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How many wait till marriage nowadays (gf wants it that way)?

MBSprinter

By MBSprinter
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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MBSprinter New Member

MBSprinter

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I would like to know what you think of this. I've decided to wait because I love my gf.

We've been dating for nearly 6 months and it's also my first relationship (I'm also a virgin and 19 years old). Thing is, we do the other things except intercourse or anal.

 

I've been lately masturbating more often and sometimes imagine how it would be like if we were doing it. I don't mind if she decides to do it while in the relationship but it's really up to her and I respect her choice. Only thing is we'll be like this for years until finishing college. It turns me on even when we were in the swimming pool and making-out. Or the other time where she got on top of me and we were humping each other with clothes on.

 

I hope for the best and that this last. I would hate to get suddenly because then it would mean all the waiting and exercising self-restrain would be all for nothing (I mean, I'm willing to sacrifice sex if that's how she wants the relationship to be like for years until our wedding). At the same time, I still get tempted like any guy but managed to control my high sex drive. I guess it's even harder if he's a virgin himself and girl is making him wait that long while doing the other things. I do want to eventually have a child but when I'm older off course and done with college.

 

So does others still practice this? Some of my friends actually tell me they really pity me and how I'm going to miss out all my college years. I get that but if you love someone wouldn't you wait for them?

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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When do you guys plan on getting married?

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MBSprinter New Member

MBSprinter

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When do you guys plan on getting married?
After we finish college. We would be 22/23 by then.
Fluttershy Established Member

Fluttershy

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Is this because of her beliefs? Because it is still quite common in religeous circles.

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MBSprinter New Member

MBSprinter

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Is this because of her beliefs? Because it is still quite common in religeous circles.
Yes, she's Christian and wants her first time to be special. Interesting is she was happy to hear I'm a virgin too (unlike certain friend who keep telling me girls don't like it; she sounded excited to be honest).

 

I'm a Catholic but wouldn't have mind if she wanted to do it while in the relationship. I respect her wish though.

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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I would like to know what you think of this. I've decided to wait because I love my gf.

We've been dating for nearly 6 months and it's also my first relationship (I'm also a virgin and 19 years old). Thing is, we do the other things except intercourse or anal.

 

I've been lately masturbating more often and sometimes imagine how it would be like if we were doing it. I don't mind if she decides to do it while in the relationship but it's really up to her and I respect her choice. Only thing is we'll be like this for years until finishing college. It turns me on even when we were in the swimming pool and making-out. Or the other time where she got on top of me and we were humping each other with clothes on.

 

I hope for the best and that this last. I would hate to get suddenly because then it would mean all the waiting and exercising self-restrain would be all for nothing (I mean, I'm willing to sacrifice sex if that's how she wants the relationship to be like for years until our wedding). At the same time, I still get tempted like any guy but managed to control my high sex drive. I guess it's even harder if he's a virgin himself and girl is making him wait that long while doing the other things. I do want to eventually have a child but when I'm older off course and done with college.

 

So does others still practice this? Some of my friends actually tell me they really pity me and how I'm going to miss out all my college years. I get that but if you love someone wouldn't you wait for them?

 

Frankly, you have to both really want this. if it's being led from her side, for whatever reason, and you are simply agreeing to please her, then this is doomed to failure.

Also, frankly?

 

At 19??

 

Jeesh, man! I have to say, I agree with your buddies - this is no time to curb your urges, sorry, but it isn't. I believe it's unreasonable for her to impose these conditions, if you are not of the same mind-frame and opinion.

 

That's just crazy.

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Yes, she's Christian and wants her first time to be special. Interesting is she was happy to hear I'm a virgin too (unlike certain friend who keep telling me girls don't like it; she sounded excited to be honest).

 

I'm a Catholic but wouldn't have mind if she wanted to do it while in the relationship. I respect her wish though.

 

Well let her first time be special with someone who feels absolutely the same way, not someone who's masturbating more and more out of frustration, gets turned on easily, and who's just going along with it to please her.

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Mr. Nibbles Member

Mr. Nibbles

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Wow. Best of luck to you two.

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Silly_Girl Established Member

Silly_Girl

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Some of my friends actually tell me they really pity me and how I'm going to miss out all my college years. I get that but if you love someone wouldn't you wait for them?

 

No. If I loved them I would want to be sure we were fully compatible in all of the important ways before I expected them to make a very serious commitment to me.

 

Sex is a very important strand in a loving, committed relationship - in my book - and whilst I would be happy to take it slowly, I would not be prepared to wait until marriage.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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After we finish college. We would be 22/23 by then.

Hate to break it to you, but there is very little chance that your relationship will last 3-4 years. Especially if it's your first one.

 

How would you feel, if she left you two years down the line and ended up sleeping with somebody else, and you stayed the good boy and never had sex with her?

 

Yes, she's Christian and wants her first time to be special.
Sex doesn't have to be on the wedding night to be special.

 

The first time my ex girlfriend and I had sex was on the 4th of July after we had watched the beach side fireworks show cuddling on the sand.

 

That was special.

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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What happens when you get married and then she decides she doesn't like sex?

 

You have just wasted years of your life waiting for nothing.

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janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

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If she feels very strongly that she wants to wait, then I admire you for not pushing it. Some may say she is "leading," but honestly, I see you as a very strong man for not pushing her to violate her own code.

 

This is what I see happening (and I say this as a woman who waited until her wedding night, which was after the age of 25):

 

You two will continue to get closer, the relationship will last, and you may eventually marry. If this is the case and you love her, who cares if you didn't sleep with a bunch of women beforehand?

 

Your relationship will run its course and you will break up. If this happens, then she will still be a virgin (what she wants) and you will go on to date other people and probably have sex with them.

 

You will continue to date, and she will come to her own decision that because she loves you waiting is not necessary. If this happens, then it was HER decision. You may keep dating or break up, but at least you treated her with honor.

 

You are only 19. If you don't sleep with her, you date for 2 years and break up, what is the problem? You still have plenty of time for sex, and she has also kept her values.

 

Just take it one day at a time.

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ZMM Established Member

ZMM

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I think it's a bad idea. How would you know if you were sexually compatible?

Fluttershy Established Member

Fluttershy

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I think it's a bad idea. How would you know if you were sexually compatible?

 

People who have never had sex are sexial compatible because they have nothing to compare it to. They learn together. That doesn't really apply to virgins as it does to sexually experienced people. What can become a problem is if either party starts getting curious later down the road and then gets obsessed with it. Of course there is the danger of someone missing sex with different people too.

 

OP, don't pressure her to go against her beliefs. Nobody should be shamed or pushed into giving up their virginity. And while some disagree there is nothing wrong in waiting until marriage. I know lots o people who have and have wonderful marriages since. Enjoy the foreplay you are doing if she allows that. Honestly? Penetration is wonderful of course but i think virgins put it on a pedastle.

 

If you decide that you can't wait then end the relationship. You aren't on the same page. But don't let her decide to hae sex with you to keep you because that will just cause resentment.

 

Take care.

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ZMM Established Member

ZMM

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People who have never had sex are sexial compatible because they have nothing to compare it to. They learn together. That doesn't really apply to virgins as it does to sexually experienced people. What can become a problem is if either party starts getting curious later down the road and then gets obsessed with it. Of course there is the danger of someone missing sex with different people too.

 

OP, don't pressure her to go against her beliefs. Nobody should be shamed or pushed into giving up their virginity. And while some disagree there is nothing wrong in waiting until marriage. I know lots o people who have and have wonderful marriages since. Enjoy the foreplay you are doing if she allows that. Honestly? Penetration is wonderful of course but i think virgins put it on a pedastle.

 

If you decide that you can't wait then end the relationship. You aren't on the same page. But don't let her decide to hae sex with you to keep you because that will just cause resentment.

 

Take care.

 

I'm not one to talk - even if you have sex before marriage, later down the road you might find out you are sexually incompatible.

 

I wouldn't push her either - if she believes that way, that is the way it is.

 

I guess they really don't know what type people they themselves are sexually, so a good chance when they find out, they may find out they aren't compatible. Maybe it won't be a big deal, maybe they will turn out to be very similar, maybe not. Just saying, I wish I would have found out more and been more concerned about that part of a M before I got married.

janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

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I would say if they are already regularly doing everything "except intercourse," they probably have an idea of how compatible they are. IN situations where one is a virgin but was very into "heavy petting" ( I hate that phrase) and the other was completely innocent except for a goodnight kiss, it would be hard to tell.

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MBSprinter New Member

MBSprinter

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Well let her first time be special with someone who feels absolutely the same way, not someone who's masturbating more and more out of frustration, gets turned on easily, and who's just going along with it to please her.
It's not my fault I get an erection but I'll still wait for her. What's wrong with masturbating? I don't mind doing this during this whole time.

 

I've noticed some of you pointed out the possible outcome of not being compatible. We do enjoy oral sex, heavy humping into each other and she likes being fingered so I have an idea it'll turn on good. She's fine with doing all these things, just not sex nor anal sex.

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MBSprinter New Member

MBSprinter

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I would say if they are already regularly doing everything "except intercourse," they probably have an idea of how compatible they are. IN situations where one is a virgin but was very into "heavy petting" ( I hate that phrase) and the other was completely innocent except for a goodnight kiss, it would be hard to tell.
No, she does likes giving and receiving oral sex.
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MBSprinter New Member

MBSprinter

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Hate to break it to you, but there is very little chance that your relationship will last 3-4 years. Especially if it's your first one.

 

How would you feel, if she left you two years down the line and ended up sleeping with somebody else, and you stayed the good boy and never had sex with her?

Then, I would move on and date other girls. By then I would not wait anymore.

Sex doesn't have to be on the wedding night to be special.

 

The first time my ex girlfriend and I had sex was on the 4th of July after we had watched the beach side fireworks show cuddling on the sand.

 

That was special.

I know it doesn't really have to be on the wedding night to some people but to her, this is really important. Some of her family members are religious too.
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It doesn't matter how many people think it's important to save it for marriage or how many people actually go. Right now that is the CHOICE your girlfriend has made for HER body. You have to respect it. If you can't accept it, that's you choice & you can walk away. You can also stay & talk to her about her decision but you can't force her.

 

 

All that said, I suspect more people then not change their minds about what they want between 19 & graduation from college. If you don't believe me think about all the college myths about some beloved campus icon that will fall or be destroyed if a virgin ever graduates from that institution.

winterpast Established Member

winterpast

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Respecting what is important to each other is going to be one of the most important qualities you can have in a marriage. If you are ok with the current arrangement then don't worry about whether or not everyone else is doing the same thing.

 

Some people wait and some don't. It's up to the couple and not what is the social norm.

 

As far as finding out if you are sexually compatible before marriage... It's about learning about each other's bodies and what they like. The first time may not be mind blowing but you work on it. Practice makes perfect ;).

 

And if you are already able to pleasure each other now then I don't think you'll have any problems with sex later...

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Then, I would move on and date other girls. By then I would not wait anymore.

 

I just feel that you could end up spending a long time with this girl and end up feeling that you missed out.

 

IMO, if I were in your situation I would just have sex with her without talking about it first.

 

Meaning, all you really have to do is put a condom on while giving her oral. When you know that she's really into it and is close to orgasm, tell her that you are going to put your penis in her. If she doesn't tell you to stop, then stick it in.

 

Frankly, when you've already gotten to the point where you are fingering and giving each other oral, you're pretty much past the point where you talk about sex and making it special.

Kizmet Fisher Established Member

Kizmet Fisher

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I just feel that you could end up spending a long time with this girl and end up feeling that you missed out.

 

IMO, if I were in your situation I would just have sex with her without talking about it first.

 

Meaning, all you really have to do is put a condom on while giving her oral. When you know that she's really into it and is close to orgasm, tell her that you are going to put your penis in her. If she doesn't tell you to stop, then stick it in.

 

Frankly, when you've already gotten to the point where you are fingering and giving each other oral, you're pretty much past the point where you talk about sex and making it special.

 

Your advice sounds awfully date-rapey somedude. :(

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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"When you know that she's really into it and is close to orgasm, tell her that you are going to put your penis in her. If she doesn't tell you to stop, then stick it in."

 

How is that rape?

Kizmet Fisher Established Member

Kizmet Fisher

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"When you know that she's really into it and is close to orgasm, tell her that you are going to put your penis in her. If she doesn't tell you to stop, then stick it in."

 

How is that rape?

 

From my own experience, when women are really enjoying a sexual experience their hearing is pretty terrible unless their partner is very close to their ear. If he's going down on her as you suggest, and as she is about to orgasm (hello lack of awareness of surroundings) there's a good chance she won't say no because she won't hear him.

 

Also, even if she hears him and deliberately doesn't stop him, there's a good chance she'll regret it once the moment passes it. She has been pretty clear about wants and may resent OP for ambushing her when she isn't thinking clearly.

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