irc333 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I am starting to figure out why some chronically single people are just, well, chronically single. I have a couple of male friends that won't date Hispanice women because they paint them all as "hot tempered". I have a friend that just turned 40, and won't date anyone his age. He says he much rather prefer dating women 50+. His reason, "Most women in my age bracket don't have their act together" or they're psycho or mentally unstable., etc. To paint a broad brush and based on these characteristics, isn't it a bit silly to use generalizations as a deal breaker?
mario_C Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Some people fear commitment so much that they create barriers between themselves and potential dates, friends, lovers etc. OK not just some, a lot. And maybe I'm guilty of it too, sometimes, but as I became aware of that trait in me, the easier it has become to fight it. We invent these impractical rules for ourselves, to make sure (s)he is never young enough, old enough, wealthy or street enough, smart or silly enough, you get the idea. I won't comment on the stereotypes about Latina women, older women vs. younger and so forth. 1
Scales Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Well sometimes we identify what we are attracted to by how well we match with certain stereotypes. Maybe it does prevent us from meeting some people, but it protects us far more from terrible matches. Race stereotypes are ridiculous, but maybe they know they don't mesh well with outside cultures. If I'm a Democrat I'm not likely to date Republicans. If I'm Christian I'm not likely to date an Atheist. Those are generalizations sure, but honestly they are for the better I think. You are just going to have to deal with them at some point. When your friends say "I don't want to date any latina women because they are hot tempered" what he really means is "I haven't met any latina women I am attracted to but am open to it if they meet my criteria" Its just that they never meet his criteria.
joystickd Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I am starting to figure out why some chronically single people are just, well, chronically single. I have a couple of male friends that won't date Hispanice women because they paint them all as "hot tempered". I have a friend that just turned 40, and won't date anyone his age. He says he much rather prefer dating women 50+. His reason, "Most women in my age bracket don't have their act together" or they're psycho or mentally unstable., etc. To paint a broad brush and based on these characteristics, isn't it a bit silly to use generalizations as a deal breaker? It's usually experiences they have had that formed these reasons
HokeyReligions Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I would never date a non-animal person specifically a dog person. Saved me from wasting my time and theirs that would eventually cause problems. Im not comfortable dating outside my race either. That doesnt make me racist it just means I don't want to deal with a lifetime of the kind of social problems that comes along with it. I don't see a problem with generalisations. Some people would rather be single than feel like they settled. But people change all the time so you never know. Your chronically single friends may all end up married old fuddy-daddies any way.
Tayken Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I am starting to figure out why some chronically single people are just, well, chronically single. I have a couple of male friends that won't date Hispanice women because they paint them all as "hot tempered". I have a friend that just turned 40, and won't date anyone his age. He says he much rather prefer dating women 50+. His reason, "Most women in my age bracket don't have their act together" or they're psycho or mentally unstable., etc. To paint a broad brush and based on these characteristics, isn't it a bit silly to use generalizations as a deal breaker? I sort of get where your buddy is coming from....and here is my take on it as someone in his 40s that has been married and has a child. Most women under 40 and early still aren't sure what they really want, some are still bitter from their seperation / divorce. Some have kids that they are just looking for someone to help provide...they might claim otherwise, but it's BS. The women in their 40s and 50 have been there, and just want to enjoy life now either by having a good shag, going out, traveling etc My additional deal breakers.... 1. absolutely no smoker / drug user 2. absolutely nobody with a 20k gap in income between us (reason...I don't want to be the one carrying most of the burden) 3. high conflict type 4. self centered and feels entitled 5. doesn't like sex and more 1
HokeyReligions Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 My additional deal breakers.... 1. absolutely no smoker / drug user 2. absolutely nobody with a 20k gap in income between us (reason...I don't want to be the one carrying most of the burden) just curious. What if she is 21k higher? 1
Tayken Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 just curious. What if she is 21k higher? Then it will be up to her to decide if me being 21k lower than she earns, puts her in danger of me ever wanting to pursue her for spousal support in things don't work out. I have never felt entitled to anything, had a job since I was 10/11, paid my way through university and have never for the govt / anyone or the world owes me anything
kart180 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Im quite a simply guy who want to date and marry a women. My dealbreakers are quite simple. All I want is a women who is 1. absolutely no smoker / drug user 2. Degree holder 3. Sober or no drank alcohol for 2+ years 4. Tall 4-5ft 5. Fit or between 100-150lbs 6. Like kids and sex
DL2mer Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 1. Game players 2. In a relationship 3. Drunk/druggie 4. Act like my mother 5. Fast movers
Tayken Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Im quite a simply guy who want to date and marry a women. My dealbreakers are quite simple. All I want is a women who is 1. absolutely no smoker / drug user 2. Degree holder 3. Sober or no drank alcohol for 2+ years 4. Tall 4-5ft 5. Fit or between 100-150lbs 6. Like kids and sex That sounds all reasonable to me, and I don't think you are asking for too much... However, #s 1 and 2 is going to be your biggest challenges
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