TheyCallMeOx Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 That feeling goes away with time. Make it through day by day, and you'll eventually learn to not let your nights get so affected. It gets better. Keep pushing forward, though. Progress doesn't happen on its own.
Author Gemini x Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 It's been 7 days of NC and for whatever reason today REALLY blows. I'm wanting to break NC so bad by sending an email/text even though I know better. I'm not going to but the desire is eating at me. I've been doing okay but today I'm having a hard time. He's the only thing I can think of since the moment I woke up. A few days ago I woke up not giving a $h!t, felt a little indifferent and thought I was going to be okay. Today, I feel like throwing in the towel. :'(
iPhone Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Yes that's how it works. A lot of times you'll see someone make a post here declaring how it gets better and things are great now (after like a few weeks lol). In reality, it's a rollercoaster. Some days are great, others are not. I suspect it's related to the dreams you have the night before, even if you don't remember them. Keep marching on, today is a hard day, tomorrow may be an easier one. The way it works is the amount of "easier" days gets greater than the dark ones, until the dark ones are the minority, then about non-existent. You learn to be okay. You learn to be happy. It's VITAL that you do not repress your feelings. Admit to yourself during the pain that it is painful. Admit during anger you are angry -- and when you feel betrayed, articulate it to yourself. You have to work through emotions to heal. This is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. To be happy again you have to be sad now to heal. 2
Author Gemini x Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 This is so hard today. Sunday was the day we both slept in, woke up around noon, showered together and then spent our day doing something fun as a couple. It was the one day we both had to ourselves that we spent "together". God can we please remove Sunday from the week :'(
realfriends Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Its probably going to be like that for awhile. It didn't get any easier for me until around the 30-45 days mark. You have to tough it out. I know how hard it is, a I have broken NC before and sent her emails. The 1 day relief is followed with a week full of guilt and shame. Its not worth it. Stay strong. 1
Author Gemini x Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 The crappy thing is when my ex disappeared on me it was 25 days of NC before he broke it by speaking to me directly. Within that 25 days he posted things aimed at me on facebook to get my attention but I held strong and ignored him seeing as how he'd up and vanished. When he first disappeared it was easy to go NC for 25 days. I just figured he was pulling this bull$h!t again like he had in the past. I went on with my life assuming he'd come back and all would be all. Now that I know it's over and he hasn't made any attempt to reach out, blamed me by saying I broke up with him, it's really hard to accept. I now know that it's over and his disappearing was his way of ending our relationship. I wish that when this happened that I'd blocked/deleted everything within those 25 days instead of holding onto hope he'd come back. I made *that* mistake. I kept thinking, while being NC for 25 days, that he'd get his space and come back after a long breather like everything was fine. That wasn't the case. Our relationship is over now and he's never coming back.
SCJACK Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Yes that's how it works. A lot of times you'll see someone make a post here declaring how it gets better and things are great now (after like a few weeks lol). In reality, it's a rollercoaster. Some days are great, others are not. I suspect it's related to the dreams you have the night before, even if you don't remember them. Keep marching on, today is a hard day, tomorrow may be an easier one. The way it works is the amount of "easier" days gets greater than the dark ones, until the dark ones are the minority, then about non-existent. You learn to be okay. You learn to be happy. It's VITAL that you do not repress your feelings. Admit to yourself during the pain that it is painful. Admit during anger you are angry -- and when you feel betrayed, articulate it to yourself. You have to work through emotions to heal. This is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. To be happy again you have to be sad now to heal. Well that sure helps me feel a bit better.. my dad see's me being all moppy at home.. and i'm definitely trying to stay positive. But he just expects me to move on and be happy and have a constant linear graph going positive... when in reality at least for my emotions I have ups and downs.. but gradually going up.. he expects me to be happy because it's a choice.. which it is but it's incredibly hard to just be happy right after something just happened... he doesn't understand that.. and gets mad at me for it.. which makes me feel even more like crap.
reddragon588 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 just like everything else in life, you will have your ups and downs. Right now you're on a down. But don't dig yourself deeper down- hold strong to NC and you'll be back up in no time. 1
thatmomentwhenu Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Keep up with that No Contact. My ex and I broke up once last year from January - May. We contacted each other from time to time and things were crap. We ended up getting back together and tried to work things out, but we were trying to revive something that had already died. I ended up recognizing this back in November and ended things with her, although it was fairly mutual. I have been No Contact AT ALL for three months. Then, I get an email on Valentines day saying she's really struggling but hopes I'm doing well. That set me back. I am still set back by it, because now I find myself overanalyzing something that was leaving my mind slowly but surely. Stick to No Contact. It's for you. What helped me was to go onto youtube and watch motivational videos. I'll link one that might relate and help you out. If it's not your thing, no worries, find something else that works for you. 1
Author Gemini x Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Thanks for the replies. It's hard for me to move on because there was really no closure, he just disappeared. Showed back up weeks later saying I broke up with him and how I didn't talk to him for the weeks he was gone. He's left me feeling guilty like it's MY fault we ended, when it was clearly his way of ending it. I've been feeling sorry for my mistakes and thinking I didn't treat him right, and that's why he left me. And I know that's TOTAL bull$h!t. His a$$ won't find better. It's just hard to have someone in your life everyday for over 3 years and then BAM!!.. they're gone, just like that. I woke up really emotional but am feeling a little better at the moment. I had a nice cry. I've done everything I can as far as going NC but controlling my thoughts/feelings is the toughy. I still think about him pretty much all day, everyday. We were together so long that I see him in everything I do and everywhere I go. I haven't contacted him today and the urge to do so has subsided a little.
pickflicker Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 You're going to feel worse if you break it. Right now, you're weaning off an addiction. The brief contact will give you a high, but it will just cause another crash. This is the hard part. NC works, but it absolutely kicks your butt and your emotions all over the place. You're allowed to fall apart, but the image you're projecting to your ex is one of banal indifference, by remaining silent. Cry, scream, write angry letters - just don't contact him. 2
Annie767 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Yeah ups and downs are a definite. Grief is a cycle - you go back and forth. But that's what these people do, blame it all on you! He isn't going to come back like you said so take that as final. Do you want to get back on that roller coaster? Like you said it's the fact Sundays used to be filled with him......there's a vacuum there, so you need to be good to yourself and fill it with something. Today I felt the same and felt angry that he'd be swanning about with his new psycho girlfriend now it's all new, whilst I woke up alone. But I picked up my cousin and we went to the cinema. He hated the cinema. So I took the empty space he left and filled it with something else. Today started crap and turned out good 2
Sugarkane Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Yeah ups and downs are a definite. Grief is a cycle - you go back and forth. But that's what these people do, blame it all on you! He isn't going to come back like you said so take that as final. Do you want to get back on that roller coaster? Like you said it's the fact Sundays used to be filled with him......there's a vacuum there, so you need to be good to yourself and fill it with something. Today I felt the same and felt angry that he'd be swanning about with his new psycho girlfriend now it's all new, whilst I woke up alone. But I picked up my cousin and we went to the cinema. He hated the cinema. So I took the empty space he left and filled it with something else. Today started crap and turned out good . WTF? Hated The cinema? Who hates the cinema?! 1
Annie767 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I know! Haha. Unless it was something he wanted to watch maybe, but anything I did.....was a no go apart from in the beginning. but as time goes on I'm seeing more clearly that I did a lot of things he wanted to do, whereas the other way round I was completely neglected. More fool me! What the hell was I thinking?!
Author Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 Another rough day. I'm 8 days NC. It seems like it's getting worse rather than better. I had a dream about him this morning so maybe that's why I'm so emotional today. I haven't broken NC but I'm dying to do so. This is sooooo f*cking hard.
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Another rough day. I'm 8 days NC. It seems like it's getting worse rather than better. I had a dream about him this morning so maybe that's why I'm so emotional today. I haven't broken NC but I'm dying to do so. This is sooooo f*cking hard. Don't do it. You have to push through.
Author Gemini x Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) My 36 year old, ex-douchebag, of over 3 years left me by pulling the disappearing act, as all of you know. When he came back he said I broke up with him because I didn't chase him while he was gone. He wanted to feel no guilt, whatever. Anyway, I'm just madder than hell right now. I feel so stupid to have spent that much of my life on someone who I really thought loved me. I know he did at one time but instead of working on things, he ran away like a little pu$$y. I'm absolutely livid. I go and look on his facebook (haven't alot so thought I'd take a peek) and he seems to be doing just fine and goddamn dandy. Nothing about another woman, there wasn't even anything really said.. it's just the fact that he's acting as if nothing ever happened. He's adding friends and posting. Doing all the same stuff he did when we were together. I guess I'm just emotional and taking it as he's doing so wonderful. How the hell can people do that to someone they know truly loved them and had sacrificed SO much? I was *always* there for him when no one else was. I was loyal and completely in love with this person and he just up and left me with my heart lying on the fkn ground. When will he get his? When will he go through the pain he's put me through?? And I don't mean the pain from looking at his fb. I'm aware that was my doing. I mean the actual pain of him leaving me with no words spoken. Him walking away and not looking back. And pickflicker, before you say it, I caved. lol. Haven't contacted him but did take a look. =/ Edited February 18, 2014 by Gemini x
David87 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 You invested much more in the relationship than he did. Try to move on and don't look back. Keep NC, block him on FB that will help you stop checking on him.
pickflicker Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) It's your healing process, not mine. You'll get it eventually. I'm always right. Edited February 18, 2014 by pickflicker
Author Gemini x Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Most of you know my story. I'm post BU around 5 weeks. I haven't heard from my ex in 11 days. I haven't contacted him in 9. Over the last couple of days I've taken a peek at his facebook page. I've fought all urges of breaking NC by texting/messaging him and doing good with that. But I've peeked at his facebook looking for "something". Maybe a picture of another girl? His removing my photos? Something that gives me some real in my face closure and lets me see that he's actually NEVER coming back. It's hard to explain my thinking/feelings at the moment. Anyway, how do I let go of him? The hope? How can I make myself realize it's really over because clearly I haven't reached the stage of acceptance yet. I'm in denial/anger and thinking he'll come around once he takes enough time away (which he'd done in the past but never this long). He even told me not long before we broke up that if we did, he'd wait around for 4-5 months and if I was already seeing someone he'd say f*ck it. I feel stuck in limbo even though we aren't on speaking terms. If I saw another girl that'd be the closure I need. It'd hurt but I'd finally know it was over and done. I feel like the lack of in my face, hardcore, proof is keeping me from moving on. Anyone else went through this?
mantlefan Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Most of you know my story. I'm post BU around 5 weeks. I haven't heard from my ex in 11 days. I haven't contacted him in 9. Over the last couple of days I've taken a peek at his facebook page. I've fought all urges of breaking NC by texting/messaging him and doing good with that. But I've peeked at his facebook looking for "something". Maybe a picture of another girl? His removing my photos? Something that gives me some real in my face closure and lets me see that he's actually NEVER coming back. It's hard to explain my thinking/feelings at the moment. Anyway, how do I let go of him? The hope? How can I make myself realize it's really over because clearly I haven't reached the stage of acceptance yet. I'm in denial/anger and thinking he'll come around once he takes enough time away (which he'd done in the past but never this long). He even told me not long before we broke up that if we did, he'd wait around for 4-5 months and if I was already seeing someone he'd say f*ck it. I feel stuck in limbo even though we aren't on speaking terms. If I saw another girl that'd be the closure I need. It'd hurt but I'd finally know it was over and done. I feel like the lack of in my face, hardcore, proof is keeping me from moving on. Anyone else went through this? I wouldn't put hope in anything specific to be the closure you need. I have learned that reality is more complicated that that.
tlegend Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Most of you know my story. I'm post BU around 5 weeks. I haven't heard from my ex in 11 days. I haven't contacted him in 9. Over the last couple of days I've taken a peek at his facebook page. I've fought all urges of breaking NC by texting/messaging him and doing good with that. But I've peeked at his facebook looking for "something". Maybe a picture of another girl? His removing my photos? Something that gives me some real in my face closure and lets me see that he's actually NEVER coming back. It's hard to explain my thinking/feelings at the moment. Anyway, how do I let go of him? The hope? How can I make myself realize it's really over because clearly I haven't reached the stage of acceptance yet. I'm in denial/anger and thinking he'll come around once he takes enough time away (which he'd done in the past but never this long). He even told me not long before we broke up that if we did, he'd wait around for 4-5 months and if I was already seeing someone he'd say f*ck it. I feel stuck in limbo even though we aren't on speaking terms. If I saw another girl that'd be the closure I need. It'd hurt but I'd finally know it was over and done. I feel like the lack of in my face, hardcore, proof is keeping me from moving on. Anyone else went through this? The sooner you look forward to acceptance...the sooner you will get there. My quote of the day was this: "“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?” ― Mary Manin Morrissey" Please understand, I do not believe in coincidences. Things happen for a reason!
Musing Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Nearly 50 days without speaking to my ex. We cut off communication immediately after he left the night we broke up. It was a struggle and still sometimes is. But self reflection helped me move on and still is. Understanding why it wasn't a perfect relationship, why he isn't the guy I am meant to be with, how I'll be moving on in life, what I can do to improve myself and what qualities in men I look for after this has all happened. I still have moments of hoping he'll reach out some day. But the idea that he won't doesn't scare me or hurt me half as much as it use to.
lvroflife Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 First you have to stop looking to him for closure. You won't get closure and if you do 7/10 times it won't be the truth. So the closure for you is. "Its over". I am not trying to sound harsh b/c just like all on here I am going thru a BU. It sucks and hurts. The NC is tough and will be tough for the first few days to few weeks. As hard as it is you have to stop checking his FB. A tool that is helping me is constant reading of how to let go and move on. Various articles and writing. Also look in the mirror daily and say words of affirmations to yourself. And say them with a smile. Also when you walk around walk tall and straight and just smile. And lean on your support system.
changedlife Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I wish I could tell you. I'm learning to accept it now and it hurts. It seemed like it would never come to this. All I can say is that right now I am expecting the worst and trying to prepare for that but still hoping for the best. I have to learn how to get rid of that hope of her returning soon. I feel like I lost "the one". I'm sorry that I am no help with my words. I guess all I am saying is that I understand.
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