merli12743 Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Well it has been a while since i have been here.Let my start of by saying that the wife had an affair a couple of years ago.i thought that we were working past it,but the sex just isnt there anymore.when it does come to sex all she wants is my to hurry up and get it over with.There is no foreplay.She just puts on ky and wants me to get right to it and get it over.Is it just me or does there seem something wrong with this picture?Any advice or help would be apperaciated.and just a little fyi we did see a marriage counsler.I just dont know if its time to go or what.And one more thing yes i have tried all the romantic things under the book but nothing works.
Zoot Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Maybe it's just over. Can you deal with that or is it possible you are living in denial?
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Tell her how you feel, what she does in bed, how it upsets you...That you want more than just a quick roll in the hay. There has to be intimacy, sharing and love...Maybe she is scared, I don't know. But talk to her. Give it all you got and see if you both really want to work on the sexual part of your marriage together. Definately go back to councilling. It will help alot. Keep posting and good luck!
Dazzle Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 If she tells you she loves you then go for sex therapy, otherwise accept the fact that it's over.
KissMyTiara Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 This might hurt. I once behaved in the same exact way as your W also after I had cheated (we weren't married, just living together). After I was with someone other than my then-current long-term BF, I realized that I essentially felt sexually and passionately NUMB towards my boyfriend, and so when he wanted sex, I literally just busted out some lube and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible...and that is SO NOT what a healthy sex life should be like. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no way I was ever going to get any sort of real sexual attraction to BF back, it was just gone. It might never have been there in the first place. My friend, it's probably over.
Owl Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 You don't mention it, but I thought I'd ask. Is she taking any kind of medication for depression? That stuff can be killer on the sex drive. My wife and I have gone through similar issues since her affair, but in our case, I'm sure it's due to the medication. A lot of times she wants to make love, but she doesn't "have the drive" to put a lot of effort into it. Talk with your wife, and let her know what you need, and why. It's helped my wife and I considerably in dealing with this. And like I said, think about whether or not she's taking any meds that might have some kind of adverse affect like this.
Leaf Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 I really hate to ask this... but... Do you think she is having another affair?
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