KissMyTiara Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 I saw my doctor yesterday. My cervix is perfectly healthy.
Barby Posted January 15, 2005 Posted January 15, 2005 Good I'm glad to hear that! How are things with your "MM"
Author KissMyTiara Posted January 15, 2005 Author Posted January 15, 2005 Unfortunately, they are pretty damn good. He has been so incredibly kind, supportive, compassionate, etc. lately (leading up to yesterday afternoon's appointment). I hate that he knows exactly what I need from him and when, and that he follows through and gives me what I need when I need it...makes me have unrealistic hopes.
fanou22 Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 I am glad too that everything is ok. Hopefully things between you and MM will get better no matter what direction you chose to go
curly Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 KMT - I'm very happy for you. I went through the very same thing about 2 yrs. ago. Very painful. Glad to hear your healthy. I have been following your posts and feel like we're similar in that we've been in the MM situation for about the same time (since May 2004). How is the situation? I am a week into NC and it's like walking through fire but I'm getting though somehow. LOTS of support. I actually took some frequent flier miles & flew away to spend some time with one of my best gal pals. It's helping (& BTW she's not very sympathetic to my situation) but even still, it has put some distance. By your post "Unfortanately, he has been supportive..." sounds like you resent the support. I picture myself in that situation. I picture that I would relish and appreciate the support but at the end of the night (which always comes in the OW life) I would be f*cking pissed when the supoort had to go home. Not in my bed...... but home....... It's the hardest thing to send them back isn't it? Some nights you can hardly breathe & then others.... f*cking go home to your wife, screw you!!!! Anyway, I've felt a connection / similarity to you. I hope you are doing well. And just wondering where your emotions are?
izzybelle Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 kmt- i'm so happy that you're healthy and that this crisis has been averted! i'm also glad to hear that your MM has been supportive through all of it. it's not something anyone should have to go through alone. sometimes we spend so much time here talking about all of the "bad" things about relationships with MMs that we forget that there are reasons that we stay with them even when we know it's in our best interest not to. and i'm glad that he was able to be there for you he could have just distanced himself. but i understand your statement of "unfortunately" because if would be easier to walk away if he'd behaved like a jerk about the whole thing! but curly's right... it's hard to know that our "support system" can't be there as much as we'd like, or in many cases, as much as we'd like. and i know for my MM it was hard for him, at times, to know that he couldn't be there for me as much as he wanted to be. curly, hang in there. and i'm sorry that your friend hasn't been very supportive to you for what you're going through. many don't understand because all they see is the "surface." and, i found it difficult to talk to many of my friends about it all, since i knew they would pass judgement on whether or not it should have happened in the first place. they don't know, and don't want to know, what lies so deeply under the surface for many of us who have fallen in love with someone we perhaps shouldn't have. people get so caught up in the "what did you expect" "didn't you know it was wrong" "what were you thinking" syndrome that they don't see the emotions and love that fuels the situation. and ultimately, don't understand the pain when it ends. because it's a "forbidden" relationship they see it differently and somehow assume that that difference means that somehow we don't hurt, or have the right to hurt when things end. to both of you. take care of yourselves, physically and emotionally! izzy
Author KissMyTiara Posted January 16, 2005 Author Posted January 16, 2005 Originally posted by curly By your post "Unfortanately, he has been supportive..." sounds like you resent the support. I picture myself in that situation. I picture that I would relish and appreciate the support but at the end of the night (which always comes in the OW life) I would be f*cking pissed when the supoort had to go home. Not in my bed...... but home....... It's the hardest thing to send them back isn't it? Some nights you can hardly breathe & then others.... f*cking go home to your wife, screw you!!!! Anyway, I've felt a connection / similarity to you. I hope you are doing well. And just wondering where your emotions are? Hello ladies... No, I don't resent the support at all. It's just that it would be a lot easier to pull farther away from him had he avoided me during my crisis or otherwise been an a$$. His support through all of it was just...amazing. Not really what I expected from him. And I don't even mean from him specifically, but from any macho man, ya know? He was very compassionate, very caring, soft, endearing, sweet, etc. I felt like he was actually holding me tighter when we'd see each other, and he was calling more often, as if he was afraid he was going to eventually lose me to the worst thing imaginable. I had somewhat expected my "girly problem" to freak him out or something...like TMI, don't wanna know, just tell him what I know when it's all over. But he was right there...constantly asking what specifically the doctors were telling me re: next steps/test/statistics/etc, telling me that everything would be ok, that I was a tough cookie, but yet he understood my fear...etc., etc. He seemed to be telling me all of that not so much to make me feel better, but to convince himself that I was going to be ok. Truth is, despite the fact that we have only been seeing each other since last May, we have been there for each other through several different crises - work, family, deaths, health, trials, etc. He's been there for me more than any other, and I for him. I'm the first person he calls when something good or bad happens and he wants or needs to share the news, and he's the first person I call when the same happens. I honestly don't know who I would turn to if he disappeared from my life. I do have a support system outside of him, of course, but he's the only one who ever really, truly makes me feel better. Just the sight of his name on my caller ID makes my day. So, Curly, no, actually, I haven't ever sent him away thinking "f*cking go home to your wife, screw you!!!!"...rather, I'm always so sad, pleading in my heart for him to stay. But of course, he never can. He's planning a work-related trip around my calendar so that I can tag along with him...I'm really hoping the scheduling works out, but we are both ridiculously busy these days.
StillHurtin Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 KMT, I am glad that you are healthy and that he was there to support you. However, it still saddens me that you are still w/ him and can't seem to let him go. I know this may not make sense but I feel sorry for both you and his W. He wont leave her to be w/ you and so you have to share him w/ her and I know how hard that must be when you love him so. I feel sorry for the W b/c she is staying w/ him when he is screwing around on her. Why doesn't she leave him? I can't understand it. If my H was still having an A I would be kicking his butt to the curb. His W must have some issues why she stays w/ him. Maybe she stays w/ him to make your life he!!???? I don't know. It is just a sad situation.
Author KissMyTiara Posted January 16, 2005 Author Posted January 16, 2005 I don't think she has any idea whatsoever, other than maybe just a weird feeling. As I've said many times, our time together doesn't affect time spent at home with her and the kids. Really, the only thing that suffers as a result of our affair is his career/billable hours. And me, of course.
StillHurtin Posted January 16, 2005 Posted January 16, 2005 Oh, for some reason I thought she knew he was having an A. How do you do KMT? How do you not just want to end it b/c of the pain of not having him tears you apart? I have been there and I didn't like it. It was hard knowing I couldn't be w/ him all the time b/c he was away seeing his GF. IT isn't an easy thing to go through.
fanou22 Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 KMT, Do you know whether he passed it to you from his W or from OOW? One day she is going to find out about it after she has her tests done. Hopefully, it will not be too late for her to make sure all is well. StillHurtin, We all come into the end of the affair on our own terms. Some of us stay longer than others. In KMT's case (no offense to you KMT), she will stay as long as the W does not know about the A. Should the W find out one day, her MM will be forced to end the relationship only to come back when the dust settles in at home. How long will she do it? We all hope that she cuts her losses short and deal with the pain now before later. The longer she stays, she greater the pain will be at the end. KMT, None of us can tell you what to do and what not to. You had found the ideal man in your MM and that is totally understandable. All OWs find the ideal man in their MM. Weird twist of fate, right? It is up to you what action you decide to take. Isn't amazing that they are there when you really need someone? I often wondered how my relationship with xMM would have been had he been single. Unfortunately, no images come to my mind (except for the great sex) which made the end a little bit easier. I went through some rough times and xMM was there to bring that ray of sunshine. I do greatly appreciate him being here for me though it was over. I keep on telling myself that I am not going back. His presence has the ulterior motive of drawing back into the relationship. Luckily, it will not be happening. We are starting to drift apart slowly. Anyway, this thread is about you KMT. We will be here for you in sorrow and happiness whenever you need us.
kiababy Posted January 22, 2005 Posted January 22, 2005 Hey Kissy - I just caught the tail end of this thread - glad you're o.k.!!!!!
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