xMetallica Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I'm just venting here some thoughts that came about just now. Figured I should share this might help someone. This is an obstacle in my life that has presented itself many times. I'm not giving a specific example or going in depth into my case rather just an observation to any general situation or scenario. Letting/allowing someone else have a significant amount of power/control over you, allowing them to affect your decisions, putting them on a pedestal, etc... Affecting your decisions: Making decisions for the wrong reasons. The outcome or end result could be that the decision was made so that it pleases the person who is allowed the control. Putting them on a pedestal - I am very guilty of this and this is a loss of self-respect. You don't value yourself. Once you make it known that a certain thing is bothering you and the other person knows and uses that against you. This could lead to being ridiculed - I've made a fool out of myself before pouring my feelings out several times to a girl that didn't care about me. It almost happened again - to a point of no return - but I didn't allow it. This is just a ramble.
wistfulgirl Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 This is an ongoing problem for me - I tend to give my power away / idolise people I fall for. To the point where my whole feelings of self worth are tied in to how they feel about me, what they say/ do etc. Have been discussing these issues in therapy for a while, and how improved but still see that weakness in myself. Suppose until we know our own worth we will always look to others to give it to us xx
SadNLonley Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 This is the only time in my entire life someone else had control over me. Its brand new to me, and its ripping me apart. I can't seem to get to the place where I hate him or even dislike him for ending things. Yes, bottom line we did break up, and yes it was him to cut ties, but in our situation (which I wont go on and on about) I still think he loves me. He is not seeing anyone else as far as i have been told, and we broke up in June. I do get that if he wanted me, he would be in contact and he hasnt. I know I need to move on, but this rejection and lack of control is killing me. I also dont really know how he did a 180 so quickly. My guess is getting scared of taking the next big step, but thats just my thoughts. Anyway, it totally sucks that he is not even in my life and he has me wrapped around his finger. If he came back today, I would hold on to him for dear life. Never feeling like this is just beyond belief. Im typically a very strong person, handle any situation that comes my way, I have mourned the loss of both my parents in the last 3 years, and yet this one man has brought me to my knees and to a place Im so afraid I will never get away from. Depression, lonliness, feeling unwanted.
flightplan Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 and yet this one man has brought me to my knees and to a place Im so afraid I will never get away from. Depression, lonliness, feeling unwanted. Let me tackle this from a different point of view. Perhaps your ex, by leaving, is showing you areas in your life you need to take a look at. Perhaps your belief system. He's not bringing you to your knees, you are. You've never relinquished control because it's just not possible. Instead you have allowed yourself to define the way you react to stressful situations. I've always called my ex's "teachers" because I've learned something from each one. I didn't like it at times but I quickly learned it's up to me to define how I rise to challenges in my life. 1
SadNLonley Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Instead you have allowed yourself to define the way you react to stressful situations. Im thinking ive never been in a stressful situation like this before all alone. Ive always had someone to help me through these situations. Dont get me wrong, I have friends and family, but not a SO. I guess I dont handle things like I thought I could. Im not as tough of a cookie as I thought.
flightplan Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Im thinking ive never been in a stressful situation like this before all alone. Ive always had someone to help me through these situations. Dont get me wrong, I have friends and family, but not a SO. I guess I dont handle things like I thought I could. Im not as tough of a cookie as I thought. Oh I think you're tougher than you give yourself credit. You'll make it through this and you'll come out the other side stronger and wiser. The whole process is forging a new you... you're growing and learning new things about yourself. A break up is a gift.. it really is.
Tryingtobegrateful Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Im typically a very strong person, handle any situation that comes my way, I have mourned the loss of both my parents in the last 3 years, and yet this one man has brought me to my knees and to a place Im so afraid I will never get away from. Depression, lonliness, feeling unwanted. I feel exactly the same. Usually I am a very strong person, I hate myself in this position. This self-hatred makes me feel even unworthy
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