keeptryingormoveon Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) She was my close friend before relationship. Known her for at least 8+ years and we became close friends. Just wondering if we will ever get back the friendship we use to have. Just want your thoughts and opinions. Here's my back story now that I'm in a less emotional state and have a better picture (realize mistakes) of our relationship and breakup: Known her since elementary school but got reconnected through a friend in high school. Known her for at least 8+ years and became close friend. We worked together on the weekend shift for 6+ years. We developed feelings around April 2012 but I stated we couldn't be together because she was my friend's ex. We chased each other really hard and it became more of Summer and Tom relationship (500 days of Summer). We kept seeing each other but nothing was official. We were happy. July and August 2013, she became more distant toward me and pushed me away. She didn't want to tell me whats wrong until I forced it out that she wanted to be just friends. I tried being friends, I begged and pleaded. I did everything I wasn't suppose to do. Beginning of October, she decided to give us another chance. I went too fast, I initiated everything and put her on the pedestal. I thought she was my gf but she wasn't quite sure I was her bf. She decided to end it at the end of November the day after my birthday because she doesn't want a relationship right now. She tried and it didn't work out. I begged and pleaded again, I didn't want to believe it was over. I saw her at work and it kept hurting, until I decided I had enough and changed my shift so I would only see her on Monday. It's been 2 months since breakup, 1.5 months No Contact, and have not seen her in a month. I have no social media accounts so that made it easier. I found out today through co-worker, she found another job and is quitting. Next week is her last and it hit me hard. Reality is setting in that I won't ever get the chance of getting her back. I'm glad we tried it but all the happiness I had from the relationship was not worth the hurt and the lost of my close friendship. Edited February 4, 2014 by keeptryingormoveon
flightplan Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I was best friends with my ex close to 15 years. I won't go into detail,you can read my threads if you like, but we haven't talked in 3 months. It went from every day for years, to nothing, literally overnight. Lesson learned is not to chase them once they've made their decision. Nothing you say is going to change their mind. The best you can do is let it go and focus on another path without them. It's going to hurt for a while but you have to let it go or it'll haunt you for a very long time. Some people enter and exit our lives for a reason. Take what you can from the experience and build a better future. 1
CelticGibson Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Another cautionary tale of why good friends should really think twice about crossing the Rubicon because once crossed, there's no going back to the way things were, no matter how long or how close both parties were as friends. Usually in a romantic situation, one party has more power over the other and this causes an imbalance that simply does not exist when as friends. This imbalance is where the whole thing falls asunder and when the one with the most power ends it, they effectively end the friendship too. Sorry op but you have to learn from this and let it go. Once the decision is made, it's made....
Author keeptryingormoveon Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) I can live my life without her, but I don't want to live it without her as my friend. I know my friendship ended as of now, but as we both move on from this, I want to know if our friendship will ever be the same in the future? Is it likely we ever get back the close friendship we had? Edited February 4, 2014 by keeptryingormoveon
CelticGibson Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Maybe in a far distant future you might get back to what you had before. Right now? No. If you BOTH value the friendship then you BOTH must come to the decision to walk away until you BOTH accept that friendship is all you BOTH need...
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 It's highly unlikely that the close friendship will return. When you became romantic you changed the dynamic. It's hard to change it back. The feelings of loss -- for both the romance & the friendship -- will subside. As you both move on, the new people in your lives probably won't be thrilled if you are still friends with your EX so the relationship has potential to cause other problems Spend some time apart & see how you feel in 6 months to a year.
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