96Maxwell Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I am going through a divorce. I was married for 12 years to an ocd man who was extremely controlling. At some point I felt that I couldn't get away and began shutting down. He argued with me about every detail in my life. Any decision I made would be met with opposition until I shut down and began just going through the motions and trying to navigate around him to sneak in moments of happiness. They were few and far between. Anything that made me happy he did his best to destroy (from the tiniest things like choosing what I wanted to drink, buy or even practicing yoga.) This past summer someone (a man) started emailing me and paying me attention. I wasn't able to have female let alone male friends. I tried to ignore him but he persisted. Then eventually I met him and one thing led to another and there was a full blown affair. I felt alive again. I fell in love. I didn't care if my husband found out bc he was so awful to me. He did find out and we are in the midst of an ugly divorce. He is vengeful, says he wants to destroy me. I lost my well paying job. He was going crazy bc he didn't ant the marriage to end. He swore he changed, meanwhile he was serial dating (at leat 30 women in 2 months). I had to get a restraining order on my spouse bc as he was losing control his behavior was getting more and more out of control. I was scared as he was monitering my phone, stalking me, harrassing me and got physical on one occasion. During the court hearing for the permanent restraining order he got the judge to agree that my boyfriend cannot be around my children. The reason for this was because he had a marijuana charge on his record from 5 years ago. This has causing such a strain on my new relationship. I see him at odd times and life if just not normal. He has to rush home when they are coming home. He can't attend family gatherings. I left my controlling husband and yet i feel he is controlling me still. He has introduced my children to 5 women and they have slept at 2 of the women's homes since June (9 months). My bf & I love each other but the restrictions on when we can see eachother is destroying us. He has back problems and continues to smoke pot and tells me that's the reason. I have asked him to quit so he could pass a substance abuse test. He would never smoke around the children. He is a great father to his own children and he helps make my life better in many ways. He helps me around my house. Shovels snow, cleans my car, is sheet rocking my basement. He shows me he loves me in many ways but he wont kick this habit. I broke up with him today and feel awful bc I don't think this kind of chemistry happens often in life. I have broken up with him many times over this because it feels to me that he isn't putting me first. He complains about the restrictions put on our relationship but does nothing to change it. My husbands did this to spite me not for any other reason. He has family members who smoke pot and I know they are around my kids. I don't know if I should try to move on from this guy I love and go it alone and work on healing myself. There is a part of me that feels like i'm letting my ex win by giving up the relationship.
BradJacobs Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I broke up with him today and feel awful bc I don't think this kind of chemistry happens often in life. I don't know if I should try to move on from this guy I love and go it alone and work on healing myself. Breaking up means you've made the decision to "go it alone". Or is it different in your neck of the woods? I had to get a restraining order on my spouse bc as he was losing control his behavior was getting more and more out of control. During the court hearing for the permanent restraining order he got the judge to agree that my boyfriend cannot be around my children. The reason for this was because he had a marijuana charge on his record from 5 years ago. Seems your soon-to-be ex husband played this well. If you want a normal relationship you're going to have to find it elsewhere. And make certain that they don't have a criminal record.
Author 96Maxwell Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 We break up regularly and always get back together. It seems kind of co-dependant. My ex did play it well. He always does he is always 10 steps ahead of me. That's why I want to get away from him. He's always scheming.
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