Imaverage Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hi, my name is Shane i have been with my gf for 8 months, we talked everyday, i spent almost every hour of my free time with her, no only because we are both kind of clingy, but also she has SA(social anxiety),which makes her extremely emotional about being apart. we had been through so much things and i had never felt so happy with her. we promised each other so much things and i even planned things with her about the future. but things just started look ugly as the time passed by, we fought everyday over little things, either because i pissed her off or i got mad over her. there was massive amount of crying and almost-break-up situations. her SA made our situation worse. after all those dramatic events(which i dont want to waste your time to read), i totally lost the feelings for her. i just cant take it anymore, it may sounds dramatic but im really out of my limit. deep inside i want to break up, but im guilt tripped by all the promises we made to each other and what she did (she was going to Germany but she gave up for me), or she is doing(she hinted she has prepared a birthday present for me). iv been hiding my feelings from her because im scared to hurt her. i hate myself of the idea about breaking apart. i think im a terrible guy who is really irresponsible of his words and actions. lately she probably sensed something, for some reasons i havnt seen her for 2days, usually i would send mass amount of text to see if shes there, but i didnt this time. im not manly enough to tell her face to face that i dont love her anymore, sometimes i wish she just stops talking to me from now on. im also scared that i wont find another one after breaking apart. i ask myself sometimes: should i just be with her like this? or should i be the terrible guy to leaves her feeling hurt?? i can simply now start texting her and pretend nothing has happened i really feel bad for both of us, im confused of what to do, right now i just stay at home and watch movies i wanted to watch, play some video games living the most unproductive life. im also scared that i wont find another one(or another one like her) after breaking apart. PS: im sorry for the messy thing i wrote, i just threw all my thoughts on the post, i tried to fix it but i couldnt..hope all those make sense to you.
Never Again Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 The two of you have been through a lot, and you're making it worse by not communicating with her. My suggestion? First, read up on the "honeymoon period". Yours has ended, brought about by all that drama and stress. It's not that your feelings are necessarily gone, but the rose colored glasses, giddiness and enthusiasm have faded. Now you get to see the relationship for what it really is, not what you THOUGHT it was when you were blinded by your heart. Now it's time for you to decide if you like her enough to work on your problems and reignite those old feelings. You two have some massive problems, including co-dependency and horrible conflict resolution. Clinginess causes problems, and an emotional outcry at being apart is unhealthy. Constant fighting is a sign of horrible communication skills. You both need to be able to control your emotions and deal with problems civilly. It might be on your best interests to break up now. You've been dragging your feet and chose to not resolve your differences. You could still try...you'd be surprised at how an honest, emotional talk can bring things around...but you don't seem interested in that. You seem to have made up your mind to be a coward. You were too cowardly to communicate effectively and save the relationship, and you're too cowardly to end it. You're going to hurt this girl even more by tormenting her until you force her to dump you...and then you'll probably realize that you've made a mistake and we'll see posts from you trying to get her back. Do us all a favor and man up. Either talk to her and fix things or dump her. 1
David87 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I think that you can save this relationship, or atleast try. Why don't you talk to her about those problems? Don't leave her when things start to fall apart, be there for better and for worse or at least try because you will make this mistake again in the future. Man up ! ! !
OhThatGirl Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) I think that you can save this relationship, or atleast try. Why don't you talk to her about those problems? Don't leave her when things start to fall apart, be there for better and for worse or at least try because you will make this mistake again in the future. Man up ! ! ! I agree with the previous poster.. There are a LOT of unhealthy features of this relationship. She didn't go to Germany because of you? You fight often almost to the point of breaking up? You'd usually text or spend all free time together? There is some fear of being without each other all the time? OMG. I think it's best to let this relationship go. Id say you need time away from this relationship to objectively look back and see just how unhealthy things were. Then you will be better prepared for a new relationship where you can pick a partner that is less dependent on you for happiness. And actually I'd say if you went 6 months no contact and still couldn't see these major issues and figure out how to avoid or deal with them (setting boundaries, avoiding codependency) you should probably look into counseling ton help give you the insight you need. Not saying anything bad. I'm just saying what you've described is a lot of bigger issues at play that are likely to repeat unless you learn a lot from this time around. Edited February 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed disparaging remark
Ronni_W Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hey Shane. You need to get out before things get so out of hand that you find yourself in a marriage that you hate, that you never wanted. You are not responsible for her. Not her parent, caretaker, doctor, nurse, caregiver, therapist. She is not your obligation, responsibility, burden to bear. Don't make yourself a crutch because ultimately that is just enabling her and being codependent. Self-destructive and also not helpful for her own growth, healing. You are responsible to create and experience the life that YOU want that will make you happiest, most fulfilled, and will support you in achieving YOUR highest potential. This relationship is not that, does not offer you that. This one is already leading you on a path of being unproductive, feeling guilty and confused. Get out. Be kind yet firm. She needs to get help for her insecurities, negative self-worth. She needs to seek professional help and work whatever process, program she chooses, decides is best for her healing. Making adult decisions based on reason, logic and that are best for the self's own progress, growth, happiness, spiritual upliftment is not necessarily easy...but you do deserve to make those self-decisions, you are worthy and deserving. Trust your own self, your feelings, your gut instincts, your intuition. Best of luck.
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