StGeorge22 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hey guys I'm after a bit of advice/ input. Quick back story on me, broke up with my long term gf about 18 months ago. Spent the first six months completely single, and the last 12 months in a weird state of seeing my ex for a bit, her leaving, me dating other people, her coming back etc. But now it is well and truely over and I feel like for the first time I'm actually ready to meet someone new. I've never really struggled talking to girl and in the initial stages of attraction or actually getting a date, I have always been fine. But where I am really struggling is keeping my cool on the first date or two. Recently I caught up with a female friend for a drink and she brought her friend, Anyway, I had zero expectations and as a result was just laid back and me and the friend hit it off. I asked her out for a drink and she was keen, had a kiss and the feedback from my friend the next day was that she thought I was a great guy, we had lots in common and she thought I was good looking. Was holding my hand and touching my leg throughout the day etc. Anyway there was a bit of texting during the week but I def wasn't too needy. The date comes around and I dunno, I was just so keen to impress that I went over the top. Was just acting so loud, fishing for compliments and even tried to lock in a second date while the first date was still going! She even said at one stage "gee you are trying really hard to impress me". I basically blew it by just being over the top. Spoke to her a few days later and she said she didn't think we would be compatible because our personalities are different. I was kicking myself because actually our personalities are the same, I was just so keen to impress that I went over board. Anyway, I know the easy answer is to "just relax" but does anyone have any decent literature to read about this? And secondly, is it worth contacting this girl in a few weeks to say I was a bit nervous etc and would she consider having another drink?
imatradie81 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Dude, you need to relax, but this is salvageable, just tell her the truth and say you were not yourself, a bit nervous and over the top, take her somewhere your treat to make it up to her. Next time, have a shot of scotch before you leave the house and calm down.
CherryBlossom200 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 The best dates for me with guys have always been where we have been ourselves. When I started dating a few years ago after a LTR, I was a bit rusty and kept trying so hard to impress that I came across really cold/aloof. If you relax, and be yourself you will find the girl will warm to you a lot quicker. Women are pretty intuative, I can tell by a guy's body language just how comfortable he is. Of course I know at the start it can be a bit awkward and both sides will be nervous. But about 20/30 mins in, if the conversation flows you should start relaxing and start being yourself. The key to a good 1st/2nd date is to have fun! Laugh, smile, have interesting conversation, go with the flow. If you can do that then pretty much you are guaranteed a really good date with a girl who would want to see you again.
ktya Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Read up on sales techniques. Theres lots of books about it and it translates well to dating. Much better than PUA dating guides you will find online. Some pointers. Ask open ended questions that will get the girl talking abojt herself. Women are curious creatures who for some reason the more they have told you about themselves the more comfortable they feel around you. Dont grill them just ask and let them talk and shut up while they are talking. Women also are perpetually nervous on dates about how they look so give them smart compliments about their appearance. "you look hot" isnt good because they will either see through it or figure your only after sex but a "i really like your hair / outfit / earrings" will put them at ease.
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 If you can recognize that you are being over the top in the moment, consciously dial it back. Everybody understands nerves on the 1st date.
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