Author Dogberry Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Cheaters always suspect others are as underhanded. I should have added she had multiple relationships, up to four guys at a time in her teens.
jaycee1 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Are you jealous of her past for fear of losing her? Or are you maybe looking for a reason to justify, why she isn't right for you? Sometimes if something missing in a relationship, we look at silly reasons to justify in our mid why they weren't right.
jaycee1 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I should have added she had multiple relationships, up to four guys at a time in her teens. Really in her teens??? Do you not remember teen dating? Half of what you remember is fictional cause our memory not as clear. And we were kids, those don't even count as relationships in my book.
maiden of rohan Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I should have added she had multiple relationships, up to four guys at a time in her teens. You're judging a 49-year old woman by something she did in her teens. Do you realize how absurd that is? One, she can't change her past anymore than you can change yours. Does she judge you for your less than stellar history? Honestly, this is something that you're either going to have get over, and get over quick, or let her go and find someone that accepts as she is. History and all. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I know i am being irrational and unfair, but feelings arent rational are they? No. But when we recognise they're irrational , we process them accordingly, we don't continue to think irrationally.... I told her about my affairs when i was married, i have never excused them, i know they were wrong. My ex wife gave up on sex and we lived separately. I realize now that i should have just left, but i held on for the sake of my daughter. Has she called you out on this and condemned you for your actions? She also cheated on boyfriends, she had four at a time in her teens, she sees nothing wrong with that. Maybe i should have added thatSo what? That was then, this is now. I know teens who have done much crazier things, like get so drunk their livers go into premature failure, of have a cheap tattoo done and get a dreadful skin infection requiring grafts. On their faces. I actually know people who have done this. Sex with 4 guys really pales into insignificance. No baby, no abortion, no STD. What exactly dafuq is your problem?! What i would really like to know, is why the hell am i jealous? Because you're irrational. Process it. Beats the hell out of me, yet I still fell that way, and judging by posts i see on the internet, i am not alone. So what? you're going to join the bandwagon and do what every other judgemental schmuck has done, are you? Ruin a perfectly good relationship because of your irrational emotions? You go fellah.... 1
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 peoples' actions and behaviors from their teens reflect who they are and become as adults...he has every right to judge someone based on their past... especially a past like that. Yes your past makes you who you are now. But even if she was a slut before she turned 20, she spent the next 20 years being a faithful loving wife. Doesn't her latest & more consistent behavior out weigh her childhood experimentation? I'm much more inclined to judge a 44 year old women by actions she took at 30, not 18. Plus the really hypocritical part -- as the OP acknowledges -- is that HE cheated on his wife. She did what she did before she got married.
TaraMaiden Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 since calling a spade a spade is out of the question on these forums.. No, some of 'us' call it a phekkin' shovel.... peoples' actions and behaviors from their teens reflect who they are and become as adults... Bull. There are millions of choices along the way. there's a difference between programming and conditioning. We are programmed to have sex. We are conditioned to do it in different ways. We are programmed into religion, morals, ethics, and social values. But I defy anyone here to say that all of those have remained pretty much unchanged since their teens. It's unthinkable. Besides, everyone knows that a teenager's brain isn't 'fully wired' yet, so that's just a ridiculous assertion to make.... he has every right to judge someone based on their past... especially a past like that. No he doesn't. particularly if the judgement is not reciprocal, he hasn't.... im surprised the women aren't actually slut shaming her since thats a woman's job in this society. No, we leave that to you. You do 'bitch' so much better.... Its funny how if this thread were posted by a woman whose current boyfriend is a player and slept around with 100s of women were posted, all the women and men here would tell the woman to leave... funny how hypocritical many of the long time posters here can be Whereas of course, you can always be depended upon to remain unbiased, and critical of either sex, whatever the case. yeah. Su-u-u-u-re.... 1
Danger Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) It bothers you as a man because a woman with a high historical partner count is a greater risk for chuckling. Her past is her best indication of her future. Your history does not matter here because it is not your duty to atone for your sins by committing to a woman who has a ridiculously high partner count. Your job is to find the best match for YOU....let her worry about finding the right match for her. Bottom line, I certainly would not be forming any relationship with this woman beyond sex, which should be just fine with her since she seems to like a lot of different partners anyway. Edited February 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Study citation redacted
soccerrprp Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 im surprised the women aren't actually slut shaming her since thats a woman's job in this society. Ugh. I hope I misinterpreted this. its funny how if this thread were posted by a woman whose current boyfriend is a player and slept around with 100s of women were posted, all the women and men here would tell the woman to leave... funny how hypocritical many of the long time posters here can be I often make the mistake of making comments in threads w/o fully understanding the circumstance and somewhat out of context. Perhaps you did as well. She is CURRENTLY not engaged in such behavior and presumably has been faithful to the OP for a year. Another very important detail is that the OP was told of her past 6-months into the relation and remained up to this point. So not new news. So, why now the doubt and critical disapproval of his gf that he says that he loves??? 1
Author Dogberry Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 Really in her teens??? Do you not remember teen dating? Half of what you remember is fictional cause our memory not as clear. And we were kids, those don't even count as relationships in my book. Well the problem is she does remember, and until i asked her to stop she referred to it ad nauseum. I dont really know why she felt the need to tell me about her multiple dating and other stuff, but she did, every day. Personally i think she has as many issues around it as i do.
TaraMaiden Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Well the problem is she does remember, and until i asked her to stop she referred to it ad nauseum. I dont really know why she felt the need to tell me about her multiple dating and other stuff, but she did, every day. Personally i think she has as many issues around it as i do. I doubt it. Or at least, they weren't as prominent or significant until you made it a big deal.... What are you doing about you issues, then?
Author Dogberry Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 You're judging a 49-year old woman by something she did in her teens. Do you realize how absurd that is? One, she can't change her past anymore than you can change yours. Does she judge you for your less than stellar history? Honestly, this is something that you're either going to have get over, and get over quick, or let her go and find someone that accepts as she is. History and all. Actually i didnt care about her history, i would rather not know, the problem is she is somewhat proud of it and went on about it alot, until i asked her to stop.
TaraMaiden Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Gosh, you know, you're being such a drama queen. If I were she, I'd ask YOU to leave..... I'm sorry, but you really are making far too much of this. 1
Author Dogberry Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 Gosh, you know, you're being such a drama queen. If I were she, I'd ask YOU to leave..... I'm sorry, but you really are making far too much of this. She probably would if i wasnt so awesome in bed lol
maiden of rohan Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Actually i didnt care about her history, i would rather not know, the problem is she is somewhat proud of it and went on about it alot, until i asked her to stop. So what? Honestly, if I were with a guy that cared about something I did when I was a teen that had NO bearing on him or our relationship, I'd up and walk. No one needs that kind of nonsense.
TaraMaiden Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 We might be talking about it, but the problem is clearly yours. What are you going to do about your problem?
Author Dogberry Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 So what? Honestly, if I were with a guy that cared about something I did when I was a teen that had NO bearing on him or our relationship, I'd up and walk. No one needs that kind of nonsense. Possibly, but everyone has foibles, and that is mine.
Author Dogberry Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 We might be talking about it, but the problem is clearly yours. What are you going to do about your problem? Well i posted on this forum for starters. The replies here have made me think a bit. I also get councelling as part of my job, i shall raise it there. The bizarre thing is i have no problems with her recent past, so yes i know it is my issue, which is why i posted it here in the first place.
TaraMaiden Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Possibly, but everyone has foibles, and that is mine. It's not a foible. It's a huge mental block to being able to accept her for who she is, today. 'Foibles' is putting the milk in the left-hand side of the fridge door, or always folding a towel lengthways into three. This - is not a foible. It's a possible deal-breaker. If you can't get past this, then I see little hope in you being able to function fairly in this relationship. 1
twosadthings Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 The problem as I see it is that you think her bragging and wearing a merit badge about her juggling three or four guys at once while she was a teen is inappropriate in this point in her life. I would also wonder why at forty nine and after five recent lovers she had the need to make that revelation. Tell her how you feel about it and have a discussion. Twosadthings
Author Dogberry Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 It's not a foible. It's a huge mental block to being able to accept her for who she is, today. 'Foibles' is putting the milk in the left-hand side of the fridge door, or always folding a towel lengthways into three. This - is not a foible. It's a possible deal-breaker. If you can't get past this, then I see little hope in you being able to function fairly in this relationship. Thanks for tour input The problem as I see it is that you think her bragging and wearing a merit badge about her juggling three or four guys at once while she was a teen is inappropriate in this point in her life. I would also wonder why at forty nine and after five recent lovers she had the need to make that revelation. Tell her how you feel about it and have a discussion. Twosadthings Indeed, nail on the head. The good thing about our relationship is that we can talk about stuff, so we shall do just that.
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 (edited) Dogberry -- Your statements that she brought up her past & seems to be bragging about it to the point where you had to ask her to stop, changes the equation. It's one thing to have sown some wild oats as a kid. It's another to be bragging about morally questionable choices 20+ years later in the context of a new relationship. I'd reconsider your relationship with her on the grounds that she has some odd / inappropriate boundaries now as opposed to how she acted as a child. It almost sounds as though she's looking to run wild again. If she is, fine. She's an adult & she can make her own choices. Your choice is whether you want to take the ride with her. Edited February 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Study references redacted 1
BradJacobs Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 peoples' actions and behaviors from their teens reflect who they are and become as adults... If I were to be judged as a teenager then I could still run for office. That's not the case any longer due to a string of bad decisions in my 20s. I'm not bragging; simply trying to make a point that people change based on their priorities in life.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 This is why I don't want to know about anyone's past. Unless you have a disease or have children from a past relationship (in which case I only want to know if you actually see those children). Whatever I don't know won't hurt me and whatever I do know will hurt me. So, my advice is to pretend like she never told you anything and ignorance will be bliss... 1
Phantom888 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 This is why I don't want to know about anyone's past. Unless you have a disease or have children from a past relationship (in which case I only want to know if you actually see those children). Whatever I don't know won't hurt me and whatever I do know will hurt me. So, my advice is to pretend like she never told you anything and ignorance will be bliss... How does one ignore or forget what is known? I often wish there were an amnesia pill. I think, with counseling / therapy, you'll be able to get over this. It's not about the truth... it's all about perspectives.
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