Decipher These Texts From a Couple Girls? Old man is rusty i guess!!

[theothersully]

Girl #1.... going out every night with a huge pack of work people for her new job. Have been on/off whatever with her for over a year now. She is 22.

 

Me: I'm coming back to Miami for a couple months.

Her: Good we can party! Come here and see me. I'm ready

.... lots of small talk about her new gig, my boat, etc...

 

Me: Cool about your new job, i am here now.

Her: Cool, there is a party for us at xxxxxx tonight lol

Me: I love that place. Excited to be here again.

Her: I'm sure excited to hang out with you again!!!!

Me: Thank you. , etc,..

Her: Party at xxxxxx was great. Going to yyyyy tonight.

 

Then.... nothing much else. Kinda dead for a day or so.

 

Question. Was this girl trying to get me to go to her work parties and see her? She was very specific about where she was going for some reason. Was she offended i didn't go? I figured they were work parties and nobody wants a date along. Thoughts?

[theothersully]

Girl #2: Contacts me out of the blue after some nice time spent together in the spring. Long distance. 19 yrs old. says all of this inside various conversations.,., this is all her.....

 

how was your day?

You have deff got my attention (she contacted me)

you should see my abs, deff got them on lock (sends pics)

sounds like you got it together, i fn love ambition

this should be fun (about seeing me)

i feel special ( regarding me saying it has only been a few months and i didn't forget her)

 

good morning

lots of annoying texts about flights and stuff

how about next weekend because i really want to see you?

busts 2 tires on her dads truck, upset about it, i try to cheer her up

told her about miami change of venue, says, "ha ha excellent I'm excited!!!!"

 

then, i pick out a flight and stuff and she vanishes. i text it to her, i ask where she is, if she is ok, but nothing. i call her, direct to voicemail with no ring. phone is off or broken? I tried emailing today.

 

I'm kind of worried, kind of pissed. lol

 

What happened here?

Next move?

[TheBlingRing14]

Aren't you the same guy that spent bookoo bucks to have some chick come up and spend some time with you over the weekend, buying her a coat, hat, gloves, who knows what else?

 

Honestly, they both sound immature to me, and not worth your time. But, if you are the type of guy into young girls (19) who can't take care of themselves independently....they may be exactly your type.

[BlametheIrish]

With the first woman it does indeed seem like she wanted you to go party with her. The second woman.seems flaky, and unless you're just looking for a fling, I suggest you stay away from.19 year olds.

[theothersully]

Aren't you the same guy that spent bookoo bucks to have some chick come up and spend some time with you over the weekend, buying her a coat, hat, gloves, who knows what else?

 

Honestly, they both sound immature to me, and not worth your time. But, if you are the type of guy into young girls (19) who can't take care of themselves independently....they may be exactly your type.

 

Yeah. That is girl #2.

 

Had to go to Miami in short notice for a couple months, so no jacket required anymore. was setting up for her to come down here instead of ny.

 

They are immature, but so am i. I'm also dating and not getting married today, so they are just fine, so long as i can figure them out.

[HappyLove]

How old are you? The texts sound like they are from immature kids. Honestly they probably met up with some other 19 yr olds and are "partying". Yuck, just reading these texts have me a headache.

[theothersully]

How old are you? The texts sound like they are from immature kids. Honestly they probably met up with some other 19 yr olds and are "partying". Yuck, just reading these texts have me a headache.

 

I didn't post this for people to pass judgment on my girls, thanks. We can't all have perfect people to date/hookup with / whatever. Although you'd probably die if you saw what either of these girls looks like. lol

 

Blame the Irish had the sort of response I was asking for. Don't be mean to these girls. They are younger and doing the best they can, which is just fine. I'm older and doing the best I can, which isn't fine....lol trying though.

[FitChick]

They are stringing you along for ego boosts, just like you are using them for ego boosts. They probably text their friends: "This guy is old enough to be my dad and wants to screw me. Ha! ha!"

 

There are plenty of older, attractive, divorced, childfree women looking to have fun. They have their own money, too. They would probably be easier to "figure out" since you'd have similar life experiences.

[Ruby Slippers]

Sounds like Girl 1 wants to party, Girl 2 got freaked when you got real with the plane ticket and has no intention of visiting you.

[theothersully]

They are stringing you along for ego boosts, just like you are using them for ego boosts. They probably text their friends: "This guy is old enough to be my dad and wants to screw me. Ha! ha!"

 

There are plenty of older, attractive, divorced, childfree women looking to have fun. They have their own money, too. They would probably be easier to "figure out" since you'd have similar life experiences.

 

Well, to put it as crassly, I've already screwed all three of these girls many times each. So, I'm not quite sure that's it.

 

These sorts of girls are the indeed an ego boost, which is nice after a divorce. Helps the recovery.

 

Ok, going with your post a minute.... where are all these non fat, fun, relaxed, somewhat immature late 20's or early 30's women hiding? I meet tons of early 20's ones, but zero that are older. They always seem to be 1) married or with someone, 2) Fat, 3) Really boring and stuck in a rut.

 

Where do i find these other ones?

 

EDIT: Girl #1 just texted me. Meeting her in a few hours at the beach, then sobe bars. She has been working non stop on the opening of the new club here in Miami.

[theothersully]

Both texts seems like casual friendship texts to me. This is similar to texting banter between friends. They seem to want to be your friend so that is good.

 

Except..... in all three cases (the one i want least is a lock, naturally... lol ....life.....) I've already hooked up with them on multiple occasions, spent more than a week straight on a long getaway with each, but played it super casual, as that entire generation does.

 

Only to find that all three of them have looked me up and made advances toward me.

 

That's the crazy part.

 

What I'm having some difficulty with is understanding how to balance between keeping it casual, which seems to have worked like crazy, apparently, and definitively making moves.

 

I do ok getting girls in general, but they are like cats. You have to coax them. They do not respond well to sudden movements. lol So... I'm trying to read these kitty cats through their texts and just don't want to make the wrong move and scare them away. Im posting here to see if I am reading the situation correctly, mostly with #1. #2 is m.i.a., but so is her phone. It is not even ringing.

[theothersully]

Sounds like Girl 1 wants to party, Girl 2 got freaked when you got real with the plane ticket and has no intention of visiting you.

 

You have girl #1 figured out to a T!

 

Yes, that is all she does. Party and yoga. When we went on a week long road trip together, it was a blast. She is a lot of fun. Too much fun, really, but i kept up (just barely) lol

 

Girl #2 I'm still not sure about. We did have a nyc flight booked and she was all set. Then I had to change it to Miami. The fact that her phone is not ringing is the only reason I still haven't written her off. No matter how I call it, it does not ring and goes straight to voicemail. Giving her a few more days. But yeah, could be a lost cause.

Edited February 5, 2014 by theothersully

[theothersully]

Quick update on the way out the door......

 

Yes!!!!!

 

The one I really like (#2) just emailed me to apologize about her phone being cut off.

 

VERY happy. Will have an awesome visitor here to see me in Miami soon. :)

[Mascara]

19? Aren't you 40? Even for you, that's bizarre

 

I don't know sully, you always come across as a bit needy about these girls. You're having to constantly play these aloof games to keep their interest, then you get all antsy when they don't respond.

 

Their entire actions and responses with you are pretty much down to their age. Girls that age are flaky, always distracted by the next shiny thing. A mature emotional response to relationships comes with age, you can't have it both ways.

 

I hope you get this need for teenagers (and slightly older) out of your system soon, because as I've said to you before - at 40, you're exciting. At 45 and above, you'll just be a lecherous old man. So one way or another, you're going to have to find a way to connect with those 30-somethings you find so repulsive now

[Emilia]

You are expecting these girls to behave beyond what they are capable of at their tender age. You describe yourself as 'immature too' and that might be so but you used to be married, have some concept of communication and relationships. You can't go backwards after you gain experience and certain standards OP. I get what draws you to young people even beyond their looks but really, it's a lost cause. Unfortunately for you, you have moved on from this flakey, immature nonsense, you need to find your match, not play with girls that aren't able to give you what you want.

[TheBlingRing14]

Ok, going with your post a minute.... where are all these non fat, fun, relaxed, somewhat immature late 20's or early 30's women hiding? I meet tons of early 20's ones, but zero that are older. They always seem to be 1) married or with someone, 2) Fat, 3) Really boring and stuck in a rut.

 

Okay, FitChick never said "immature." There are plenty of age-appropriate women out there, not looking to settle down and just looking for fun. That does not equate to them being immature. So, if immature really is what you are looking for, I'd say you are exactly in the right place with these two chicks.

 

What I find funny is the same person who said, "Not everyone can find perfect" has such high standards himself. And that you are willing to overlook flaws of personality and maturity, but not willing to overlook flaws of appearance. Because let me tell you...you are no great catch either, big boy.

 

You are divorced, emotionally deranged, and a little pervy. Not too many "hot, exciting" women who are above the age of 20 are saying, "Oh, I gotta get some of that." Nor would any sane woman be seeking that out. You've got flaws too. If you are wanting the perfect hookup, you yourself have to make yourself perfect. If you are going to be...well, you...you are gonna have to learn to settle for what you can get.

[theothersully]

I love how these threads always turn into personal insults. lol

 

A couple posts with reasonable advice (mascara and Emilia - thanks), then out comes TheBlingRing trying to attack my self esteem. Guess what? I get fn everyone i try for. Point blank, period. I've never been turned down once i focus on one girl/woman. Never. So, I'm pretty sure I'm an ok catch, no matter what age group we are talking about.

 

I'd normally never share this with anyone or talk in this fashion, because I'm somewhat humble about this track record and a few other things i have going for me. But, if you are going to sit there, without even knowing me and say "you aren't such a great catch", I'm going to get into details.

 

Let's face it. A 19-22 year old girl is one hell of a challenge for a late 30's guy to land. Yet, I have 3 of them trying to see me right now. This is way, way more difficult than landing 35 year old women. So, I am succeeding at something much, much more challenging than older women.

 

With that out of the way, I agree with mascara. Eventually, it will be time to find a slightly older woman who doesn't want kids and is ready for adventure and fun, rather than picket fences and suicide. Unless i end up in one of those wide age gap relationships, which is ok too.

 

And you all really aren't giving these girls enough credit. The one who had her phone turned off is very mature, despite being 19. She is real, down to earth and good. The things i look for in a partner are developed from childhood, i think. I do mot care about superficial things. Only that she is a nice person that I'm attracted to. That is all I care about. I don't have some stupid list to compare people to.

[theothersully]

You are expecting these girls to behave beyond what they are capable of at their tender age. You describe yourself as 'immature too' and that might be so but you used to be married, have some concept of communication and relationships. You can't go backwards after you gain experience and certain standards OP. I get what draws you to young people even beyond their looks but really, it's a lost cause. Unfortunately for you, you have moved on from this flakey, immature nonsense, you need to find your match, not play with girls that aren't able to give you what you want.

 

This is true, all of it. However, not everyone has to learn this stuff. In high school, I spent a little more than a year with the cheerleader they throw up in the basket toss. She wasmuch more emotionally mature and able to communicate than my ex wife.

 

You are right about the future, but i am on the fence still about finding that new ltr, or even wanting one. Still hard to trust after my marriage.

[Emilia]

This is true, all of it. However, not everyone has to learn this stuff. In high school, I spent a little more than a year with the cheerleader they throw up in the basket toss. She wasmuch more emotionally mature and able to communicate than my ex wife.

She was mature enough for you then, she wouldn't be now. You wouldn't see her the same way now. You can't unlearn things sully.

You are right about the future, but i am on the fence still about finding that new ltr, or even wanting one. Still hard to trust after my marriage.

Of course. That's understandable. You must remember the reasons behind how you feel and what you do though. I get that the young ones are fun, I like them too. I met someone a while ago who has come back to my life recently who is far too young for me. The fact that he is gorgeous and full of youthful ambition is huge, however, usually the gap when it comes to handling conflict, just life in general, etc tends to be too big. Probably wouldn't be any different in his case either.

[theothersully]

19? Aren't you 40? Even for you, that's bizarre

 

I don't know sully, you always come across as a bit needy about these girls. You're having to constantly play these aloof games to keep their interest, then you get all antsy when they don't respond.

 

Their entire actions and responses with you are pretty much down to their age. Girls that age are flaky, always distracted by the next shiny thing. A mature emotional response to relationships comes with age, you can't have it both ways.

 

I hope you get this need for teenagers (and slightly older) out of your system soon, because as I've said to you before - at 40, you're exciting. At 45 and above, you'll just be a lecherous old man. So one way or another, you're going to have to find a way to connect with those 30-somethings you find so repulsive now

 

 

Agreed.

 

I'm just dating here. Well, that's what old guys like me call it? These girls call it "hanging out" lol

 

I don't find the 30 somethings repulsive. I just have some standards. The ones i meetthat meet my looks standards are usually already taken. Then i have the other issue of not wanting kids. Many are looking for kids at 30. Then there is travel/adventure. Many at 30 have some kind of careers they would not leave.

 

So, i like barren, unemployed, fit/healthy women with a sense of adventure. This pretty much leaves the younger ones. Not barren, but definitely not wanting kids either.

 

So this is why these girls, despite the games, are a good match for now. Who knows...?maybe some ltr would come out of one. Maybe not. Either way, why reject near perfection just because i should be looking for something else.

 

A lot of guts get divorced at 50+ these days. What's the difference if i have a whole bunch of fun between now and "single 50's" or not?

[theothersully]

She was mature enough for you then, she wouldn't be now. You wouldn't see her the same way now. You can't unlearn things sully.

 

Of course. That's understandable. You must remember the reasons behind how you feel and what you do though. I get that the young ones are fun, I like them too. I met someone a while ago who has come back to my life recently who is far too young for me. The fact that he is gorgeous and full of youthful ambition is huge, however, usually the gap when it comes to handling conflict, just life in general, etc tends to be too big. Probably wouldn't be any different in his case either.

 

I'm not sure about that first paragraph. Emotional maturity is developed early, imo. That is what i meant. Some people have it in high school, some people never have it.

 

I'm not handling life or conflict with any of them, except girl #1, the 22 yo I have been seeing. We clash sometimes. I call her out on the games and we have been in and out of friend zone a few times. This has lead to friction, because we both have strong personalities. Conflict with her was the same as any female. I didn't see a big difference.

[TheBlingRing14]

No, 19 year olds are not a challenge. Especially the kind you are looking for....carefree, immature, easy.

 

Now, if you want to go after a mature 19 year old...let's say go to Duke University library, find a girl that is pre-Med with a stack of books next to her... that wears penny loafers and cardigans, and won't give ANYONE the time of day because she is a) stuck up b) too focused on studies c) both....hey, if you can snag someone like that....more power to you.

 

But, for a 40 year old guy to snag Miss Party Girl USA....not that impressive. Like someone else said, they probably think THEY are the cool one..."I can get any guy. Look at this old dude that totally wants me."

 

You may think you are the bees knees buddy, and can get all these women with awesome bods, but at the end of the day, you are still just a single guy who gets on a forum site to get advice from us ugly, fat, unattractive simpletons that you just cannot bother to associate with in real life.

[Emilia]

I'm not sure about that first paragraph. Emotional maturity is developed early, imo. That is what i meant. Some people have it in high school, some people never have it.

In that case we are in complete disagreement, maturity implies going through a stage of development, in terms of emotions, I'd say more often than not at least until your 30s. Though it's true that some people will never have it, that's been my experience too. I do think that this is the definition of 'maturity' though, ie something that's achieved over time. An emotionally healthy 40 year-old will have very different level of emotional maturity from an emotionally healthy 20 year-old.

I'm not handling life or conflict with any of them, except girl #1, the 22 yo I have been seeing. We clash sometimes. I call her out on the games and we have been in and out of friend zone a few times. This has lead to friction, because we both have strong personalities. Conflict with her was the same as any female. I didn't see a big difference.

This tells me you lack emotional maturity. I suppose if you believe a high school kid has it, it's probably a given that you don't for your age. This is not an attack, merely stating that what I define as a mature, emotionally satisfying partnership would not have what I bolded.

 

Calling someone out, games, friend zone (ie distancing yourself), being happy with the status quo as with 'any female' rather than seeking improvement, indicate to me that you don't know what an emotionally healthy relationship is. It is not based on power games, or at least not to the degree where you need to distance yourselves emotionally (on/off, friend zone, etc).

[theothersully]

In that case we are in complete disagreement, maturity implies going through a stage of development, in terms of emotions, I'd say more often than not at least until your 30s. Though it's true that some people will never have it, that's been my experience too. I do think that this is the definition of 'maturity' though, ie something that's achieved over time. An emotionally healthy 40 year-old will have very different level of emotional maturity from an emotionally healthy 20 year-old.

 

This tells me you lack emotional maturity. I suppose if you believe a high school kid has it, it's probably a given that you don't for your age. This is not an attack, merely stating that what I define as a mature, emotionally satisfying partnership would not have what I bolded.

 

Calling someone out, games, friend zone (ie distancing yourself), being happy with the status quo as with 'any female' rather than seeking improvement, indicate to me that you don't know what an emotionally healthy relationship is. It is not based on power games, or at least not to the degree where you need to distance yourselves emotionally (on/off, friend zone, etc).

 

Possibly. I keep saying I'm a good match with younger women because I'm not all that mature/serious in life.

 

But the games are from her end, not mine. I actually liked her and would have had a relationship. But, she kept pushing and pulling, friend zoning, etc. I was just normal. I did call her out on the game playing, which is pretty much what she means in the first post of the thread when she says, "come see me, I'm ready. " She means she isn't confused or playing games with me anymore.

 

But at the same time, she is human, She will be confused, make mistakes, etc.... it hurt me for her to play games, because i had developed feelings, but she didn't mean harm by it. it is just the way she gets guys, as i can see, in general. you know the type. Waits 24 to 48 hours to respond to texts, etc....

[Emilia]

But the games are from her end, not mine. I actually liked her and would have had a relationship. But, she kept pushing and pulling, friend zoning, etc. I was just normal. I did call her out on the game playing, which is pretty much what she means in the first post of the thread when she says, "come see me, I'm ready. " She means she isn't confused or playing games with me anymore.

Games are played by two people sully. It's like conflict: you can't have an argument by yourself. You keep participating by being present, by going along. It's enabling. Perhaps she did stop but I'd bet 5,000 of my posts here that she will pull something out soon enough.

But at the same time, she is human, She will be confused, make mistakes, etc.... it hurt me for her to play games, because i had developed feelings, but she didn't mean harm by it. it is just the way she gets guys, as i can see, in general. you know the type. Waits 24 to 48 hours to respond to texts, etc....

Of course she didn't mean harm in a way. She doesn't know any better. This is why she will do it again. She doesn't have the knowledge and confidence to be herself. She is only 19. She is a kid. She doesn't have a clue, she thinks games make her look hard to get and gain respect, she has absolutely no idea how getting respect works.

 

I don't deal with people that wait 24 or 48 hours to respond, regardless of age. My time and peace of mind are precious to me and I have standards, expect to be treated with respect.