trevjim Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Broke up mutually with my Fiancée of 2.5 years 13 months ago give or take. She started seeing an ex of hers (who she cheated on first time round). She did not leave me for him as such, she simply ran to him as she knew he would date her again. She also had a little boy from another relationship who I loved and miss dearly, I wanted to still see him but she declined. initially I tried to win her back for a month or so without joy. Been N/C since February 2013. She has since gone on to have a child with his guy who will prob be around 2 months now, I have no idea how happy they are etc. Anyway thats the background. Ive progressed alot and come along way from the mess I was when we first split. I havnt dated as I cant find anyone and no one seems to want me:p However I still miss her so much. Without going into details. lets just say she was the love of my life, a perfect 10, and so interesting and fun to be around. Im not stupid in the fact that I know we broke up for a reason, I had my own issues ive worked on, and she had hers (possible borderline personality) which made us clash, The arguments simply got too much and too often. However I just cant seem to get over her, I still have dreams about her, I feel like I will never love anyone or even find anyone again. I dont want her back as such as it didnt work (although I know a part of me still does) I just wanna let go. Is it normal to feel like this after 13 months?
ariesgirl-328 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 it's been 9 months for me.......and everything you just said is the same with me. no one wants me and i dont want anyone else either...just him...as much as I wanted him when he wanted me too so long ago. I don't know man, I seriously feel like the only way I'll get past this is if I fall in love with someone else and that doesn't seem like it will happen soon. Seems like it's the same for you. A part of life is learning to let go, maybe you and I are just taking longer to learn just that. I still have hope though (: Sorry I cannot help much...but I hope it makes you feel better that there is someone else in the same boat as you.
Vinsanity1307 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Reading this thread makes me feel a little better seeing I am 7 months post BU from a 5 year relationship after being dumped. Thought I was the only one still struggling this far from the BU. Figured there's something wrong with me. Has it got any better for either of you?
freebird31 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 It has been 9 months for me as well. I thought it would take me a year for me to get over him, my first love. But I haven't. The pain has only dulled. I miss him so much. Letting go is one of the hardest things we have to do in life. When we lets someone go, they always seem to take a part of us with them. They're like empty cracks. But idk if it's like this with everyone, but for me empty cracks in my heart have always been a part of me. From death of very close loved ones, close friendships, to my most recent, my break up with my ex. You just learn to live with these cracks and move on. You cope with it and don't bring the despair into your everyday life. You grow stronger, wiser and find love elsewhere:) in time, pain dulls...but losing people doesn't mean you won't have a less full life. There's more people out there waiting to touch our heart, I believe. 1
ariesgirl-328 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Vin there's the actual pain of heartbreak that is the worst possible thing ever...that finally went away for me I think about 4 months after the breakup and along with that my appetite came back and I began to see what I had done wrong and improved myself greatly i think...but besides that, im pretty much in the same place, yeah i maybe think of him 2 hours less everyday because ive kept myself busy but I still think of him constantly which sucks..and I break NC every 1-3 months because I can't stop myself from wanting to know if hes okay and happy and expressing just how much i miss him.......which always drags me back down more for 5-10 days Greatest thing ever.......i broke NC today actually. But for the first time in the last year I have this feeling in my gut that I will never hear of him or contact him again...hope that holds true and I do move on eventually..
siochana Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Wel ladies, I'm a man and it hurts just as bad. Maybe more. Male ego. The fact that we cant go out and get attention as easy as you can after the BU. Seven months out for me. Its was mutualish ( I had to let her go because she was putting it all on me to fix things) I had fought for her before. She never fought for me. I resented that. But I wanted her back and tried, foolishly, for a couple of months to get her back. I was also angry and she got some angry messages. She deserved them. She treated me like a dog. So now Im left with the following feelings A) regret that I didn't take care of the relationship b) doubt that it would ever have worked C) fear that I wont meet someone as attractive and intelligent as her d) listlessness e) anger; anger that I gave so much and she quit on me. 1
Vinsanity1307 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Ariesgirl does he respond when you contact him? Message me if you get the urge.It just prolongs our healing. The physical pain was tough. That sounds about the amount of time where the chest pains and stomach pains went away. I think the worst feeling though is physically picturing then with another person..ya know intimately.I feel that is tortured death.those images pop up alot.....
ariesgirl-328 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Siochana.. don't know, as much as science says men and women experience things differently, based on what ive read here and experienced in real life, id say men and women both feel the same pain when love is lost..we all feel that dead. haha there are plenttttyyyy of women out there like me who aren't just average that are looking for a guy, guys just dont approach. same with girls though, though I approached a guy last week about getting coffee sometime and got rejected(turns out he's gay), but it still turned me off to ever asking again.....it was just nervewrecking. I think you'll definitely find someone, most people don't seem special when you first meet them, I feel they get more attractive once you get to know them, atleast thats how it is for me. 1
ariesgirl-328 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Vin when we were just broken up and he was leading me on that he would come back soon, I used to message him and call alllll dayyyyyy and he wouldn't ever reply. Now when I message him like every few months, we're more and more distant so he does reply in short responses... This was the conversation that I just broke NC for: Me: (I wrote some lyrics to a spanish song about how he left me broken without ever looking back) My Ex: Nice to hear from u. Me: i miss you My Ex:......i dnt... so yeah...haha im pathetic, i ofcourse didn't reply after that. I also just found out he converted to be a Jehovah's witness which i neverrrrrrrrrr expected since that's the furthest thing from who he was before so i know now that hes too different of a person who obviously doesn't give af.. and im afraid if i message or call him again he'll say something really mean, so im just not going to contact him again. And yeah I agree totally about that. He got engaged shortly after we broke up and and when i was annoying him with msgs, he sent me 2-3 pics of his girl in her bra and underwear and would tell me how much more she turned him on then me and when they were having sex etc...that was torture. but atleast it got me to start NC
singme2sleep Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Ariesgirl- you are NOT pathetic. We've all been there. Personally I have regretted the few stupid times I broke NC (within the first 6 months of my breakup) but I can't punish myself for acting on the way I felt. If anything, the way he responded just demonstrated what an insensitive jerk he turned into. So don't be that hard on yourself...you're only human.
singme2sleep Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 He got engaged shortly after we broke up and and when i was annoying him with msgs, he sent me 2-3 pics of his girl in her bra and underwear and would tell me how much more she turned him on then me and when they were having sex etc... Wow, what an A-hole. That's beyond cold.
Tripz Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Sometimes, breaking NC is simply just good for your own soul. I know, it will hurt again, but sometimes you just need to get some crap off your chest. I can't have total NC because of my son involved, but generally, I have kept texts and conversations only to do with him or the divorce. Nothing about "us"...until last night anyway. All day I was being told by some friends that it's important to forgive the other person and also forgive ourselves. I struggled with that, especially the forgive me thing. Then last night, I totally blew the NC thing all to hell. I told her that I'm seeing how much I played a part in the demise of our marriage and asked her to forgive me (keep in mind, she's currently still sleeping with one of my good friends). I told her she didn't have to forgive me or even respond, but that I needed her to know that I was asking. Then I texted and said that I've let her down for probably most of our marriage, so I understood why she's where she's at now. I went on along these lines for a few more texts, not expecting a response. Then she texted back, "It is what it is, I just want to look forward". Then I talked about some things I'm discovering through personal development and she texted back, "I'm dealing with quite a few things myself...you have treated me exceptionally well throughout this, but you've had some highs and lows that made it difficult to be around you. Anyway..I have a lot of healing to do." I swear, that's the most I've gotten out of her in over 70 days, since D-Day and discussion of divorce through serving papers. (I should mention she still has yet to sign them. Going on 2 weeks now, but she told me that she IS NOT having second thoughts) I personally consider it a small victory in the communication column. She isn't ever coming back to me, but I feel better knowing the lines of communication are just that much better. So sometimes, breaking NC is simply the right thing to do. We'll see how I feel in 4 months, 7 months, 9 months, etc....
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