sadpanda87 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 hi all... back to LS after 6 months long story short, broke up with ex of 5 years around 18 months ago... it was very, very bad for me. i've been slowly getting better, you know, not missing her everyday, able to get on with normal life etc. had um, 2 short relationships (you could almost even call them rebound i guess) since then. few weeks ago i saw something that reminded me of what we used to do very often, it was something quite special between us. ever since then i've been missing her like crazy. almost as bad as when we first broke up. it's gotten to the point that it's affecting my health and also my focus at work and i can almost feel a slight depression setting in. i'm really, really scared. i thought i was over this. i've moved to a new city to start a new job, cant really afford to fall apart now... i was just getting my life back on track. it's taking everything i've got to keep myself from contacting her. the hollow feeling is back, almost border lining despair. why am i not over this? how much longer do i need to suffer? are relapses like this common? please help...
Arieswoman Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Hi Sad Panda, I am sorry you are feeling bad about your break-up. There is no specific time that people need to grieve and heal and you must go at your own pace. If you are away from the area where the relationship took place it will be much easier to move forward. May I suggest you engage in some counselling to see if there are any factors specific to your break-up that you feel are a hindrance to your healing? Good Luck
skydiveaddict Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 the hollow feeling is back, almost border lining despair. why am i not over this? how much longer do i need to suffer? are relapses like this common? please help... It took me a long time to get over it. Sometimes you just have to gut it out.
RDawg Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Argh that's horrible. My sympathy man. I agree that you should try seeing a therapist if possible. When last did you speak to your ex? Is she in a new relationship? 18 months is a long time to still be suffering like this. I would try reaching out to her if circumstances allow it.
Mr Scorpio Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 The hollow feeling is back, almost border lining despair. why am i not over this? how much longer do i need to suffer? are relapses like this common? Yes, relapses like that are common. You don't need to suffer a minute longer. You aren't over this because 1) you still have feelings for her and 2) you are allowing yourself to think about her. Be conscious of your thoughts. When your mind drifts to whatever that memory was, pull your mind back into the here and now. Also, make sure you are getting plenty of exercise and eating healthy. 3
jphcbpa Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 could be some residual pain that needs to be healed. it may not even have to do with her. it could be pain from years ago, your childhood even. the best way is to lean into it, feel it, process it, write about it, pray about it, talk it ect.
Author sadpanda87 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 thanks for the support all. feeling slightly better this morning... i've been trying to figure it out all night, if i had to describe it it feels like someone opened the floodgates on things i've buried. maybe i just need to keep it open until it runs out, maybe i've been subconsciously suppressing them instead of letting go.
flightplan Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Panda, I've been there and experienced what you're going through many years ago. Trust me, it's temporary. There's nothing wrong with you. The trick for me was to make a conscious effort of moving forward and focusing on the life I wanted to create. I had a similar moment, thought I crashed and burned but I regained my footing and kept focusing on the desired future. It'll run it's course, just hang in there.
tutrevealed Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Firstly, I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. Secondly, I would recommend working on your inner self...ask yourself why you feel this attachment to her and is it possible to connect with someone else at that level. You cannot tell me that EVERYTHING in your relationship was GREAT. I am sure there were negative things about it...hence why you're not together any more. Is it 'her' you're missing? or is it the 'companionship' you're missing? Sometimes you have to take the Rose colored glasses off and see things for what they are (or were) and not what we wanted (or thought) they were. try focusing your mind on finding the right one instead of wasting energy on what use to be. 1
SadNLonley Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Firstly, Is it 'her' you're missing? or is it the 'companionship' you're missing? How do you figure that out? Im wondering the same thing about my relationship. Do I love him? Most definitely. Do I miss him? Our talks? Our texts? Having him next to me in bed? Him being the first and last thought of my day? Yes Yes Yes. How do you know? Is it just when you find someone else to see if all these feelings just go away?
Author sadpanda87 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Is it 'her' you're missing? or is it the 'companionship' you're missing? Sometimes you have to take the Rose colored glasses off and see things for what they are (or were) and not what we wanted (or thought) they were. very good advise, i will definitely try. the worst part is she was also my best friend, so a lot of my hobbies / routines involved her. it gets tough. How do you know? Is it just when you find someone else to see if all these feelings just go away? i would love to know as well... but if it's rebound relationships you are talking about, they are at most distractions... they dont do much good in the long run. but i guess i feel more lonely than before, because as previously mentioned im at a new city with a new job. have virtually no friends here and since work is busy i have very limited time to expand my social circle. (i took up a consulting role, have to work weekends from time to time and daily work hours is usually 10-12)
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