tragically in love Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 We've been together hot and heavy for over a year now and it's been really awesome, although there have been a few bumps along the way, nothing we haven't been able to work through. This past weekend she had to meet with her ex-husband regarding money. This guy is a professional arguer, i.e. a Los Angeles district attorney, and he also knows her weaknesses. He's a bully. She always comes back from meetings with him a total emotional wreck. We talked about getting together over the weekend, so I reminded her of the last time we got together on the same day she had met with him. She apologized for that time. Told me she loved me and that I mean the world to her. So I told her, "ok, well, just call me when you're done meeting with him, and we'll talk about whether you still want to get together or if you need time to cool off." That was five days ago, on Friday. Last Monday, it had been 3 days and I hadn't heard a peep, so I sent a text asking her if she was okay. She read that message, but didn't respond. I waited a little longer. Finally I sent a text telling her "I guess you'll talk to me when you're ready, just know that above all else, I love you, and want what's best for you". About an hour later she finally sends her first text/communication to me in over 3 days, "I'm sorry. It has been a bad 4 days. I love you." In response, I told her, "It's ok", which is really a lie. It's really not okay to flake out on somebody, is it? To not call, text, whatever, send smoke signals, just to be considerate and say, "sorry, but… whatever". Now, to top it all off, she is now giving me the silent treatment. The last text I sent, telling her, "It's OK" was 2 days ago, and she hasn't spoken a word. I do not understand. Do I wait it out? Do I play along with her silent treatment? I can do that, but it just seems so childish, like games high school kids would play. Or do I call her out? Ask her to explain why she is treating me this way? Advice, opinions, even bad ones are welcome.
mammasita Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Never ok. After a year silence is absolutely not OK. You deserve communication and an explanation. I would call her out, ask for an explanation. 2
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hate to say it, but my guess is something happened between them and now she feels guilty or bad, or maybe is stuck with her feelings about her ex. Sorry to say this...It just makes no sense as to why she'd fall so silent after seeing her ex husband and more or less ignore your texts and be so casual like it's no big deal. You two have been a couple for a year now so she owes you common courtesy and respect. She's handling this badly! Back off and give her space, and when you two do talk make sure she understands that how she's treated you since seeing her ex is unacceptable and rude, that you will not put up with that kind of treatment from her. Allow her to explain things, and go from there. I hope for your sake that was an innocent meeting and not an oopsy hook up between ex's. 1
Author tragically in love Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Wow,very observant, and you are absolutely correct. Of course I didn't provideevery detail. Her marriage ending is totally her fault. She admits that andfeels horribly guilty about it. She doesn't want to be married to him, but thatdoesn't mean she doesn't feel bad about it. Especially since he is not lettinggo and throws everything in her face when they meet.
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 So I take it you two have had an affair and she left her husband for you? If I am wrong, please correct me. But, if that is the case, you might want to re post your story in the OW/OM section if your situation is affair related.
Author tragically in love Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 correct, but I did as well; we both left our spouses for each other.
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 correct, but I did as well; we both left our spouses for each other. Rarely does this work out unless both people are 100% ready to have ended their marriage, regardless if there was someone waiting or not. There's a good chance they did hook up, at least, have a 'talk' about stuff which has made her re think stuff or she's confused about what she feels. You all divorced or separated?
Author tragically in love Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 Here's a little more background; a Reader's Digest version if you will. We were summer lovers when we met while both working down at the beach. I was 23 and she was 18. We ended up living together that summer, which is kind of unusual for most kids at that age, especially living down at the beach where most guys are there to bed as many women as possible. I've always preferred the intimacy that can only be achieved when you are in a mutually exclusive relationship. So anyway; it was an amicable split. We simply ran out of summer. We both went off to colleges in different states; her for the first time and me for the last. We tried the whole long distance thing for a little while and then fell out of communication. I don’t remember why we stopped communicating and neither does she, we just remember that it wasn't anything bad. A few decades and along comes Facebook and we're back writing letters to each other. It was pretty amazing. She shows me that she still has the boardwalk photo-booth picture of us. She has many old photographs of us from back then, and all of the cards and love letters I sent while we tried the long-distance thing. Women are awesome like that. I have none of the letters she sent to me. She tells me of her string of bad relationships and how none of them compared to me. How handsome I am. She tells me how awful her marriage is, and how she wanted to back out of it, but didn't, and has regretted it ever since. I'm listening to all of this and thinking—are you kidding me? This is so cliché. You see it on the 'man-hater channel' all the time, only it's usually the guy telling the girl how rotten his wife is treating him as a means by which to convince her into an affair. She went on to tell me that it was so bad that it has been a sexless marriage over the last five-six years. I had never heard of such a thing ever in my life. A marriage without intimacy sounded like insanity to me, but apparently it happens. I was honest with her as well. I told her my marriage was not that bad, although obviously something was missing since I was reaching out to her. We've both been out for a little over a year and are separated and filed for divorce. As I have come to learn over the past year; her marriage was every bit as bad as she was telling me—maybe even worse. Mine, on the other hand, was not that bad, comparatively speaking. In fact, my ex-wife was not a bad wife at all. She knows that. I tell her that. She is moving on. I want her to be happy. There were obviously things that were not right in our marriage or else I wouldn't have wandered, and eventually left. I think now that our age difference may have played a part; my ex-wife is 17 years younger, and my girlfriend is 5 years younger. Yes, my ex and I get a chuckle out of that, with me going against the cliché by leaving her for an older woman. She called me last night. Apologized. Talked again about how he puts her in such an awful mood that she gets depressed and doesn't want to be around anyone. She says she understands that she shouldn't shut me out and she will try harder to not do it again. She asked for my forgiveness and I gave it to her.
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