Heartbroken12416 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Hi Everybody. I came here for a while to deal with the breakup of my 3 year relationship with my ex-fiance. I was going through a really rough time but a couple months later, I ended up finding a great guy (or so I thought) and we ended up getting together. February 14th would be our 2 month anniversary, so needless to say we weren't together too long. Well this past Saturday night, I wasn't feeling too good so I went to bed early around 8:00pm. Around 8:30pm, he came in and was cuddling with me telling me how much he loved me, that he was sorry I wasn't feeling good, etc... but I was really out of it so I ended up passing back out. Around 11:00pm I woke up to find that he wasn't in bed. I wasn't concerned right away but became very concerned when I looked around the house and could not find him. I started to freak out but figured that maybe he went to his parents house for the night considering they live right down the street from us. So I went back to sleep and hoped he would come back the next day. So the next day, I wake up and go about my usual business but there was still no sign of him at 10:00am. At this point I grew very concerned and called 911 to report him missing since this was very unlike him. So a police officer came over and took my report and said they would start the search. About 45 minutes later, the cop called me and told me that he had found him and that he was fine but he said he "spent the night with somebody else". When I asked who, he wouldn't give me the exact name but he said "I don't want to get involved in a domestic dispute, but you can probably connect the dots". He was going through issues with his ex-wife for the couple months we were together but as of late, she really turned around and started acting better and whatnot..... so needless to say, I assume he went back to her . He didn't come back to my house at all yesterday nor did I hear from him through a phone call or text. The weird thing is though, is that ALL of his stuff is still here. All he left with is the clothes on his back and the shoes on his feet. His computer, his playstation, his dress uniform (he was in the army), everything is still here.....so I assume I will here from him at some point, but I don't know when . The only other things he left at my house was his phone which he password protected (which he had NEVER in the 2 months we were together did he do that) and the extra car key. It hurts so much to know that he essentially took the "easy way out". He left me while I was sleeping so he didn't have to have confrontation or anything. And what hurts the most is the fact that what happened with my ex-fiance, I told him all about and told him to please not hurt me like that. He said he wouldn't ever dream of doing that. I had my guard up for a while, but recently I really started letting it down and then he does this to me . I'm heartbroken and completely confused . I know we weren't together long, but I really did love him and REALLY trusted him
Trimmer Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Pack up his stuff and have it delivered to his parents' house. Don't look back. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 A missing person's report? I'm having difficulty with this: had it been a close family member, spouse, elderly person (they can get confused and disorientated) a young child, or someone with an illness/sickness, I could understand... But (just a question) would the Police ramp up a gear to locate a BF simply because you hadn't seen him for 11 hours? You have no connection to this guy other than a relationship which has lasted so far a little under 8 weeks... And then the cop makes a grossly inappropriate comment about where/how the guy was located? None of his business. It would have been sufficient to have said "We have located him and notified him of your concern" He's an adult, not committed to you in any way, so under no obligation to you at all....other than in the emotional sense. And the emotional sense, in this case, cuts no ice whatsoever with the law.... I'm sorry, something here is very odd.... 7
Grumpybutfun Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) So odd..also, who lives with someone after a couple of months? Edited February 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Remove quote and trolling reference 3
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Pack up his stuff and have it delivered to his parents' house. Don't look back. Yeah.. pack it up and get it out of your house.. I'd also bet that he wasn't divorced but separated. You don't need to feel like the backup option to some guy who is only using you.
Iguanna Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Can't you find him at his work or something and talk to him? Something seems bizarre to me as well.
MidwestUSA Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Your three year relationship ended at the end of October, and you're already living with a guy, counting 'monthaversaries'?! Probably best to chalk this up to a learning experience, and take some time to yourself. The whole calling the police thing confuses me as well; police have more important things to do with their resources. I'm surprised they even responded. 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Very odd indeed. You called the police before you called his parents' house or any friends to see if they might know where he was? Also odd that he would leave his phone. How did the police know where to find him, if you didn't, in only 45 minutes?
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Actually, it may not have been all that difficult.... The police have access to places we don't.... They can look up the name on the vehicle registration databank... if he had a car in is name, it could have been registered to an address.... find that address, you pretty much find the named party. That's why we always steal cars, but don't keep them for more than a week. That was a joke. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Exactly. As I said in my first post, I don't actually think this is normal at all. My second post merely addressed the issue of how difficult/easy someone is for the police to find, using preliminary tactics. But the situation just sounds a little far-fetched to me, and something here just doesn't sound right.
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Thank you for the responses. I'm going to try to answer everybody's questions the best that I can.... **PLEASE BE AWARE THIS THREAD IS NOT A JOKE** He left his phone?! Very strange... Yes I agree. When I woke up and found him to not be in the house, the first thing I did was text him....but then I heard his phone go off and realized that it was sitting on the counter with the extra car key right next to it. I also noticed that it was password protected and like I mentioned, that was very strange as in the 2 months we were together, he NEVER had his phone password protected. A missing person's report? I'm having difficulty with this: had it been a close family member, spouse, elderly person (they can get confused and disorientated) a young child, or someone with an illness/sickness, I could understand... But (just a question) would the Police ramp up a gear to locate a BF simply because you hadn't seen him for 11 hours? You have no connection to this guy other than a relationship which has lasted so far a little under 8 weeks... And then the cop makes a grossly inappropriate comment about where/how the guy was located? None of his business. It would have been sufficient to have said "We have located him and notified him of your concern" He's an adult, not committed to you in any way, so under no obligation to you at all....other than in the emotional sense. And the emotional sense, in this case, cuts no ice whatsoever with the law.... I'm sorry, something here is very odd.... Yea I can see where you are coming from in thinking that this is all strange. The only reason I called the police is because I wasn't sure if he was safe. His two boys were visiting with him this past weekend and both him and his boys were gone and I just wanted to make sure that he and the boys were safe and not lying in a ditch somewhere. The cop did come and take the report and according to him when he called me back to give me the update, he contacted his parents and his mom gave the cop the number he could be reached at. So the cop called the number and did in fact reach him and he apparently told the cop that he spent the night with somebody else but wouldn't say who. The reason that I believe it is his ex-wife is because to make this story more complicated, his ex-wife got an order of protection on him and he is not allowed within 500 feet of her. The cop apparently said that if he was with his ex-wife, he was violating terms of the OoP and I guess he replied with just an "mmhmm" and the phone call ended shortly afterwards. Like I mentioned in my original thread, his ex-wife started acting more mature, she said she was willing to drop the OoP and whatnot and the phone call where she mentioned all of what she was willing to do was the day before he left.... So odd..also, who lives with someone after a couple of months? Sniffing under the bridge, G I can understand you being skeptical. We knew each other for a few months before getting together. We did the friendship thing for a little while and then we tried the relationship but when his ex-wife found out that he was seeing me, she kicked him out of the house. He was living with her for the holiday season to be with their boys for Christmas. He was planning on heading back after the holidays but since we were trying out the relationship, he asked if he could come live with me and I agreed. I know now that was a BIG mistake. Yeah.. pack it up and get it out of your house.. I'd also bet that he wasn't divorced but separated. You don't need to feel like the backup option to some guy who is only using you. Thank you. Yes they were legally separated but not officially divorced yet. Your three year relationship ended at the end of October, and you're already living with a guy, counting 'monthaversaries'?! Probably best to chalk this up to a learning experience, and take some time to yourself. The whole calling the police thing confuses me as well; police have more important things to do with their resources. I'm surprised they even responded. Yes I agree that it was a BIG mistake having him come to live with me. I definitely learned my lesson on that one. The cops responded because I mentioned that he had his kids with him and that I wanted to make sure that they were safe. Can't you find him at his work or something and talk to him? Something seems bizarre to me as well. He doesn't work. He was in the army and is disabled. He left his phone here and apparently has another phone that he's using (since the police officer contacted him) but I don't know what it is and the police officer wouldn't give it to me. The only thing I have is the Verizon records since we were on a family plan with our phones so I could see numbers he was calling and/or texting before he left. I called and texted on the of numbers that he was corresponding with minutes before he left, but I never heard back. Very odd indeed. You called the police before you called his parents' house or any friends to see if they might know where he was? Also odd that he would leave his phone. How did the police know where to find him, if you didn't, in only 45 minutes? I didn't have any numbers that I knew who they belonged to. Like I mentioned above, I did get a couple numbers from the Verizon records and I called and texted the number but I didn't get any response. The cop called his parents house (I don't know if it was a different number or if maybe the number I called and texted was his parents number and they responded to the cops call and not mine) and reached her and she gave the cop the number to reach him, so he called that number and he answered the phone. Actually, it may not have been all that difficult.... The police have access to places we don't.... They can look up the name on the vehicle registration databank... if he had a car in is name, it could have been registered to an address.... find that address, you pretty much find the named party. That's why we always steal cars, but don't keep them for more than a week. That was a joke. He actually didn't have a car however I guess they found him by calling his parents. Like I mentioned above, he didn't tell the cops who he was with however I do believe it is his ex-wife considering if it wasn't, he would have said who he was staying with. Because his wife has an order of protection on him and he can't be within 500 feet of her, he didn't say who he was with and just responded with an "mmhmm" when the cop said if he was with her, he was violating the OoP. I just find it very strange that he leaves me while I was sleeping considering the fact that everything between us was going great. Maybe we weren't together for very long, but I believe we were doing great!. He was always saying how much he loved me and texting me that and whatnot. Even when he woke me up before he left, he was saying how much he loved me and felt bad that I wasn't feeling good and whatnot....and then a half hour later, he was gone and I haven't heard from him since. After looking at Verizon records, I found out that his ex-wife called him shortly after he woke me up and they were talking on the phone for a half hour. Then after they ended the phone call, he was texting somebody for about a half hour after that, and then the texts stopped at around 9:30pm and I found his phone sitting on the counter around 11:00pm. Like I mentioned, EVERYTHING (besides his phone and the extra car key) of his is still here. All he left with was the clothes on his back and left his phone and the extra car key on the counter. Even I'm sitting here thinking something isn't adding up.... I mean, other things are easy to replace such as his computer and playstation....but his dress uniform is still hanging in my bedroom closet. He is very particular about that!. When he was kicked out of his ex-wife's house, he made if very evident that his dress uniform was to be given to him. The fact that he left that here if he wasn't planning on coming back is very strange.... He still has that we are in a relationship on facebook but that could just mean that he hasn't been able to log on to change it....idk. I'm just so confused. Even though we were only together for 2 months, I still feel that I deserve an explanation. I expect that I will hear from him at some point, but I don't know when. He's probably giving me the chance to "calm down" before he tries to reach me. It just hurts so much because he knew what my ex-fiance did to me and how much he "burned" me. He promised me that he would never even dream of hurting me or leaving me.....and now he's gone
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Yes, but why would the police file a report after a few hours and then tell her they had found him with another woman? Most police wouldn't file a report until after 24 hours, and only if it was clearly out of the norm. If this guy was only dating her for 2 months and then disapeared, plus having an ex wife in the picture the cops would have probably told her to stop wasting their time... in my opinion. Exactly. As I said in my first post, I don't actually think this is normal at all. My second post merely addressed the issue of how difficult/easy someone is for the police to find, using preliminary tactics. But the situation just sounds a little far-fetched to me, and something here just doesn't sound right. I honestly don't know what else to put. Everything I have put in this thread is exactly what has happened. This thread is not fake....
Iguanna Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 That's why we always steal cars, but don't keep them for more than a week. That was a joke. You got me for two seconds there In my country the police doesn't search for someone if they are an adult until 48 hours have passed. They only search immediately for minors.
skywriter Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 So, what do you think you should do about this?
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) how did you get a hold of HIS Verizon records? No offense here, but I can kind of understand why he went back to his ex.... I thought I put this but I guess not.... I got his verizon records because we are on a shared plan. You can get records of calls and/or texts online from any phone if they are on a plan with you. Edited February 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Reference to deleted content redacted
Author Heartbroken12416 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) And I'm sorry, but I'm coming here looking for advice. Saying that you can understand why he went back to his ex is not helping. And all because I looked at his Verizon records?. Well lets think about it....my boyfriend of 2 months (yes only 2 months I get it!) goes missing a couple nights ago and I haven't heard from him since. I think looking at Verizon records seeing who he may have been calling or texting is not that bad.... Edited February 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Well, it really doesn't matter what he's done, in the sense that you can't change it, affect it or influence him it seems. So to repeat the question, what can you do now, for yourself, to get past this?
MidwestUSA Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Having to snoop someone's phone records when you haven't quite been with them two months is just a sign that things are going to get worse. His ex has an order of protection against him? I'm assuming you know the reason behind this (and not just his version). Bottom line, however, you're not over your breakup - it was at the end of OCTOBER! And now you're living with a guy and sharing a phone plan? You are moving way too fast, and trust issues are going to pop up even in you met Mr upstanding perfect citizen. 3
William Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Having seen a number of references to trolling as well as having removed a previously banned member and their posts from this thread, I'll remind members that public trolling admonitions are sanctionable and to those members they are directed at to advise moderation instead of retorting to such comments. Now, if there's further work to be done on the topic, proceed with that. Thanks!
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