crazeemohfoh Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Been with my boyfriend for a year. He travels a lot for work, so I've gotten pretty used to him coming and going. We have been very happy and loving with each other through this relationship, and I must say it has been amazing and surprising to see it grow and grow. Last week, I had the case of PMS, which causes me to become a completely different person, irritable, impatient, insecure, etc etc. yes, just horrible to be around. So the BF is not completely understanding of it, even though we've talked about it many times, but I know he is still affected by it. He's not home at the moment, I won't see him for another few days, and we've barely talk. Just petty texts and nothing more. Even though he says he understands now, I feel he has been pretty distant with me. Really hard for me to get on with my life without any clear closure, and doesn't help when I see him on social media making new friends with hot girls. Ugh kill me... Any advice or words of encouragement are greatly, greatly appreciated! Thanks.
Janesays Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Quit acting so horrible and blaming PMS. I bleed once a month, too. That doesn't give me a free pass to treat others like dirt. You're not going to make it very far in life unless you learn to control yourself. I mean, if you blow up on your boss at work, you're going to get fired. PMS is no excuse. And if you CAN control yourself at work, why can't you control yourself around your boyfriend? 5
GoreSP Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Perhaps this time you said something that really hurt him? Personally, I can't imagine living with someone who turns into a total nut job once a month and then says 'sorry honey...'insert biological excuse you can't argue with here' There are ways you can make this time not as horrible for both of you. At the very least, work on keeping your impatience and irritation to yourself instead of blowing up in your BF's face. Especially since you know it's the PMS acting up and has nothing to do with him or his behavior.
salparadise Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 While he should try and be tolerant and understanding, PMS is no excuse to act out and project a boatload of negativity onto your partner. Ask him kindly to understand that you're really not yourself during this time, but own your behavior regardless. If he's carrying on with hot girls on social media, that's a completely separate issue. 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Sounds like the real issue is him being on Facebook and befriending other women. What's up with that, and are you talking to him about it?
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Quit acting so horrible and blaming PMS. I bleed once a month, too. That doesn't give me a free pass to treat others like dirt. You're not going to make it very far in life unless you learn to control yourself. I mean, if you blow up on your boss at work, you're going to get fired. PMS is no excuse. And if you CAN control yourself at work, why can't you control yourself around your boyfriend? I couldn't agree more. It's like I said to my ex who wouldn't stop farting loudly around me, if you can hold it in during a funeral you can hold it in long enough to leave the room for a minute or at least do it quietly. But anyway... PMS is no excuse. As a woman, I don't have any female friends who act any more irrationally or irritably during their period than the rest of the month. It's largely agreed upon that some women like to use periods as excuses for behaving like a bitch once a month knowing that there will likely be no repercussions. I mean come on, at the VERY least if you do find it effects your emotions negatively you need to learn to work on that and distance yourself before you lash out instead of taking it out on your partner. I don't care what the excuse is, if a boyfriend of mine treated me like crap on a monthly basis I'd be outta there. 3
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Very rarely do I get bitchy PMS, but when I do, I do my best to keep my mouth shut. If my husband bugs me to the point my blood starts boiling, I go into another room and keep to myself. PMS is NOT an excuse to take out your frustrations on your boyfriend. You're a grown woman and can control what comes out of mouth, how you behave. Apologize to him and tell him you'll work harder on keeping to yourself when you suffer from PMS and not take it out on him. Ask him to give you a bit of space too and IF by chance something is said which he finds outrageous, to give you some slack, not make it into something more than it is. Compromise with him but most of all, learn to control your moods during PMS. 1
Keenly Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 You are blame shifting. " he is mad because of PMS " No. He is mad because you probably treated him like crap and then expected him to eat it with a smile and then let it go, which is unrealistic. 4
Author crazeemohfoh Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Wow thanks everyone for the replies. Ok i am definitely going to own my emotions and feelings, however irrational they can get. I just feel so horrible about it and I guess the only way to really get through this is when I see him again this weekend. I really want to be better at it. Perhaps I could ask him to leave me alone when this happens again. I never blew up on him, always kept that to myself and believe me it is really hard to keep such strong emotions to myself. But he just doesn't like seeing me upset like that. So he would get annoyed with me. Hope that made some kind of sense. 2
ThatMan Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) For starters, you should listen to Janesays message to manage anger in general with or without PMS. Whenever we go through a rotten day, which we all have, we need to hold ourselves to one simple standard: If it isn't okay to speak to a boss like this, then it probably isn't okay to speak with a spouse like this. You also need to figure out that it's okay to such strong emotions. But there are many ways to handle them. You clearly know that you are bleeding and have strong emotions. Whenever you know that your likely to lash out then remove yourself. It's perfectly acceptable to take a break and walk away until you can get a better handle on your behavior. It's absolutely a good idea to ask to be left alone. Edited February 4, 2014 by ThatMan phone
mukkrakker Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Quit acting so horrible and blaming PMS. Wow, I'm shocked. Women dissing women for PMS! I think if you don't have bad PMS you can't relate to what some women can go through. It can debilitating, mood altering. Hey, but what do I know...
Fluttershy Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 PMS actually occurs as by its name Before you start bleeding. It is hormonal related and some women feel it a lot worse Crankiness during is usually related to losing blood (some women lose so much the should be taking supplements or paying attention tow hat food they are eating.. Specially if they don't have red meat in their diet) and for soem women extreme pain. And the whole unfairness of it all, lol. That established, if you suffer from PMS, you are still in charge of your actions. Using it as an excause to be a bit itchy person is wrong. You grow up and don't let it control you. If yoi really seem to lose control then you may have a medical problem or an imbalance and should look into that. There maybe an underlying hormone problem. Like how some women on Birth control have reported rage or other non characteristic symptoms. This all being said, there are some people who like to poke the bear and provoke. If your boyfriend is one of these he really should grow up.
lollipopspot Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I don't experience any difference psychologically with menstruation, but some people do. Like, some women after they give birth have hormone fluctuations that cause severe depression or mood swings, and other women are fine. You seem to be very affected by your hormone fluctuations. OP, if the feelings are too strong to manage on your own, then you probably want to see a doctor. There's no reason you should be "irrational" every month. It's not good for you personally, and it's kind of negative for women in general when a woman says that she's irrational every month because of her period. Some idiots generalize that to all women, and that's not the case. Find a way to deal with this!
Janesays Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Wow, I'm shocked. Women dissing women for PMS! I think if you don't have bad PMS you can't relate to what some women can go through. It can debilitating, mood altering. Hey, but what do I know... I call BS. I get pretty hormonal before my period starts too. In fact, when I was in high school, I got SO hormonal that I burst into tears and threw a book at my teacher. Did my PMS excuse get me out of trouble then? OH HECK NO. I was sat down and got a very rude awakening. I could have been charged with assault, but by the grace of God (and my otherwise clean record), they let me go with WEEKS of detention. They didn't allow me to excuse my behavior. I sat in detention and learned a very important life lesson: NO ONE GIVES A CRAP ABOUT YOUR HORMONES. You learn to control yourself or you pay the price. This could mean a losing your job, losing a friend, losing a romantic relationship, WHATEVER. But that price will still be paid. If OP is having a hard time, she needs to see a DR and talk to him about meds to help her out. Or she needs to get some self help books and practice coping mechanisms. Or she needs to see a therapist and do some heavy duty behavior modification. But, bottom line is, this is HER issue to fix. She DOES NOT get to fly off the handle and torture people around her and expect them all to be 'understanding.' They won't. They shouldn't HAVE to. That's not how the real world works. She needs to accept responsibility for her behavior or she needs to suffer the consequences. Period.
regine_phalange Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I can relate. This is a picture of me PMSing.
pteromom Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 You don't have control over your emotions. Yes, PMS can make you irritable, bitchy, and emotional. But you DO have control over you behavior. Just because you are feeling irritable doesn't give you the right to hurt other people. So maybe you can tell him that when you are PMSing, you may just need some time alone, and then negotiate a way to get away if you are feeling PMSy in the future. 1
regine_phalange Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 By the way, I usually "solve" this problem by isolating myself a bit for a couple of days and trying to keep things light (no drama movies, discussing relationships, listening to others' small problems). Careful about what you eat as well , leave salt, sugar, coffee, and tea aside. Nutrition can really help. 1
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