leafguy Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Hey everyone, need some quick advice here. Long story short, went out with a girl Saturday after a few crappy dates the previous few weeks. We really hit it off, date lasting 8 hours...dinner, desert, mini golf than a coffee that turned into 3 hours of chatting. I did all the chivalrous things, holding doors, etc etc. At the end of the night since I had driven around the area (she had parked as she wasn't familiar), I helped her clean her car of snow as mine was already done. Ended off with a very long passionate kiss. Got home at 3am Sunday, texted a bit. We set up a second date for this Thursday as of the end of the first date and finalized it Sunday via text. She initiated 8am sunday morning and we chatted all day. Fast forward to Monday morning, her hours switch from days to graveyard (being a nurse working 12 hour shifts). So I texted her saying hope she got enough sleep and has a good day at work, got a sorry slept in running errands. So I made a brief polite text back saying no worries, hope shift goes well. Now fast forward to this point today and its been silent. I have nothing but positives to say about how things have gone so far, but my question is...if I don't hear anything tomorrow (she is off, do I call and ask about plans again?) I don't expect to hear much today as if I was working over night 12s Id just want to sleep. That being said, anyone care to be a bit of a guide? Still getting used to this dating process and how I should handle asking about plans or letting her talk about it. Thx
Ronni_W Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I agree with winny. Confirm it -- as a statement, not a question -- the evening before. I would also add to not mention that you went all 'schoolgirl' and started wondering if the date was still on, mainly because she didn't contact you for one day. (Just in general, people should be able to manage more than one day of no communication without feeling all doubtful, panicked, insecure.)
carhill Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Also, call her to confirm. This respects the reality that you've had little contact since your great date on Sunday and that talking with her is the primary communication means you'll use to grow this dating experience into a relationship. If she's looking forward to Thursday, she'll like it when your number appears on her phone. Brief and flirty. Hope the date goes well!
scorpiogirl Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Yes as above, confirm with a statement. She's already said yes. "Hey X, I'll pick you up/ meet you at 8. Looking forward to seeing you again or something more imaginative ( it's 6am here) But you get the gist.
Fondue Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 If I arranged a date, I assume the date is on unless someone cancels. I feel that both parties have to be committed enough not to "need" confirmation, as it speaks volumes about their interest level (in a good way). I never had a date spontaneously cancel or be a no-show though. So I wouldn't know how that feels. I would be ready to go on that date thursday. If she doesn't want to be there, then she lacks interest in you. That's my interpretation.
winny Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Also if she cancels without any proper reason or is vague about next date or never replies to your re confirmation text or doesn't pick/call back to your re confirmation call... then she is not interested.
Author leafguy Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Thx for the advice guys. I tend to agree with everything. I have left her be the past two days to work and sleep. Im not trying to be the clingy guy, but I tend to like a lot of dialogue with the people I am getting to know, even if I don't see them. Just my personal preference and I understand not everyone is the same or just has the time or the want to communicate even when they are not seeing each other. With that being said, she was the one that said Thursday, and she had said about changing around her dance class to see me, which is a great sign. And also the fact things had been so positive up until her schedule change that I am not sure what could have changed for her to want to cancel...especially after the ending to the date and her initiating contact the morning after. Chalk it up to her being busy I hope.
imatradie81 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 She didn't reply because she already agreed and your sms wasn't open ended there's nothing to reply to. So just leave it and confirm the day before.
SYLLPalmer Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hey everyone, need some quick advice here. Long story short, went out with a girl Saturday after a few crappy dates the previous few weeks. We really hit it off, date lasting 8 hours...dinner, desert, mini golf than a coffee that turned into 3 hours of chatting. I did all the chivalrous things, holding doors, etc etc. At the end of the night since I had driven around the area (she had parked as she wasn't familiar), I helped her clean her car of snow as mine was already done. Ended off with a very long passionate kiss. Got home at 3am Sunday, texted a bit. We set up a second date for this Thursday as of the end of the first date and finalized it Sunday via text. She initiated 8am sunday morning and we chatted all day. Fast forward to Monday morning, her hours switch from days to graveyard (being a nurse working 12 hour shifts). So I texted her saying hope she got enough sleep and has a good day at work, got a sorry slept in running errands. So I made a brief polite text back saying no worries, hope shift goes well. Now fast forward to this point today and its been silent. I have nothing but positives to say about how things have gone so far, but my question is...if I don't hear anything tomorrow (she is off, do I call and ask about plans again?) I don't expect to hear much today as if I was working over night 12s Id just want to sleep. That being said, anyone care to be a bit of a guide? Still getting used to this dating process and how I should handle asking about plans or letting her talk about it. Thx She flip flops grave yard with day shift? Nursing is BRUTAL in and of itself. Nursing grave yard can break a man/woman. Worry not. Seriously. If you hear nothing tomorrow this is because she is scrambling to meet basic needs and get adequate sleep/adjust to lack there of. Just wait for her to surface. Then when you see her next ask her to explain how her schedule impacts her life. Ask what adjustments has she had to make, if it is stressful, and how long she has been doing it. Grave yard is a risk factor for illness. Some people would rather live in squalor than try to hack it for income, present company included.
Author leafguy Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Hi Syll, Yes she does flop day and graveyard shifts. 2 weeks on 1, 2 weeks on the other. Basically does 2 on 2 off, 3 on two off, two on, then 4 off for the switch from what she told me and I understand lol. We started texting about a week and a half ago after a couple weeks of emailing. The texting was constant all through even when she was at work. Now that she is graveyard, I figured the switch would be rough...just wasn;t expecting total silence I guess. I have no clue what it would entail switching and how much scrambling it is after a 12 hour shift, but I figured it would be tons of sleep. Maybe someone with nursing experience can comment lol. I expect her to surface at some point tomorrow. It is her first off day after the first two on. So I guess tomorrow evening would be my target. I am calling her to reconfirm plans for thurs.
SYLLPalmer Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Hi Syll, Yes she does flop day and graveyard shifts. 2 weeks on 1, 2 weeks on the other. Basically does 2 on 2 off, 3 on two off, two on, then 4 off for the switch from what she told me and I understand lol. We started texting about a week and a half ago after a couple weeks of emailing. The texting was constant all through even when she was at work. Now that she is graveyard, I figured the switch would be rough...just wasn;t expecting total silence I guess. I have no clue what it would entail switching and how much scrambling it is after a 12 hour shift, but I figured it would be tons of sleep. Maybe someone with nursing experience can comment lol. I expect her to surface at some point tomorrow. It is her first off day after the first two on. So I guess tomorrow evening would be my target. I am calling her to reconfirm plans for thurs. Don't be surprised if she doesn't surface until a little before your scheduled meeting. This lifestyle takes skill and discipline to navigate. Every hour is accounted for.
Author leafguy Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 I texted her this morning before her shift ended asking how it was. She replied at the end and said she was going home to bed lol. No shock there, so let her sleep all day and plan on calling to ask her tonight to confirm for tomorrow. Guess we shall see how that goes
SYLLPalmer Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I texted her this morning before her shift ended asking how it was. She replied at the end and said she was going home to bed lol. No shock there, so let her sleep all day and plan on calling to ask her tonight to confirm for tomorrow. Guess we shall see how that goes Her behavior is in line. You have nothing to worry about. If things proceed make sure you give her plenty of support and leeway where her time is concerned. Good luck.
Author leafguy Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 Thx Syl, Everything seems to be on course. She said she really wants to go out...in this case 10 pin bowling, despite the fact she said she wasn't feeling 100%. Guess we shall see tomorrow. Hopefully all goes well, but she has been in line as you said and seems to be interested. Thx for the advice.
SYLLPalmer Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Thx Syl, Everything seems to be on course. She said she really wants to go out...in this case 10 pin bowling, despite the fact she said she wasn't feeling 100%. Guess we shall see tomorrow. Hopefully all goes well, but she has been in line as you said and seems to be interested. Thx for the advice. My pleasure. It's not every day that my career experience can be used to help love birds. 1
Author leafguy Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Alright...figured I would update Date two went really well. She wasn't kidding when that she was sick. She arrived and for the second time took my breath away when she first walked up to my car. That being said, she sounded like death lol. She had no voice and a nasty cough. Yet she came out for a date. That to me meant major points that she admitted to wanting to come despite feeling that rough. We ended up going bowling and for a desert again. I was ready to end off after bowling as I worked in the morning, she could sleep in, but she asked if there was anything else we could do. Another huge positive. With that being said, date 3 is up in the air for a bit. Her schedule is jammed for a couple weeks. Plans her next two off days and a family trip over the long weekend coming up, so Im looking at two weeks before another date. I fully intend on asking for a rematch, but my question (Syl this is where you could help )...when people are just starting to date, how often should you see them? I know it varies, just looking for personal experience so I can appreciate such a long time between seeing her. At this point, I feel there is that connection and I fully intend on giving it a bit of time to see where it goes...at least see how the next couple weeks play out. Advice anyone?
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