Norse Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) I'll try to make this short... I'm just so confused and unsure of her now... Yesterday me and my girlfriend of three months had an interesting discussion. Somehow we got onto the "ex" topic. She's had 31 partners, 10 of which I didn't know this until yesterday she had "cheated on". Some were according to her because of her ex of like three years cheating on her first and during the on and off periods they had, and sometimes while they were doing good she would lie to him and see other guys. She even cheated with a married man her being 17 at that time him in his 30s which completely blows my mind, according to her he was going to leave the wife which he never did. After she had told me this I felt like I just got hit by a Mac truck, this is the first girl in years I've felt I could trust due to being cheated on before, and lo and behold this girl has cheated on quite a few guys. She's a very good person, very kind and sweet, there are no issues in our relationship. Thats why all of this cheating stuff seems so ironic, she doesn't seem like the type. She's very intelligent, in the military, and it would just seem like she would have a sense of morals. Anyway, I asked her to promise she would never cheat on me, and she replied, "I can't promise you that". According to her you never know how a relationship is going to go and thats why you can't promise to be with someone forever because you don't know a relationship will last forever. However... she did promise me that she would leave me before she cheated on me(I asked this of her) She then replied, "so if I just up and dissapear one day you'll know what happened" She seemed like she was joking. All of this just doesn't make sense to me. She also told me for a while she was doing webcams for money before we dated. This also bothers me, because she told me she was offered the job but didn't take it when we had first started talking. Lastly during the whole awkward conversation she told me she had thought the idea of a polygamist relationship would be interesting because she wouldnt have to be smothered by the guy and he would still love her, but it was wrong, so she would never do it. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I don't know what to make of all of this. $#!+ seems bananas to me. Appreciate any thoughts. Edited February 5, 2014 by Norse
ctxinfl Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Can't promise she won't cheat on you? I'd be outta there. That tells me she is already willing and ready to explore other options. She's a serial cheater. And she'll do it to you too. 5
Zahara Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Anyway, I asked her to promise she would never cheat on me, and she replied, "I can't promise you that".. She's a serial cheater. You're not the exception in her world, just the rule. She's giving you a clear and loud warning. You're only in this for 3 months. I'd get out of it, as painful as it is but I wouldn't want to face the possibility of being in deeper pain in the future and having to endure cheating. 2
Author Norse Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 This is true, but she did promise she would leave before she cheated on me. With that being said, I could relate. If I didn't want to be with someone I would leave the person I was with first.
Philosoraptor Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Woah, I can see not promising "forever". But not being able to promise not to have the decency to end a relationship before sleeping with someone else? That's just garbage. Get out before you waste any more time with her. 1
mammasita Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Wait, what? She can't promise she won't cheat, but she can promise that she'd leave before she cheats? Makes no sense. I don't think thats even possible for somone who has "cheating" flowing through veins. I wouldn't count on her up and leaving. Good luck trusting her. 2
Zahara Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 This is true, but she did promise she would leave before she cheated on me. With that being said, I could relate. If I didn't want to be with someone I would leave the person I was with first. Err...you're relying on her word -- just because she said so -- when she is patterned to lie and cheat on partners? It would be awfully foolish to take a cheater's words as gospel. And when you asked her, she said she couldn't promise it to you. Only after you asked her to leave before she cheats, did she say she will comply. Denial is a real bitch to get over. Start trying.
Author Norse Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 I mean I know people can change their bad ways. But she really does have a bad track record. I'm going to discuss that "can't promise I wont cheat on you" thing with her again today. Shes seriously going to have to explain that because to me that makes no sense, and apparently to no one else either.
Author Norse Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Err...you're relying on her word -- just because she said so -- when she is patterned to lie and cheat on partners? It would be awfully foolish to take a cheater's words as gospel. And when you asked her, she said she couldn't promise it to you. Only after you asked her to leave before she cheats, did she say she will comply. Denial is a real bitch to get over. Start trying. She promised she would leave me before she cheated on me after saying she couldn't promise me she would never cheat on me. So essentially she shouldnt be cheating on me, but it really is screwed up that she couldn't promise it to begin with....
ctxinfl Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I mean I know people can change their bad ways. But she really does have a bad track record. I'm going to discuss that "can't promise I wont cheat on you" thing with her again today. Shes seriously going to have to explain that because to me that makes no sense, and apparently to no one else either. What is that going to accomplish? So she says, "OK. I'll never cheat on you." Would you believe her? She's already proven to be a serial cheater. And by definition cheaters are liars.
Zahara Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I mean I know people can change their bad ways. But she really does have a bad track record. I'm going to discuss that "can't promise I wont cheat on you" thing with her again today. Shes seriously going to have to explain that because to me that makes no sense, and apparently to no one else either. Dude, stop being weak. So, if you talk to her and she promises you and tells you what you want to hear all will be well? She'll do what you need for her to do? Cheaters are selfish. It's all about them and what they want. It is not about you and your needs. Think. You are with someone that is wired this way. Any amount of talking will not change the fact that you will be no different than those 10 saps she cheated on. You really need to wake up. 2
Zahara Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 She promised she would leave me before she cheated on me after saying she couldn't promise me she would never cheat on me. So essentially she shouldnt be cheating on me, but it really is screwed up that she couldn't promise it to begin with.... Good god. Are you really this naive? A promise has no worth when it is coming out of a cheaters mouth. No value. No meaning. You are projecting your values, morals and expectations on her. She's a serial cheater. What you believe is wrong/right/acceptable/unacceptable does not register with her. She even told you point blank that she can't promise she won't cheat. What sort of mindset do you have to be in to say that? What sort of relationship do you have if you have to have a discussion with her over her inability to promise that she will leave before she cheats? If you're having these types of dicussions, you're in a world of trouble.
Keenly Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 This girl is a drama A-bomb. Why the hell would you EVER want to be in a relationship with a woman who has cheated on 10 partners, and can't even promise you faithfulness. Might as well stick your heart in a blender. The outcome will be similar. 2
ThatMan Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 You are not responsible for her actions. The bigger question is what the heck is wrong with you?! Why would you even briefly for a second consider a relationship with this person? Why did you put up with her history of being a webcam whore? Why did you put up with being in a relationship with a women who clearly wants to be in an open and polygamist relationship? Come on, man, take a moment to think about this. You have to be willing to say no to behaviors that are bat**** crazy.
pickflicker Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Holy dooormat, Batman! Exactly. We may not be able to promise to love someone forever, but to create a loophole like "I can't promise I won't cheat on you" - uh oh, spaghetti-o's! Yep, get out now. Next!
jcrew11 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 what is your GF's age? Does she want to get married and have babies? It sounds like your girlfriend is really hot, like a perfect 10, if she is able to do the webcam stuff, and also bang a married man at 17. Pretty girls can pretty much get away with anything they want.
SunnySide0418 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 She promised she would leave me before she cheated on me after saying she couldn't promise me she would never cheat on me. So essentially she shouldnt be cheating on me, but it really is screwed up that she couldn't promise it to begin with.... OMG really? That's what they all say. Take it from someone who cheated... me. She doesn't sounds as if she learned a thing. And then she tells you if she just disappears one day you'll know why?? This girl has major self esteem issues or something is going on that she is this way. You guys seem to be way different. I know it will hurt but this is a recipe for disaster and you WILL end up getting hurt. Also, can you really live like that wondering constantly?
Radu Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 (edited) This is true, but she did promise she would leave before she cheated on me. With that being said, I could relate. If I didn't want to be with someone I would leave the person I was with first. Cheating is not about sexing up someone else behind your SO's back. Cheating is about breaking the trust that person has placed in you. Good luck with your faith in her promise. PS: Keep her for the sex, because your relationship won't ammount to anything else. Edited February 6, 2014 by Radu 1
kaylan Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 (edited) Can't promise she won't cheat on you? I'd be outta there. That tells me she is already willing and ready to explore other options. She's a serial cheater. And she'll do it to you too. Not a fan of the number of partners shes had, and definitely not a fan of the cheating. (nvm the teenage skank homewrecker story...just wow) Dump her now OP...she doesnt sound trustworthy at all. Women like this chick are exactly why I take my time to really vet a woman before committing to her. Im gonna be honest and blunt with you, as if you were a close friend OP. Man up and leave this woman. If you stay with her, you will get no sympathy here for whatever trouble comes your way. Dont be a punk whos so needy that he stays with a bad woman. Be a man bro. Edited February 6, 2014 by kaylan 1
Woggle Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Time to next this one. She outright said she can't say she won't cheat on you. 1
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