Lola2609 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hi guys, I am so tired of trying to figure out the things. Here is my situation and I hope you can give me your opinion. I have been seeing this guy for six months. In the beginning, it was casual, just going out for drinks, texting each other every day... Then, I fell for him... We had a lot of problems and fights and it took both of us a lot of patience, energy and desire to overcome those. Honestly, If it was any other guy, I would give up long time ago. (Let me say that most of our problems come from not being open enough with each other when it comes to emotions). I am not sure what he wants and he thinks he is the only one putting some effort in our "relationship". And we have never really talked about "us". Two months ago, I felt we became stronger. We started seeing each other more often, things were going great and I was so happy. But then, we had few misunderstandings, I reacted way too immature and too strong (like I would leave his house in the middle of the night because I felt I wasn't getting enough attention and i actually did this few times in two weeks). Finally, after I left one more time, he said he had enough, he was out of his limits and that was it. I tried to speak to him, he agreed to meet me, we had a drink but he didn't change his mind and he even said "he has a lot of issues and can't be in a relationship but we can still go out, have drinks, talk . I decided not to contact him anymore. Well, he started texting me after a week until yesterday when he asked to meet me and offered to help me with fixing my car. I said I was busy and he said he would then try some other day. What does he want from me? He was a great boyfriend (again we never talked about making it official), very attentive to my needs, very patient with me. What do I do? Meet him? Tell him I don't want to be friends? Thanks for reading. I appreciate your opinion.
ja123 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Yes. Meet him. Tell him that you don't want to be just friends.
Author Lola2609 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Yes. Meet him. Tell him that you don't want to be just friends. I might. Thanks.
SmartDude Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Honestly, If it was any other guy, I would give up long time ago. (Let me say that most of our problems come from not being open enough with each other when it comes to emotions). This may be one of the reasons you are attracted to each other. It will also be the very thing that causes problems to bubble up to the surface. It takes courage to face these emotions. It is possible that you are attempting to heal each others trauma on a subconscious level. But then, we had few misunderstandings, I reacted way too immature and too strong (like I would leave his house in the middle of the night because I felt I wasn't getting enough attention and i actually did this few times in two weeks). Did you tell him you felt he was not paying attention to you? Did you want attention at a time when he may have been feeling vulnerable? It is possible you had wanted to be open with him on an emotional level, while at that exact moment, He was feeling fear and the impulse to close up.
Author Lola2609 Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 This may be one of the reasons you are attracted to each other. It will also be the very thing that causes problems to bubble up to the surface. It takes courage to face these emotions. It is possible that you are attempting to heal each others trauma on a subconscious level. Did you tell him you felt he was not paying attention to you? Did you want attention at a time when he may have been feeling vulnerable? It is possible you had wanted to be open with him on an emotional level, while at that exact moment, He was feeling fear and the impulse to close up. Thanks for your reply. It is interesting one. Well, it is possible that I wanted attention at really bad time. Once, for example, it was right after he saw some of my texts and was jealous (no reason for jealousy, though). To give you another example, he asked me if I wanted to come with him to bed or to stay on the couch. I said I wanted to stay and when he ACTUALLY left me there, I got upset. (Now, thinking about it, I see that he could also get hurt by my response. Hopefully, you understand why we have all those problems and how not being open enough results in insecurity and problems.
DL2mer Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 If going to have a relationship with this guy I would stop playing mind games. The two of you should talk about this. You both need to come to a understanding that honesty and straight forwardness is the only way this is going to work. If your not willing to do that then I would move on. 1
Author Lola2609 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 If going to have a relationship with this guy I would stop playing mind games. The two of you should talk about this. You both need to come to a understanding that honesty and straight forwardness is the only way this is going to work. If your not willing to do that then I would move on. You are right. What bothers me most is his saying I can't be in a relationship. Just to give you some updates. In meantime, I told him I can't see him and need some time to think about everything. He kind of got more persistent with texting And trying to see me. Agh 1
HappyLove Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Well if you want the truth here goes... You seem VERY immature and high maintenance. He offered you to come to bed you stay on the couch and THATS an argument? I think you had it too good and took him for granted. You say a lot of nice things about him, why are you storming out if his house? From what you've said you seem like a drama queen and there's only so much even a pushover can take. Sounds like you owe HIM an apology and you need to take a chill pill. He gave you the BS it's not you it's me story because he's lost interest. Can't really blame him. If he's eager to meet you then maybe there's a slim chance you can salvage this. But instead of figuring "things" out you need to figure yourself out and why you behaved like a brat. Seriously, storming out of the house VERY disrespectful you're lucky he ever allowed you back. Then you had the nerve to do it several times! I'd meet him and apologize. Hopefully he's not just back for the sex. 1
Author Lola2609 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Well if you want the truth here goes... You seem VERY immature and high maintenance. He offered you to come to bed you stay on the couch and THATS an argument? I think you had it too good and took him for granted. You say a lot of nice things about him, why are you storming out if his house? From what you've said you seem like a drama queen and there's only so much even a pushover can take. Sounds like you owe HIM an apology and you need to take a chill pill. He gave you the BS it's not you it's me story because he's lost interest. Can't really blame him. If he's eager to meet you then maybe there's a slim chance you can salvage this. But instead of figuring "things" out you need to figure yourself out and why you behaved like a brat. Seriously, storming out of the house VERY disrespectful you're lucky he ever allowed you back. Then you had the nerve to do it several times! I'd meet him and apologize. Hopefully he's not just back for the sex. There is a lot of truth in your reply, thanks . The reason I stormed out of the house is that I feel insecure when it comes to him. He is very attentive, patient and nice with me but He can sometimes be cold and I just don't know why. For example, we would go out, come back to his place, watch TV, and then go to bed (no kissing no sex). I would be like wtf? But never really mentioned that to him.
HappyLove Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 There is a lot of truth in your reply, thanks . The reason I stormed out of the house is that I feel insecure when it comes to him. He is very attentive, patient and nice with me but He can sometimes be cold and I just don't know why. For example, we would go out, come back to his place, watch TV, and then go to bed (no kissing no sex). I would be like wtf? But never really mentioned that to him. Glad you took it the way it was meant. Just trying to be honest here. Maybe you need to step back and figure out if you two are a good fit to begin with. Seems like there was even drama in the beginning, maybe you're forcing things to work. Good luck.
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