ithappenedagain Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hi everyone - as a preface, I might suggest reading my first post I made on this site. (Sorry cant link it now, but I will edit this post later) Rundown: BU: 3 weeks agao NC: 15 days Moved out and into my own place in these 3 weeks.. I am in desperate need of some hardcore advice here... I actually haven't even talked to my family about the news I am about to tell you.. I wanted to reach out to you guys first, to get your initial thoughts/opinions before I speak with my other support system (family and close friend)... I will also try to keep this as short as possible.. Today, at work, I recieve a google chat message from our mutual friend (the same chick that has played on our softball team the last 2 years - read my old posts...) For those that don't know her, she is a really sweet person and we (ex and I) really only hung out with her when we were playing softball. We also took a couple ski trips together as couples (with her and her bf)... Outside of that, we really didnt hang out all of the time as couples.. We start chatting about normal stuff. How was your weekend, how did the move go, superbowl, etc. etc. When all of a sudden she drops a bomb.. She says 'can I ask you a question?'.. 'Of course'.. 'Would you ever reconsider the idea of you and 'x' going to see a relationship therapist.. I will save you all of the details, but long story short, she told me that she has been talking to 'x' a lot lately. This surprised me... She said that 'x' has been talking about our relationship a lot to her the past couple days.. Keep in mind our mutual friend LOVES us as a couple.. She (our friend) told 'x' that the reason she keeps talking about stuff lately is because she still thinks that our relationship has legs to it... And she doenst want 'x' to give up on something that she knows could be the biggest mistake of her life... Our friend also told me that she gets the feeling that we both want eachother back in our lives, but are too stubborn to take initiative to make things work. Keep in mind the therapist idea was something that our friend suggested NOT 'x' but 'x' is fully on board with us going to a few sessions with the understanding that we are still broken up - but are going to a relationship therapist for a purpose (because we both want to address the issues that caused us to get to this point and possibly start a new begining together with a clear mind on things) I instantly went into defense mode. I was concerned that this could be her way of dealing with the guilt or something.. I told our friend that the last thing I want to do is get my hopes up only to have my heart crushed again... She told me that if I really loved her, and really wanted to 'move mountains' for her than this would be in my favor. She said that she thinks that we should see somebody once a week or once every 2 weeks - and continue not seeing eachother during those off days. She thinks that if this relationship is going to work, we need to do it the right way, and not just jump back into it. Take things slowly so to speak... She makes a good point. I do think that going to a specialist wouldnt be a bad idea, but the fact that I SUGGESTED this to her the day she broke up with me - and she said she would consider it - and then later that night told me that she changed her mind scares me... I am so confused. I dont know what to do now. Obviously I REALLY want to do this so I could at least say I we tried EVERYTHING but at the same time I dont want her to go to these sessions, not change her mind, and walk away with that same mindset "well at I tried everything"...As a way to rid her guilt...Do you know what I am saying? THERE IS A LOT MORE TO THIS THAT I CAN TELL, BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU THE JIST OF IT FIRST.. HELP ME LS. HELP ME!
pickflicker Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Your ex's friend, or your friend, or whoever she is is a meddling so-and-so. You don't have to move mountains, your ex does. Maintain NC.
Chi townD Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 "Well last night, as I was laying in bed at my sisters house, she dropped the bomb on me. She sent me a very long message of facebook stating that she no longer wanted to give counseling a chance, and that her heart was set in stone. She apologized for leading me on, and finally admitted that she was part of the problem too. She basically told me that there was NOTHING i could do to win her over. I was crushed. Devastated. Depressed. - but I was also mad. Not only 6 hours prior she was smiling, cuddling with me, we were giving each other small kisses, etc.. On top of her agreeing to therapy... I instantly deleted her from facebook. I was hurt. I knew that that was step #1. Removing her from social media. It was a snap decision, and 2 mins later she noticed, and told me that she would be deleting friends of mine so she could start the healing process. She then told me to go ahead and block her also... " This is a quote from your original thread. This is what she told you. This is what she meant and how she felt. Plus, When you two were fighting, she stated that she was going out with friends and she wasn't coming home. Dude, she hooked up with someone that night. Don't kid yourself. And if she didn't hook up, she definitely did some inappropriate things that night. Time to move on dude. She had her chance and her choice....wasn't you. You're right! Why subjugate yourself to more pain. To fill up with false hope. To start dating her again only to be dumped again in two months. Dude, there are millions of girls in the world. You don't have to re-date one that threw you to the curb and had no problem doing it.
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 First off, thank you both for the replies. Secondly. It has happened again. She has once again told our mutual friend that she 'changed her mind, and is no longer wanting to talk to someone together'.. This is what she told her: " I would hate to hurt him by changing my mind, but it would hurt him more for me to have him waste money and time to say the same thing in the end. yes I love him and miss him but maybe a year from now down the line if we cross paths again but I have been doing everything to please everyone else but me and I just don't know. I am trying to think of what is for my best interest too" SETBACK. MAJOR SETBACK. AND I WASNT EVEN SURE IF I WANTED TO DO COUNSELING TOGETHER! KEEP YOUR GUARD UP PEOPLE.
pickflicker Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Will you stop talking to that mutual friend?! 2
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