationship to become more social and fun. I am grieving. I dont understand why its affecting me so much this time when the first time semi broke up with him I didnt feel bad, because I knew the relationship was not good, and I know that now. Even though I feel like It could be good. Anyway I feel like because of the way I acted ( last texts I sent him that were a bit nasty) he probably hates me now and maybe will never talk to me again. I have a hard time believing he did not care about me. How could someone be seeing someone for 8 months and not care at all? Edited February 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
pickflicker Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 He probably does care. But it's irrelevant. You need to be focused o you, not him. 1
Author amelady74 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Yes focusing on me and not him is hard. I miss him and wish this didnt happen, Part of me feels like I was not good enough, and there was something better about this other girl. But the other part of me knows thats really not true. I just feel that way.
Caliguy30 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 You're going to feel that way. I feel that way now and my ex still tells me she loves me, but she's not in love with me. I can't seem to carry out NC, but what everyone says is true that every time you break no contact, it's like you start all over again. As a caring guy, I still care about her. Do I think she cares about me, sometimes, but it's tougher on yourself to sit there and think the other person doesn't care. I need to take my own advice, but the phrase easier said than done wouldn't be a phrase if it wasn't true. A person worth your time and the time you spent together cares. Someone who doesn't you learn. Again, need to take my own advice.
Caliguy30 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Oh yea, and trust me you are good enough. You'll find someone. I see my ex who I lived with all the time. It's been two years we are friends now no feelings, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it sucks when she talks about moving to random places with her new bf when all I wanted to do was go back to San Diego. It's like what does this guy have that I don't, but then it goes away I'll find someone. It's the most recent one I can't figure out how there were so many red flags but I still went forward. We all just want to be loved and when someone like the people in these forums who have the capacity to love so much gets hurt it sucks and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel hell I don't even see it yet, but there's hope for me and my well being. There's no hope for getting back together. She'll realize one day what she missed out on or she won't and if she doesn't her loss. 1
Author amelady74 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 I agree he probably does care. and probably doesnt hate me. It does suck really bad to move on, but I know its best. I think the only way we could be friends down the line is if we both dont talk to each other and move on. If we even could do that Im not sure( be friends later ). Im hoping to feel indifference towards him eventually so we could be friends. But it sucks the way it ended, I want so bad to be able to talk to him and have a good conversation about both of our feelings about the relationship. But why would I really want that if he doesnt even have feelings for me anymore. Yet, im sure he still cares? I guess...
Caliguy30 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I have the same exact feelings. At this point I'm trying to do no contact, but I feel like you do that I want to have a conversation about everything that happened and figure it out, but she can't communicate properly. I've been there for her through so much I know that not talking to her will bother her. NC isn't meant to get someone back, but right now I am hoping it does that at least to have her realize what she's missing, but I need to get over that and realize it doesn't matter. You and I both need to concentrate on ourselves and know we're a great catch and we're moving on for the better.
Author amelady74 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 absolutely, NC hurts me, maybe him too, but it is for the best because like you said he cant communicate properly and that is part of the reason the relationship failed to begin with. You and I both need to realize that we are so special, and what this person did to me, and probably you was an ugly thing to do. Just because they have ugly ways doesnt make us any less important. He really did miss out on a good thing, even though he started seeing someone new, that person is no better than me. He just couldnt hang out when the relationship hit a bump. and it all boiled down to communication. And its my fault for thinking they were different. For him to leave me for someone else ( who I bet money he was seeing before he and I actually broke up) I should Never want to talk to him ever again. I tried blocking him but Im too curious if he would try to contact me. It sucks.
Author amelady74 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 My ex and I broke up about a week ago where he told me he was seeing someone else. For the first 4 days I blocked him, then I unblocked him and he hasnt said anything. Im not going to break NC, but im so curious if he would say anything to me. not that it matters because for the way he treated me I should never want to speak to him again, but then at the same time I feel like it sucks the way it ended and dont want it to be weird in the future if we run into each other. Why cant I just block him, I feel like it torture that he hasnt said anything ( yet, part of me thinks he eventually will ) but blocking him drives me nuts too because then Ill just be wondering if he ever did text or call.
theonlyjuan Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Because your in denial and you think there is still hope. Block him for your own good. Trust me, when you start moving on and seem happy, they get in contact. Don't do it in hope that he does contact you, do it to move on. Don't worry about it being awkward if you see each other, it's often awkward whatever the situation was 1
Author amelady74 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 It suck sooo bad to block him because your right I dont want to move on. Im the one thats hurt. And your probably also right that he probably will come back around, but only once I start to feel better. Ive been with a guy who did that to me, always seemed to pop up nearly every single time I began to feel good. its likely the same situation. Even though I am curious if he would contact me, its probably best I dont know because if he does, I will probably be too tempted to respond. It sucks the way it ended, but really he was the one who thought the grass was greener elsewhere, and he was the one who supposedly cared and then broke my heart by running off with someone else. why should I give a **** about him. I just want to know I guess if he will text, but who cares about it anymore! He made his own bed. why should I put myself through it, either he will or wont text and it doesnt matter because I would never get back with him. Why would I so I could go through this process again? From my experience they normally do call or text, and it just hurts me more and hinders me from moving on. So I should block him and stick to my guns and just know that I do deserve better. So they feel guilty? well they should! But I think he has exhausted his chips with me. theres none left. he cant play the game anymore. Although Im sure he wants too. why wouldnt he? Im a great girl, and hes an idiot. But its still hard to do.
theonlyjuan Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 It's hard but soon you will see it as one of the best things you could have done. When you block him and get on with your own stuff, you will start to move on. You will have bad days but they become less frequent. No good will come from him contacting you. Just get on with your own life and soon you won't even want to hear from him. I originally liked it when my ex contacted me, because it felt like she was missing me and I had the upper hand, a self esteem boost. After a while I didn't care how she felt or anything, hearing from her just became a pain in the arse
Author amelady74 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 I just have to remember that blocking him is better, maybe thats what im craving is the self esteem boost it will give me if he did make contact. But why do I need that to build myself up? I should seek approval elsewhere. If he didnt approve or think I was a great girl than theres something wrong with him. Although blocking him really just hurts me and keeps me curious if he would ever make contact... this feeling goes away right? in time I wont care... But i do now... ( 8 days later )
Caliguy30 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It's definitely a self esteem boost when they try to reach out. Unfortunately I think that's why I'm actually doing well today. Hopefully I can keep it going tomorrow when she doesn't reach out with breadcrumbs. I really hope this feeling goes away, but it's a much better feeling than getting crushed everyday waiting for the text of "I don't want you to get the wrong idea" or "I can't work on us anymore" I'd rather suffer in silence than get slammed like that every week.
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