ms321 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) Hey guys, some help needed here. I’m a 29 year old guy who hasn't had a lot of relationship experience. I've been recently going on dates some of which go quite well, but I've noticed a pattern. Several times now, the first 2-3 dates go very well. I’m pretty comfortable. I talk about things that are fun and interest and put me in a positive light, and I can often tell a girl is very into me and there is good chemistry. But, by the 4th or 5th date or so, things tend to go not as good. I've run out of things to say, I can no longer make the conversations flow, I’m a bit uncomfortable making physical moves (although I try), and in general things get more awkward. Sometimes I think that maybe this is because these women I’m dating are not right for me (hence we no longer have common topics after first few dates), but it’s also possible I’m not approaching later dates the right way (as in maybe it’s less about interesting and fun conversations than the first few dates). Can you guys give me some advice on how I can figure out what is going wrong? or help me figure out what the difference between first few dates and the dates after that are? Edited February 5, 2014 by ms321
TXGuy Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Some women will expect physical escalation after the first couple of dates. If they don't get it, then they might not put much effort into the conversation because they are bored or disappointed.
winny Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 What kind of physical moves and by which date? How do the women react to it? Do you feel the women are pulling back in conversation after 3rd date?
Author ms321 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 In the latest case, I had her over for dinner on the 4th date. I was showing her some funny videos (nothing bad) and sitting close to her on the couch. I went in to kiss her and she let me but then she said she had to go. (I was planning to do more after the kiss of course if she didn't leave) I know that she doesn't have any other thing scheduled. Maybe it's because I was kind of awkward going for the kiss? Also, the conversations we were having over dinner was much less interesting than for the first few dates. Mostly we were talking about what we were each doing for the last couple of days and it felt rather forced, whereas before we were talking about traveling, how we grew up, fun stories in our lives. That's another possible reason she wanted to leave early. It seems like the conversation necessarily has to become less interesting in the 4th or 5th dates though? because the really fun stories that happened in my life I've already told her in previous dates. Do you guys feel like that?
winny Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 In the latest case, I had her over for dinner on the 4th date. I was showing her some funny videos (nothing bad) and sitting close to her on the couch. I went in to kiss her and she let me but then she said she had to go. (I was planning to do more after the kiss of course if she didn't leave) I know that she doesn't have any other thing scheduled. Maybe it's because I was kind of awkward going for the kiss? Also, the conversations we were having over dinner was much less interesting than for the first few dates. Mostly we were talking about what we were each doing for the last couple of days and it felt rather forced, whereas before we were talking about traveling, how we grew up, fun stories in our lives. That's another possible reason she wanted to leave early. It seems like the conversation necessarily has to become less interesting in the 4th or 5th dates though? because the really fun stories that happened in my life I've already told her in previous dates. Do you guys feel like that? Have you asked her out after that? What was her reaction? Is she behaving normal with you? Maybe she didn't like the kiss? But looks like you both were bored before the kiss happened... When you are with friends, you don't really have to tell interesting stuff all the time right? Still you have loads to talk... same should go for this case as well. Conversation should flow easily. If there is some silence in between, that's okay too... But feeling like you have nothing to talk by the 4th date is a sign that maybe you both are not for each other... and maybe she sensed that and wanted to leave.
JANIE2406 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 If i went on 4-5 dates with a guy and he did not try to have sex with me I would be very suspicious. We are more advanced animals because we relate to each other mentally and sexually and the communion of both is necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. If you ran out of things to say it is because your relationship should have been under a different light. Believe me, they are waiting for you to make your move. You are young, so go for it. 1
winny Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 If i went on 4-5 dates with a guy and he did not try to have sex with me I would be very suspicious. We are more advanced animals because we relate to each other mentally and sexually and the communion of both is necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. If you ran out of things to say it is because your relationship should have been under a different light. Believe me, they are waiting for you to make your move. You are young, so go for it. That depends. If the 4-5 dates happened over a period of 3-4 weeks and there was lot of conversations between those dates happening. Someone like me would take more time before jumping into the bed. But yes, I would also expect a gradual progression of things. Not too fast, not too slow.
Author ms321 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Yeah, interestingly, in this latest case, she called me yesterday and told me she panicked and left early because she thought I was going too fast. It just shows once again there is no "one path fits all" to relationships. It's very hard to read someone all the time, especially in the early stages of dating. 1
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