allcriedout1 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I think my first post was too long, no one responded. Exbf broke up with me suddenly in mid October after 8 years together (he is 49 and I am 45). He said he just hasnt been happy and I dont treat him like he is important. He broke contact in Nov after 15 days via text msg. Tried to be just friends with me. Went NC again, he broke contact in Dec after 7 days again text msg. We hung out twice in Dec. Went NC again. I broke NC in Jan after 10 days. We hung out twice again. No sex, it was more of an emotional dump... I was his person to vent to about how he feels about himself and life in general. I cant be just in the "friend zone". I read that the dumper does this to help with their guilt of breaking up with you. Now I am at 7 days NC after he said to me last week, "I love you but Im not IN love with you" and that he would rather be alone than be with me. I think he is going through a midlife crisis and he is depressed. I want him back but I know NC is the best. Chasing him is not going to help matters. This is the worst break up my life even worst than my 15 year marriage. Thanks for listening and I hope to find support here.
David87 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I think my first post was too long, no one responded. Exbf broke up with me suddenly in mid October after 8 years together (he is 49 and I am 45). He said he just hasnt been happy and I dont treat him like he is important. He broke contact in Nov after 15 days via text msg. Tried to be just friends with me. Went NC again, he broke contact in Dec after 7 days again text msg. We hung out twice in Dec. Went NC again. I broke NC in Jan after 10 days. We hung out twice again. No sex, it was more of an emotional dump... I was his person to vent to about how he feels about himself and life in general. I cant be just in the "friend zone". I read that the dumper does this to help with their guilt of breaking up with you. Now I am at 7 days NC after he said to me last week, "I love you but Im not IN love with you" and that he would rather be alone than be with me. I think he is going through a midlife crisis and he is depressed. I want him back but I know NC is the best. Chasing him is not going to help matters. This is the worst break up my life even worst than my 15 year marriage. Thanks for listening and I hope to find support here. Hei allcriedout1. So sorry for your payn, I know how it feels . Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make someone love you.. Keep NC and only break it when he says that he's sorry and wants you back. 1
k10k Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Hey allcried, Offering you my support. I'm sure many others will too. If it helps, just know that you are not alone. I'm also on day 7 after receiving a final "I love you but...yadda yadda " message. That was when I knew for sure that it was time to just let it go. Unfortunately you have to let him be, he chose to opt out, he cannot be a healthy partner to YOU because of his issues/depression.. him using you these past couple of months as emotional support is totally not fair to you and is just a drain on your energy. You have every right to not want to be in the "friend zone". At this point the only thing you can do is focus on healing yourself. The world seems rather scary after a breakup but just try to remember that bad times always lead back to good times, we've just got to push through. Post here about your feelings, it helps to vent. Sending you big hug x 2
Author allcriedout1 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Thanks for the responses and your support. It doesnt help that he said in that phone conversation that he thought I would be the one that he spent the rest of his life with. If thats the case, why did he break up with me? It really doesnt make any sense. I know that if he is not with me, he will never be with anyone ever again. I just know this about him. He said that he felt cheated because it didnt work out with me and he wont ever put himself in the position to be in a relationship with anyone ever again. He had ended up calling me last Tuesday night instead of a usual text reply because I had texted that I loved and missed him. He called and said "I thought you were okay with just being friends" NO, I'm not. And from reading on here you cant just be friends with them immediately after the break. Blah, I hate feeling like this... still in denial and cant believe we arent together any longer.
David87 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Thanks for the responses and your support. It doesnt help that he said in that phone conversation that he thought I would be the one that he spent the rest of his life with. If thats the case, why did he break up with me? It really doesnt make any sense. I know that if he is not with me, he will never be with anyone ever again. I just know this about him. He said that he felt cheated because it didnt work out with me and he wont ever put himself in the position to be in a relationship with anyone ever again. He had ended up calling me last Tuesday night instead of a usual text reply because I had texted that I loved and missed him. He called and said "I thought you were okay with just being friends" NO, I'm not. And from reading on here you cant just be friends with them immediately after the break. Blah, I hate feeling like this... still in denial and cant believe we arent together any longer. He thought that you are the one, but he doesn't think that anymore. The sad part is that he doesn't want to give you another chance to show him that you can be a different person. And you are right , you can be just friends with someone you love. In this case give him the opportunity to miss you, and the see what happens.
k10k Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 It doesnt help that he said in that phone conversation that he thought I would be the one that he spent the rest of his life with. If thats the case, why did he break up with me? It really doesnt make any sense. Yea, this is why NC is recommended right after a breakup, the more you talk to him the more confused you will get and the more questions you will have. Breakups never really make sense to the dumpee at first, but with distance and a good amount of time you will gain more clarity and a better perspective on things. And like David87 says, maybe he will start to miss you, but he can't miss you if you're still there for him, and I think he will need a lot of time to work on his issues, so don't hang on to that hope too much. Just try to move on with the idea that it's over, you don't want to be stuck in limbo. Allow yourself to feel the pain, and bit by bit you'll move through to acceptance. 1
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