LaylaSings Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 When we talked about ending it we both said we thought we should stop. He said he didn't want to but understood why I said we should. I really meant forever when I said it. Now looking back we were both so non commited about it. We still planned to see each other and talk just agreed to stay in the lines. I felt like a weight had been lifted off. He went from being on my mind every single second to every other second instead. I even stopped obsessively checking this site. It's only been a week and a few days though. And now after seeing him, but not contacting each other privately at all in that time, after seeing how he stars still and hearing his wife say his upset he's been at home, I feel like we just hit pause instead of really ending anything. Because my urge is so strong to be there for him but I won't initiate contact because if he's strong enough not too I'm not going to mess things up for him like that. If he contacts me though I don't know how strong I can stay. I really just want inf more kiss. Sounds ridiculous but I really don't feel like this is over. Anyone been here?
carhill Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Yep, wore out the pause button. During such pauses I continued looking for a single and available partner, to no avail. Then, either one of us would hit 'play' again or we'd run into each other and 'stuff' would resume. This went on over a period of about eight years. During that time, she had (she said) another affair, got pregnant (know that, since I met her now adult son a number of times, as well as her daughter), husband had an affair (she said), etc, etc. IMO, it was 'unfinished business' that kept things on 'pause' instead of hitting 'stop'. Even after I hit a hard 'pause' and we didn't have contact with each other for 14 years after, there was no doubt when she called me that it had only been a 'pause'. Again, unfinished business. We finished our business and life has hopefully gone on happily for both of us. In your case, you're in early days. If you're young, this will likely be some pretty intense times. Go with the flow. One bit of advice I can share.... while it's fine to do so, the time you spend focused on this relationship *can* distract you from otherwise compatible and interested/interesting partners. This can happen even if you actively date others. If your mind and emotions are still in 'pause' mode, it's hard to hit 'play' with anyone else. Good luck. 1
neongem Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I know exactly how you feel. I have been pushing the pause button with my SO for 10 years now. He has a girlfriend now (whom he despises but stays with because of custody issues...or so he says) and they have a child together (not planned) but we've played the "we're done" game more times than I could ever count. Even tonight, I told him I couldn't do this with him anymore, if he wants me, end it. Fight for me. I know he won't. I know he won't rock the boat, even if it means not having me. But it still feels like pause. Pause is a really, really hard cycle to get out of. If you find your way, please give me directions...
Lady2163 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 When we talked about ending it we both said we thought we should stop. He said he didn't want to but understood why I said we should. I really meant forever when I said it. Now looking back we were both so non commited about it. We still planned to see each other and talk just agreed to stay in the lines. I felt like a weight had been lifted off. He went from being on my mind every single second to every other second instead. I even stopped obsessively checking this site. It's only been a week and a few days though. And now after seeing him, but not contacting each other privately at all in that time, after seeing how he stars still and hearing his wife say his upset he's been at home, I feel like we just hit pause instead of really ending anything. Because my urge is so strong to be there for him but I won't initiate contact because if he's strong enough not too I'm not going to mess things up for him like that. If he contacts me though I don't know how strong I can stay. I really just want inf more kiss. Sounds ridiculous but I really don't feel like this is over. Anyone been here? We've taken a couple of "breaks" during the seven years of our friendship. I don't know why I just didn't let him go last time. There was a miscommunication about I wouldn't respond if he texted instead of called. He stood me up in a text, had a weekend with family plans. I was fine with all of that, BUT I felt he should call me. No call Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. On Friday, I finally sent a text, "Youre not a jerk, but you're acting like one..." Now, if the silent treatment happens again, I'm going to let him go. I will be miserable. We are long distance, we could very well end the physical side and still be friends who talk once in a while. BUT, I doubt we could ever see each ether privately again. Lunch in broad daylight would be pushing it. Awfully easy to hop in a car and find a deserted country road and we are back where we started. One more kiss may be your undoing...
violet1 Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Yes, my exMOM and I put pause on our A, continued talking after I ended it. A month or so later I was busted. Layla, I honestly don't think you want to end it. I'm pretty sure it'll be back on full force before you know it. One call from him is all it will take. If you want it to end that badly, you'll end it, that simple. I was you so I know exactly how this will turn out for you except your D Day will be much worse because your H knows and is friends with the MOM.
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