shabna Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm 24, turning 25 this month working full time (my dream job) and have a perfect professional life. My story is a bit lengthy!!! Apologies It all started when i graduated from college and got placed in a very good company. I had to leave my family (We live with our parents till we get married in our country) and moved to a different state to pursue my career. I was homesick and often kept visiting my parents. I literally had no one to talk to, that was the time i started noticing him. He was a very shy, conservative and extremely talented guy. He was my mentor's friend and kept silently observing me. I developed a crush on him very fast. One day (that's the first day we spoke) i told him i had a crush on him and he reciprocated. We stared really falling for each other. We never knew when we became a couple and started hanging out on every weekend. I was very happy with him, until i caught him texting and chatting with his Ex (whose already married and expecting a divorce) I felt the whole world was tearing apart. I did stupid things to myself and wanted to break up with him. He convinced me and begged to give him one more chance. I forgave him, but it still did hurt me. We were together for a couple of months and i got my transfer to my hometown which i applied earlier. We were sure about each other so we decided to maintain a LDR. This was the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted him to talk to me everyday which he did not do. We never skyped in this 2 year LDR. All he did was call me once a week. Its not like we live continents away... We stay 750 miles away. He visited me thrice a year for our anniversary, my birthday and his birthday (Which i begged him). Its not that he doesn't have money or something (Man he earns big bucks, double than i earn). But i always kept waiting for him to call and divert myself to my professional life (he never attends my call). We argued a lot about this. He kept saying that he doesn't talk cuz i keep arguing why we dont talk (Is this a reason!!!). Anyway, this went on for 2 years. The real problem started when my parents wanted me to settle down and get married. I told my parents about him, at first they did not approve (Love marriages!!!! Its a crime here ) I convinced them and finally they met him and spoke, they agreed cuz this was going to make me happy. It was now his turn to convince his family into our marriage. He made me wait for a year and finally said that he cannot convince his family. They don't approve of me. He asked me to wait for few more years. I got stuck between my parents and him. they were forcing me to get married and he doesn't even talk to me. I broke down real bad. One day i unfriend him from Facebook and emailed him that this is over. I did this to make him give me a proper commitment. But i was wrong, he just asked me why i unfriend him and stopped talking to me completely. I dunno what i'm doing with my life. I'm shattered, i didn't know breakup will hurt like this. This was my first serious relationship. My parents are looking for my suitable partner. I told them i cant go through this right now, but they don't seem to understand me. I can't get out my house either. How can i recover from this breakup and move on? Edited February 5, 2014 by shabna
Author shabna Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 Do u think i should get married to some unknown guy and settle down as my parents wish? Its very difficult for me to get over him... I just wish i should disappear somewhere
justwhoiam Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I really feel for your situation. Are you Indian? I'm trying to understand the whole background here. Anyway, are you still working for the same company? I guess so. Does this company have many offices around the world? Can you ask to be transferred again? I know it'll be hard and you'll be away from your family, but if you give in to what they decide for you, you most certainly will end up regretting it. Regretting not standing up for your own rights as a human being and as a woman. You might end up with some man you don't like or, worse, is disgusting to you, or grosses you out. Do you really feel like spending 60 years of your life with someone like that? It's too much of a big risk to me. It looks like you have an education. You are economically independent. Based on where you're from and where you could move to, I would consider being on my own for a while. See what's out there. What the world has to offer. The dating world won't be easy, especially in some Western countries, where it could be custom to have sex on a first date or expect girls to have one-night stands as if it were an ordinary thing. And I know that won't be your cup of tea. But if you stand your ground, you'll find someone to share your life with. There are nice guys out there. 2
Author shabna Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Yes i'm an Indian... Thank you very much for ur piece of advice, i really needed to hear this... yes i think its best for me to get out of my shell and start exploring the whole world. I have had enough now. I met with an accident because of my depression and broke my leg now...
Els Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Sorry to hear about that, OP. I agree with justwhoiam - it is incredibly difficult, but if you are unhappy with the culture and parental norms where you are, you need to get yourself out. There is no other way around that. Take care of yourself first; let both your heart and leg heal, and build up some savings and job experience. And then, start looking for alternatives for emigration. I can empathize. I'm not from India, but I'm from an Asian country that did not suit me for various reasons, either. I left my country at your age. It's been over 3 years now and I think it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
justwhoiam Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 because of my depression and broke my leg now... Sorry to hear that... but see? This whole situation is making you so tense, and it's not even started I guess.
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