How can someone disappear after a few months of dating without a word?

February 5, 2014

I just don't understand how a guy can just disappear without a word! Things seemed to be going so well, we were talking nearly every day for 3 months and then suddenly he just changes his mind!

It doesn't hurt so much that he changed his mind about me... but more that he didn't respect me enough that he didn't think he needed to explain anything to me. Fair enough if you go on a date with someone once or twice, then disappear.. you don't owe anyone anything.

But if you've been talking to someone every day for 3 months, you open up to eachother, you are intimate, you have sex.....it just baffles me completely how someone can do that?! Is that what I deserve?

Sorry, I'm just venting here.. but I really liked this guy, he had so much promise, and I am fed up of being let down all the time by guys..

February 5, 2014

It's easier to ignore your issues than confront them (that's the answer to your question).

As for the rest, try not to worry about it. It says a lot more about him, than it does about you.

February 5, 2014

It's really hard to hurt people,yes ignoring them hurts,but confronting therm and dealing with the backlash or listing the reasons they are no longer desirable who wants to tell that to someone? Sometimes people think it's better to drift off like probably he thought.

It would be nice if he could have been open and discussed the change of heart but sometimes you don't even know the reason why.

I just don't understand how a guy can just disappear without a word! Things seemed to be going so well, we were talking nearly every day for 3 months and then suddenly he just changes his mind!

It doesn't hurt so much that he changed his mind about me... but more that he didn't respect me enough that he didn't think he needed to explain anything to me. Fair enough if you go on a date with someone once or twice, then disappear.. you don't owe anyone anything.

But if you've been talking to someone every day for 3 months, you open up to eachother, you are intimate, you have sex.....it just baffles me completely how someone can do that?! Is that what I deserve?

Sorry, I'm just venting here.. but I really liked this guy, he had so much promise, and I am fed up of being let down all the time by guys..

February 5, 2014

No idea.

Easy to call a guy insensitive. Perhaps he is. However, you say his happens with more than one guy? I don't say this to be smug but never happened to me. Could you be sending off some type of vibe? Too 'easy'...talk about the ex...any drug/alcohol issues... too early talking about the future '?

We don't know your situation but try to figure out a 'why' rather than just men are all 'whatever'. Otherwise the pattern will continue. Even worse, you will avoid get getting emotionally close to a man in future.

Yes, perhaps he was just a jerk. However, did you have positive relationships before this?

February 5, 2014

Just another of the many, many weak, cowardly people who go nc instead of explaining themselves.

Be glad it didn't progress to marriage. Same thing may have happened.

February 5, 2014

People do often explain themselves and the other person never listens or chooses to be deaf?. Did this fellow say how much he loved her? Declare to the world that they were a couple? Get excited and couldn't wait to be with her?

We don't know any of this. Perhaps from his perspective he met a woman...they got to know each other, had sex and met a few times and meh?...not going anywhere from his perspective. He had drifted away in part before he was declared as 'disappeared'.

February 5, 2014

I was in this situation... may not be exact but pretty similar and I am again going thru it now...

Don't worry.. just write here whatever u feel like... first few days will suck and then u will be fine

And some people are very insensitive and cowards and they do this to save themselves from confrontation.

What else to say... just hang on and take care... it will pass...

Also do not blame yourself... that will not help in any way.

Once you feel better maybe u can analyze what went wrong... but mostly it's him not you.

February 5, 2014

People do often explain themselves and the other person never listens or chooses to be deaf?. Did this fellow say how much he loved her? Declare to the world that they were a couple? Get excited and couldn't wait to be with her?

We don't know any of this. Perhaps from his perspective he met a woman...they got to know each other, had sex and met a few times and meh?...not going anywhere from his perspective. He had drifted away in part before he was declared as 'disappeared'.

What is this drifting away... if he had sex... n he is decent enough a man, he should tell her clearly... what's happening... that he is no longer interested or not feeling it or he needs a break... instead of drifting and fading away... thats the worst thing ever.

February 5, 2014

It happened to me twice.

Two guys just stopped talking to me, instead of breaking up with me using worlds like a decent person would do.

I have never done it and always tell a guy if I don't feel it with him anymore.

I am quirky and not appealing to a HUUUGE range of people, however still have friends and people regularly think I have a lovely personality.

The guys that I met both seemed to like me a lot initially, but after getting to know me more, I believe they didn't like me as much and didn't feel it for me.

Instead of telling me they were no longer interested, they disappeared and just stopped texting me.

Sorry but I believe that the most decent people around have the balls to tell someone they slept with that they wont be talking to them anymore, and to also wish them well and thank them for their time they had together.

Screw this: they owe you nothing horse sh*t. They had SEX. The girl set aside her time to spend with a guy. She really liked him. She got naked for him. If he was a decent person, he would have told her that he simply didn't feel"it" with her and wanted to "stop" seeing each other.

February 5, 2014

Some people can see sex as a bodily function and disconnect it from any relationship-type feelings or dynamics, though they can 'mask' those feelings/dynamics as perceptible behaviors which may serve to keep their intended interested until the use period has run its course.

OP, being a man, I can share with you that, relevant to 'how', the better a man is at compartmentalizing his feelings, the more effective he will be in 'poofing', meaning disappearing seemingly without reason or trace. The kind of guy who holds you tenderly one night in the throes of lovemaking, whispering sweet promises of tomorrows forever and then completely disappears the next day. I've had the misfortune of loving some women who could do it too. Part of life.

IMO, the only 'sure' thing is the one at the end holding your hand as you depart the mortal coil. All the others can potentially disappear. That's how life works. No guarantees. I look at it as you hopefully enjoyed a few months with him. Hopefully, you'll have a lot more of that in your life and maybe even someone there at the end. Good luck.

February 5, 2014

Did you meet online? This seems to be the thing to do with online "men".

February 5, 2014

What is this drifting away... if he had sex... n he is decent enough a man, he should tell her clearly... what's happening... that he is no longer interested or not feeling it or he needs a break... instead of drifting and fading away... thats the worst thing ever.

No idea. We know nothing about this fellow. According to some women here, guys fade away all the time. Why do they do this to some women? Men are all evil?

I'm guessing some women get too caught up in a relationship too early. Their perspective and that of the guy are different. Some guys may not see that there was anything to end. They met a woman, went out a few times, had sex, perhaps went out less often, talked less...the end. We women attach much more emotion to sex than a man does. This is why I'm very particular about who touches my body. I'm not like many here who can just detach and move on so I only have sex after a really know a man and he is completely committed to me. Not worth being miserable for months because some fellow was on a different wave length.

Edited February 5, 2014 by Eau Claire

February 5, 2014

No idea. We know nothing about this fellow. According to some women here, guys fade away all the time. Why do they do this to some women? Men are all evil?

I'm guessing some women get too caught up in a relationship too early. Their perspective and that of the guy are different. Some guys may not see that there was anything to end. They met a woman, went out a few times, had sex, perhaps went out less often, talked less...the end. We women attach much more emotion to sex than a man does. This is why I'm very particular about who touches my body. I'm not like many here who can just detach and move on so I only have sex after a really know a man and he is completely committed to me. Not worth being miserable for months because some fellow was on a different wave length.

Yes I agree.

Men disappear if they get sex or if they don't get sex also.

The question is not exactly about how much emotionally involved someone was.

I think it is more about how much you respect this person in front of you, who took time to spend with you and to explore the possibility of a relationship. That deserves some explanation if one of them is deciding to end it and the other one isn't on same page.

February 5, 2014

How did he change his mind or fade away?

1.) Did he simply stop initiating every interaction?

2.) Or did he just disappear and ignoring your texts and calls?

If he went with #2, I'd say that is impolite.

If it was #1, I wouldn't be so put off by it. I'm not sure about you specifically, but a lot of women here expect the man to demonstrate unconditional devotion from the first time they see the woman. Similarly some women expect the man to initiate all/most interactions and dates for the duration of the relationship.

Some men do not want to be permanently in pursuit mode. After a number of dates, they might want and expect the woman to start putting a similar amount of effort in the relationship. If that is the case, and she does not start reciprocating effort, then he might let things fade away. If she is not putting effort into the relationship, why should he continue to do so?

There was not enough information in your post to determine if this was the case, but it is one possible scenario.

February 5, 2014

As seen on a previous thread:

(I'm a guy.) My girlfriend broke up with me after almost nine months via e-mail. A short e-mail, at that. No reasons, just about ten sentences, "it's not you it's me."

Refused to give any answers all week, wouldn't answer the phone, only texted and said "I need time to talk to you about it." We never made it to that conversation.

The last person in the world I would have expected to do such a thing.

February 5, 2014

This happened to me in college with a drummer boy from a band. (should have been my red flag to start!!)

Things were great, we were talking and hanging out every day for a little over a month. He was really sweet to me, NO signs of him being a player or possibly straying.

One day after walking me to class, he tells me he will call me after he gets off work.

9pm rolls around... 10pm rolls around. I finally text to see how he is and how work was (cause he normally gets off at 8:30).

11pm rolls around... 11:30. At that point, I'm a little worried/upset.

Then I get a text. "Sorry but I can't be with you anymore. My ex is back in town and we are getting back together."

I had just turned 19. He was 22. I was SO HURT... LIVID... couldn't believe he would do something like that through text and literally out of NOWHERE.

Turns out, he only told me that because he didn't know how else to break it off with me and wanted to sleep around. He had gotten bored with me.

Like others have said- it said a WHOLE LOT MORE about him than it did about you. Its very cowardly of him to not give you a reason and to just drop you out of nowhere. But both men and women do things that no one can explain, but what it comes down to is that THEY have more issues that you need to deal with and if they can just so easily walk out of your life without giving you courtesy to know why or just explain themselves and tell the truth- they are actually doing you a big favor in the long run by revealing their true self.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I remember how hurtful it was when I experienced this, probably the most hurt I've EVER been. Keep your head up and know you're better than him. (not trying to be rude toward him, but its true)

Interestingly enough... 6 months later I receive a voicemail from the guy that broke my heart. He said "I've been doing a lot of soul searching and I'm just making my rounds, calling people I know I've hurt and wanting to apologize..." So yep, I got my apology. But by then, I had already moved on and forgiven him. No need to hold onto that hurt.

Best of luck sweetie.

February 5, 2014

I just don't understand how a guy can just disappear without a word! Things seemed to be going so well, we were talking nearly every day for 3 months and then suddenly he just changes his mind!

It doesn't hurt so much that he changed his mind about me... but more that he didn't respect me enough that he didn't think he needed to explain anything to me. Fair enough if you go on a date with someone once or twice, then disappear.. you don't owe anyone anything.

But if you've been talking to someone every day for 3 months, you open up to eachother, you are intimate, you have sex.....it just baffles me completely how someone can do that?! Is that what I deserve?

Sorry, I'm just venting here.. but I really liked this guy, he had so much promise, and I am fed up of being let down all the time by guys..

It really sucks that happened to you and I empathize with your pain.

Some people are just complete cowards. If only they showed their true colors before you got attached.

February 5, 2014

I just don't understand how a guy can just disappear without a word! Things seemed to be going so well, we were talking nearly every day for 3 months and then suddenly he just changes his mind!

It doesn't hurt so much that he changed his mind about me... but more that he didn't respect me enough that he didn't think he needed to explain anything to me. Fair enough if you go on a date with someone once or twice, then disappear.. you don't owe anyone anything.

But if you've been talking to someone every day for 3 months, you open up to eachother, you are intimate, you have sex.....it just baffles me completely how someone can do that?! Is that what I deserve?

Sorry, I'm just venting here.. but I really liked this guy, he had so much promise, and I am fed up of being let down all the time by guys..

And to answer your question... NO. YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT. No one does. It's nothing wrong with you that made him do that. Something like this only happens from cowardly people with issues.

February 5, 2014

Yep, Went through the exact same thing last week

We went out a heap of times... i met his family, he met mine.... I met his friends.. went to his christmas party met all his work colleagues. We were intimate. He was full blown almost infatuated. Then, almost overnight he tried to disappear without a word... ignored me and after a few weeks i confronted him and told him i could take a hint when i see one and that i would make it easier for him with a winky face.. pretty much made him feel bad but also that i didnt care and left it. He ended up making up some dumb excuse and said that he isnt ignoring me..

"I am not ignoring you, I am just so busy with work and training at this time of the year that I kinda lose contact with everyone. With that being said I dont want to lead you on. I dont think there is anything more to us. I hope you don't hate me and I would love to stay friends."

URGH!!! what a dumb excuse (all the while he was uploading photos from his awesome weekend and commenting on everything) and why would we be friends when we have no mutual friends. Oh hey wanna go to the movies? Yeah I dont think so. Pity we go to the same gym. I have been avoiding it as i dont want to run into him. I still have way too many feelings for him much. It would only cause more pain. But the main thing is i finally got my answer so im moving on. We were both away for a week at one stage and EVERY DAY i got a msg saying how much he missed me.. phone calls etc.. it only took one more week after we got back and he was gone.

Its hard and i felt like a disposable plastic bag... but you gotta find someone that has more respect for you. These guys are nothing but cowards.

After a few dates over the period of 1 or 2 weeks.. then sure.. but three months you deserve an honest answer straight away so you can move on and waste no more time.

February 5, 2014

I just don't understand how a guy can just disappear without a word! Things seemed to be going so well, we were talking nearly every day for 3 months and then suddenly he just changes his mind!

It doesn't hurt so much that he changed his mind about me... but more that he didn't respect me enough that he didn't think he needed to explain anything to me. Fair enough if you go on a date with someone once or twice, then disappear.. you don't owe anyone anything.

But if you've been talking to someone every day for 3 months, you open up to eachother, you are intimate, you have sex.....it just baffles me completely how someone can do that?! Is that what I deserve?

Sorry, I'm just venting here.. but I really liked this guy, he had so much promise, and I am fed up of being let down all the time by guys..

]

Your story is sooo exactly like mine. We were officially together for 3 months and talked every moment of day , almost shared everything , were intimate. Even the guy walking talking about marriage , our future together. No fight , arguments or disagreements just happiness. Out of blue his mind changed and he disappeared , followed by lot of drama. You should definitely read my post , our story is similar.

One advice : Move on for yourself!

February 5, 2014

People do often explain themselves and the other person never listens or chooses to be deaf?. Did this fellow say how much he loved her? Declare to the world that they were a couple? Get excited and couldn't wait to be with her?

We don't know any of this. Perhaps from his perspective he met a woman...they got to know each other, had sex and met a few times and meh?...not going anywhere from his perspective. He had drifted away in part before he was declared as 'disappeared'.

Kind of agree with this posts.. My ex did same "disappearing" thing.. Well in my case , guy always told me how much happy he was with me . He talked about marriage , future together. Even he told all his friends that he is with me from first week.

February 5, 2014

It's really hard to hurt people,yes ignoring them hurts,but confronting therm and dealing with the backlash or listing the reasons they are no longer desirable who wants to tell that to someone? Sometimes people think it's better to drift off like probably he thought.

It would be nice if he could have been open and discussed the change of heart but sometimes you don't even know the reason why.

I know some people say guys think it will hurt less to disappear than to actually tell someone they are no longer interested, but they are wrong! Because part of the reason why it hurts so much is because I am confused as to what happened and don't know if I did something wrong!! And also I feel like he had no respect for me!

I had sex with him, and for me sex is a VERY big deal. I know there are women who sleep around, but I don't. Being intimate with him was a huge thing for me, and to think that I trusted someone who clearly had no respect for me..it makes me sick.

Also, I messaged him telling him that if he wasn't feeling it anymore it would be nice for him to let me know, and he IGNORED it too! Unbelievable.

February 5, 2014

No idea.

Easy to call a guy insensitive. Perhaps he is. However, you say his happens with more than one guy? I don't say this to be smug but never happened to me. Could you be sending off some type of vibe? Too 'easy'...talk about the ex...any drug/alcohol issues... too early talking about the future '?

We don't know your situation but try to figure out a 'why' rather than just men are all 'whatever'. Otherwise the pattern will continue. Even worse, you will avoid get getting emotionally close to a man in future.

Yes, perhaps he was just a jerk. However, did you have positive relationships before this?

I said I was fed up of being let down by guys... I've had my heartbroken before, that doesn't mean every guy I've been with has disappeared.

Only this one, which is why I'm finding it so hard because I've never experienced it before and its so confusing and hurtful.

And no I'm not too easy, and no I didn't talk about ex, and no I have no drug/alcohol issues, and no I didn't bring up the future once.

February 5, 2014

People do often explain themselves and the other person never listens or chooses to be deaf?. Did this fellow say how much he loved her? Declare to the world that they were a couple? Get excited and couldn't wait to be with her?

We don't know any of this. Perhaps from his perspective he met a woman...they got to know each other, had sex and met a few times and meh?...not going anywhere from his perspective. He had drifted away in part before he was declared as 'disappeared'.

If he had told me sorry met someone else, or sorry I'm just not feeling it anymore.. it would be fine and I wouldn't be left feeling so confused and disrespected.

You may be right where you say he felt it wasn't going anywhere.. but the crazy thing is the last time I saw him, he was all over me...so affectionate, we spent the night together and he even kissed me in the middle of the night when he thought I was asleep... like who does that??

And the worse part is, he was a true gentleman for the whole time I knew him.... and then look, he clearly never was because a true gentleman would never just ignore a woman!

Anyway, should I delete him off all social media? What do people do in these situations? It would be nice if when I have photos taken having fun and looking good in the near future, he sees them but then what will that achieve?

Edited February 5, 2014 by nadinefleur

February 5, 2014

Sorry it sucks to go through this but trust me you WILL get over it. Just thank God you've seen this guys true colors and please don't even think of keeping communication with someone who would just drop you like this. I've been there w someone I met online. That's why I asked if you met online because this happens A LOT online. It's nothing more than they met someone else. He will come back out of nowhere with some BS excuse after his new fling blows up in his face. Don't fall for it. Have respect for yourself. There's no point in even analyzing this. The guy you thought was a great guy is a coward and loser. Best wishes in moving on and finding a great quality MAN.

Some things that will help you move on is investing in yourself. Go to the gym start new hobbies. Don't sit there and wallow in what could of been with someone who really isn't worth one more second of your time. It hurts now but it gets easier everyday and soon he won't even cross your mind. It's a blessing really that you found out sooner than later.

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How can someone disappear after a few months of dating without a word?

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