DrSanDiego Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I was madly in love with my ex. We were only together for 5 months but it was great. As all great things, this one had an ending. I'm broken hearted but got a shot to the guts when I friend of mine told me he saw her on a sugar baby dating site. Her profile states she wants an allowance for giving out sex. She is close to a perfect 10 and has never had a problem dating. What makes a woman want to become a prostitute?? She makes a nice salary, $90,000 a year in her job as a controller for an HVAC company. The thought of her selling her body for cash makes me literally ill. How do you get over something like this?
bubbaganoosh Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Doesn't matter just as long as you don't have to bother with her any longer. Maybe she likes money and 90 grand isn't 150 grand so she's degrading herself for a few more dollars. Consider yourself lucky and she ain't a 10 friend. More like a zero. 2
Author DrSanDiego Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) It's hard to get over a relationship like ours. You are right....being a real life prostitute is no way to be a 10. I was just talking about physical attributes. I guess I should consider myself lucky. It's just so damn painful. My friend forwarded me her ad.....I am just sick, plain sick to my stomach. Edited February 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
Chi townD Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 You might think that she's selling herself as a high end prostitute, but the fact is, she is a woman with absolutely no self respect. Hell, if it was me, I would find her on the website and forward the link to her folks... Sorry, feeling vindictive tonight... 2
Omei Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Just do not forward it to anyone else, she is an adult who makes her own choices good or bad. 3
StyleOnEm Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I would question my friend why he was even on that website to begin with 2
Trimmer Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I would question my friend why he was even on that website to begin with Ha, indeed! Probably "doing research..." What makes a woman want to become a prostitute?? She makes a nice salary, $90,000 a year in her job as a controller for an HVAC company. The thought of her selling her body for cash makes me literally ill. How do you get over something like this? You eventually realize that it's about her and not you. She owns her life and her choices. I'm not saying that to justify them, I'm just saying that you are no longer a part of her life, nor do you carry her burdens. If anything, you move on knowing that you dodged a bullet, with someone that you clearly would not have been in sync with, long term, right? 2
Author DrSanDiego Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 You are right, Long term I can't be with a woman who wants to sell her body for money. I just don't understand how somebody does that. What hits your self esteem so low that you have to become an escort? I'm glad I'm not carrying that burden. I worry for her son who is 13 and will eventually find out what Mom does for a living. I guess I should not worry and just move on being thankful it is not my child.
oracle Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I have never known sex to be free. There is always a cost. (And im not just talking money) Keep it to yourself.. its not your life, don't complicate hers more than it already is. 3
Author DrSanDiego Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Good advice, thanks. It's just so painful to see somebody you once loved slip into a life that has no happy ending.
tlegend Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Good advice, thanks. It's just so painful to see somebody you once loved slip into a life that has no happy ending. Happy is a perspective, and the best thing about your perspective is that you can change it!
Inviv_girl Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Maybe she doing that before even met you and you never know about that?? Anyway it's her choice of life, she is your ex- so she is stranger to you now and whatever she do is none of your business.
Author DrSanDiego Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Saw my ex out tonight with a new customer.....God it made me sick to my stomach. I was at a place I didn't think she would be as we never went there....well as I'm at the bar here she comes in with a guy twice her age. My stomach sank. I really don't know how to get over this.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 How long ago did you two break up? Even a 5 month relationship can take some time to grieve the loss, especially since you really were in love with her and invested a lot into her. Keep avoiding her. I know it was a total fluke seeing her at that restaurant.
Radu Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 How much of a bastard would i be if in this situation, i'd save all the data, contact her with obvious request for sex from her [and save that too], only to send the info to her folks and place of business ? Sorry, i just had a trip down memory lane thinking of one of my ex's, and a revenge fantasy came over me.
Downtown Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 What makes a woman want to become a prostitute??DrSD, how did your 5 month relationship end? Did she become verbally abusive or suddenly lose interest in you, as though she had flipped a switch in her mind? I ask because prostitution appears to be strongly associated with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Dr. Layden (Dept. of Psychiatry, Univ. of Penn.) states that most women working in the sex industry are survivors of childhood sexual abuse and that 55% of prostitutes suffer from full-blown BPD. See If pornography made us healthy, we would be healthy by now :: Catholic News Agency. 1
Author DrSanDiego Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 We were together for 6 months. It was totally a light switch move....everything was great, the next time I went to her house she handed me all of my stuff and told me to leave. I've since found out that she did porn in the past. This was the most messed up break up I've ever had. Just makes my mind spin.
Downtown Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 We were together for 6 months. It was totally a light switch move....everything was great, the next time I went to her house she handed me all of my stuff and told me to leave.If she has strong BPD traits, DrSD, the rapid flip from adoring you to devaluing you is not unexpected. During the courtship period, a BPDer's two great fears -- abandonment and engulfment -- are held at bay by her infatuation, which convinces her that you are the perfect man who poses no threat. Yet, as soon as that infatuation evaporates (typically after 4 to 6 months), her fears return and she starts getting a very distorted perception of your intentions and motivations. If you would like to read more about what it's like to date a BPDer, I suggest you see my posts in Rebel's thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/275289-crazy-i-think-but-i-love-her-anyway#post3398735. It that description rings some bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you.
2sunny Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Saw my ex out tonight with a new customer.....God it made me sick to my stomach. I was at a place I didn't think she would be as we never went there....well as I'm at the bar here she comes in with a guy twice her age. My stomach sank. I really don't know how to get over this. Email her profile to her and tell her now things make sense. Tell her the truth - that it sickens you to understand this is who she is.
bubbaganoosh Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Saw my ex out tonight with a new customer.....God it made me sick to my stomach. I was at a place I didn't think she would be as we never went there....well as I'm at the bar here she comes in with a guy twice her age. My stomach sank. I really don't know how to get over this. You should have walked over to them and said to her, "Glad to see that big sore on you lip cleared up. See what a antibiotic shot can do?"
Trimmer Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) You should have walked over to them and said to her, "Glad to see that big sore on you lip cleared up. See what a antibiotic shot can do?" I'm having an odd reaction to this thread (and I'm not just singling you out, bubbaganoosh, it's more the texture and attitude of a number of these later posts...) This is probably going to come off as being a real contrarian post, and I feel somewhat conflicted about it myself, so you can come back and beat me up if you want (and I'll listen!), but here goes. I hope it will actually be a discussion, but I'm also a pragmatist... I'm questioning the kind of vicious, revenge attitude that's in some of the posts here, and I'm considering what might be behind them. The antibiotic line; finding her online profile and stuffing it back in her face; outing her to her family and place of business. Believe me, I can understand the impulse (especially if this story of being dumped triggers memories in us individually) but in the bigger picture this has a weird feel to me, and I question the philosophy that a woman who owns and controls and uses her sexuality is either mentally ill, or else a dirty, filthy thing to be attacked. (<-- that was my thesis statement right there, incidentally...) So first, yes, obviously it SUCKS that the OP got dumped, and it was quick and apparently emotionless, and that had to be hard. But of anyone here, he's the one pretty much taking the attitude, "I'm sad, and it's sad to see someone you loved doing something I can't agree with or understand." I get that, totally, and I empathize with your pain, man. But many other posters are reacting to this with such vicious revenge attitudes, and I can't help think it's less about the dumping, and more about a fear of a woman who is inherently in complete control of her sexuality, and that scares the hell out of men, and we respond to that with anger. But in another way of looking at it, didn't she just do what we are always asking of our partners: "If you're gonna go f**k someone else, at least leave this relationship first..." Maybe she is conflicted, maybe she has a past, maybe she is a shrewd entrepreneur and just wanted to make some quick money with the resources she has available, but at least she did things in the right order, yes? And the possible-BPD approach... Ah yes, a woman who controls her sexuality is either dirty and wrong, or else obviously CRAZY; that's the only other explanation. Although I have to say, if she's got a mental deficit, then why the revenge fantasies? Just revenge and no sympathy for someone who is carrying such a burden? Indeed, I have to credit the OP, who was one of the few who seemed to have some sympathy for that - "it's sad to see someone you cared for..." I guess for everyone else, maybe she's just dirty AND crazy. And no, I wouldn't want to see anyone I know feeling like they had to do that, and I would be greatly conflicted about someone who wanted to do that, and I would hate it if it were my own daughter, etc. etc. etc... But there's this fear we have of women who truly own and control their sexuality. Men who do that for themselves are ♪players♫, right? We pretend that's an insult, but secretly we're throwing out high-fives in our heads. But a woman who does the same thing is a slut, or a whore, and there's nothing admirable behind that, is there? I know I've picked a really hard-to-defend example to make this case, but that kinda makes it interesting, don't you think? And I think I'm taking issue with it here, because this is such an "obvious" case, that it seems safe for us to stand around and beat on her - to exorcise our fears and anger and prejudice about a woman's sexuality, onto a person that nobody is likely to stand up and defend. Easy target. She left the OP - that sucks - and she's doing something that the OP and most of the rest of us don't agree with, but can't we argue that she could just be in command and control of her life and her sexuality in a way that most of us don't know how to handle? I understand all that, but why the hostility - why do we want to embarrass her in public, humiliate her before her friends and family, out her at her job? Where is that impulse really coming from? OK, let the beatings begin... Edited February 9, 2014 by Trimmer spelling 2
Downtown Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) And the possible-BPD approach... Ah yes, a woman who controls her sexuality is either dirty and wrong, or else obviously CRAZY.Trimmer, you are confused. NONE of us is complaining about a woman "who controls her sexuality." Rather, we are discussing a woman said to be leaving her 13 year old son at home to go out prostituting herself. I question the philosophy that a woman who owns and controls and uses her sexuality is either mentally ill....NONE of us on this thread has concluded that the exGF is mentally ill. Only a professional can make such a determination. I simply observed that, if the empirical studies of prostitutes are correct, she is at great risk of having BPD. And I provided a link to a psychiatrist discussing the results of such a study, which found 55% of female prostitutes to suffer from BPD due to sexual abuse in childhood. At least she did things in the right order, yes?I doubt her 13 year old son would agree with you. If she's got a mental deficit, then why the revenge fantasies? Just revenge and no sympathy for someone who is carrying such a burden?The folks advocating revenge -- a small group that does not include me -- have mentioned nothing about the possibility of a mental disorder. They therefore are not being inconsistent, as you suggest. Indeed, I have to credit the OP, who was one of the few who seemed to have some sympathy for that ... I guess for everyone else, maybe she's just dirty AND crazy.Whoa, Trimmer!!! You forget that InvivGirl says "whatever she does is none of your business" and Oracle says "Keep it to yourself...its not your life...." Moreover, RedDragon, Still-I-Rise, and OtherSully agree with Oracle. Further, neither of my posts advocate revenge of any sort. Nor did I say she might be "crazy." People suffering from BPD are not crazy, which would require them to lose touch with physical reality. BPDers generally see physical reality just fine. What is distorted is their perception of other peoples' intentions and motivations.Men who do that for themselves are ♪players♫, right?No, men who do what the exGF is said to be doing are called "prostitutes" and "gigolos." Edited February 9, 2014 by Downtown 3
Author DrSanDiego Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 She may be a little bit crazy or have BPD. When we were dating I let her have access to my facebook account. She went on there and announced to the world that we were engaged.....but we weren't. You can imagine all of the phone calls I got from my medical colleagues and family asking me how I got engaged so quickly. She is for sure in charge of her sexuality. She knows how to make money using her body. I really just feel for her son whom I grew to care for. I can't imagine how he is going to react when one day he does a google search and sees his mom doing porn online. I found this little nugget of information out after the breakup. I still don't understand how I missed that part of her life. I wish I could say she is somebody else's problem. At this point I think she is multiple men's problems. My heart still aches and my mind is confused. I"m sure one day I'll be over this and be happy I dodged a bullet. Right now if feels as if the bullet pierced my heart.
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