kanga Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Hi all, it's been awhile since I've popped in here since things with the boy seemed to have been going so wonderfully. Seemed to have been -- that's key. After returning from my Christmas vacation, we went out to dinner. I paid. We went back to my place, he gave me great Christmas gifts, and he stayed over. We tickled each other. We went to sleep. He volunteered to sleep on my floor. In the morning he complained about beign cold, snuggled in bed next to me, and we cuddled and spooned. It was wonderful. It was so sweet, so innocuous. Less than a week later, after doing something together, he again came to my place and we ticked again, and this time he slept over in my bed with me. We eventually kissed and for the most part, it was pretty innocent stuff. He held onto me for what seemed most of the night. All is well. I'm pretty much convinced that we're on the road to something. Much farther down then before. He invites me watch a football game at a bar with him on the following Saturday. I say OK. It's what I'm most looking forward to for the week. Saturday -- yesterday -- we meet before heading to the game. We window shop and all is fun and happy. He then breaks the news -- the ex-girlfriend is going to watch the game with us too. Sigh. OK. He's told me many times they are just friends. I'm not going to worry. About halfway through the game, she does show up. (There are a few other people with us too.) I became teary-eyed, but partly because the bar was filled with cigarette smoke, which I'm super sensitive to. So when he'd look over at me and ask if I was OK, I could simply respond by, "The smoke is bothering me." I tried my best to be congenial to the ex. I honestly don't know if she knows there is anything going on with us. She said a few things to me that upset me. Like telling me about a dream she had the other night where the boy took her to Paris, and blahblahblah. And when another friend mentioned getting together for brunch some day, she said to the boy, "I said that'd be OK. We haven't gone there in awhile." WE?!!?! He didn't really have a reaction to that. But it could be because he was so into the game. So I left. Alone. (The ex was giving him a ride home. They live very close to each other. I live in the opposite direction). I cried. He called this morning, acting like nothing happened. Just joking around about things, talking about subjects on the Sunday morning news shows. He said he'd call me later today. Um, Ok. Whatever. I'm so freakin' confused. I've been told that I'm completely overanaylzing what happened. That the ex is just a friend (he's told me this) and that it's not as big a deal as I think. Perhaps. But it leaves me very uneasy. This is a bad guy. I can feel it. Is there anyone who can explain this behavior to me? Is this a message that he's not interested in an exclusive relationship? Seriously, his girlfriend yesterday was the TV. He didn't pay attention to either of us more than the other. If anyone wants any more details or whatnot, feel free to private message me. Any insight would be appreciated.
udelgirl Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 I totally understand what you're going through. I think the guy isn't malicious but he's like most other guys who like female companionship but are more up for the convenience than for really caring about how sensitive the girl may be. He doesn't seem like he has much emotional responsibility towards you at all. The physical things you do together may make you special, and attracted to him, but unfortunately it seems only temporary (at least on his part). I wouldn't stick with this guy. He seems nice but it's always much better to have a guy who CARES and who can understand your emotions. That kind of a relationship (at least in my opinion) is a lot more fulfilling. Don't settle for less. I hope this helps & I'll send a prayer out for good guys to come for you! Take care...
tanbark813 Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 I can understand being *friendly* with an ex, but I've never really seen the point of being friends with an ex. There may or may not be something going on between them, but he was definitely in bad form for not only paying her more attention, but leaving with her instead of you. I do admire you patience, however. If I were in your shoes I would have let it be known that I was upset.
Author kanga Posted January 16, 2005 Author Posted January 16, 2005 He didn't pay more attention to her. It was fairly evenly split. Like I said, he was really into watching the game. But I thought it was poor form to invite her. Especially since he invited me. I don't really know the whole story. Maybe she invited herself. She was an issue in the past for me, but after his reassurance, I got over it. Now I'm back to not trusting him about her. But I also feel that I have no right to be upset because I don't know that he even sees us as anything but friends. Do I have a right to be upset? Should I mention this to him?
udelgirl Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 You DO have a right to be upset. He asked you to go out with him to the bar, and to not give you or anything besides the TV any attention is just plain rude. If it was a game he was really into, he shouldn't have invited anyone out, and thought about that! This guy is really dumb/insensitive. Personally I wouldn't bother explaining how you feel to him, because he obviously is incapable of processing emotion besides his own. Besides, what point is making any effort to a relationship that you don't really want to exist in the future anymore? This guy is trouble and he probably doesn't even know it. Turn down his future attempts to get together repeatedly and then he should get a clue.
Author kanga Posted January 16, 2005 Author Posted January 16, 2005 He did give me some attention. And he didn't ask just me. He asked a group of us friends/ fans to go. It wasn't designed as some exclusive date. Plus, I was just as into the game. I know the rules of watching sports -- especially football playoffs -- with guys. I never expected a big, deep conversation or whatnot with him during the game. And he was quite talkative and attentive during commercials and breaks. Seriously, I'm OK with his focus on the game. What was upsetting was the ex. And the reason that her pressence upset me was because it questioned whether he's truly through with her. And whether he's really interested in me. It just reignited my distrust that they are just friends. Her being there and my being upset about -- that's what I wonder if I should talk to him about. He saw I wasn't quite acting like myself. And about five times he asked, and each time I answered with the smoke in the room bothering me. That was part of the issue. The other part was her being there.
udelgirl Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Oh ok, sorry for the misunderstanding. Maybe then it'd be worth it to explain him your feelings, and about the ex being there, and how you were definitely not cool with that. Tell him all how you feel, get it out in the open. See his reaction, but more importantly, how he treats you after that-
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