Author excusememister Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Seaviews; you are right - Sounds to me he is afraid of losing everything - this may very well be the true source of his remorse! The night I discovered everything, he started crying, begging and kept saying,"I can't believe how I have lost everything" He's not sorry about what he's done - he's sorry he got caught 3
proseandpassion Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Wow, this man sickens me. I am so glad you're going for the D. He sounds like a complete lying snake. 2
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Seaviews; you are right - Sounds to me he is afraid of losing everything - this may very well be the true source of his remorse! The night I discovered everything, he started crying, begging and kept saying,"I can't believe how I have lost everything" He's not sorry about what he's done - he's sorry he got caught Have you and this OW spoken? If not maybe give it some thought to talk to her? She probably is hurting as much as you are and who knows, maybe each of you could help one another through this. Have to say, this situation is like right out of a movie. Take care of you, please rely on good friends and family to help you cope, even seek counselling - He's done a bad number on you and NONE of this is your fault. 1
Trimmer Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I think the proper term would be psychopath, but its a moot point. It's not possible nor useful to try to diagnose someone NO ONE HERE has met, using a web based list of behaviours, and checking off those that fit and passing over those that do not. For example, one source mentions that to BE a sociopath one had to have experienced some issues by age 15. Without this, there is no diagnosis. I agree. And really, do we need to sling a "psychopath" label around his neck to make his behavior seem bad enough to advise the OP to drop him and never look back? I think his behavior speaks for itself.
Author excusememister Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 I called the OW last night. There was no answer and I didn't leave a message. I didn't know what to say. When I first discovered everything back in November, I called her and left a "not so nice voice message". Also, that same day, still seething with rage, anger and hurt, I replied to an email that my WS had sent her saying that she was an ugly chimpanzee (I saw a photo of her) and how I couldn't believe he ruined his marriage over a gorilla. So, I can't imagine that she would be excited to talk to me.
Author excusememister Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 I agree to not being able to place a label around his neck, but he is surely suffering from some personality disorder. I'm looking back on our relationship and starting to question things that I ignored in the past. I hate the place I am in. I hope to find a good IC. I feel so lost and off-balance; nothing makes sense anymore.
cozycottagelg Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I'm confused as to the hostility toward the OW, it sounds like she was lied to as much as you were. 1
Author excusememister Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Cozycottagelg, the hostility toward the OW came from me being hurt and reading affectionate and caring emails where my husband wrote to another women. I was shocked; angry; jealous, going through all kinds of emotions. This happened only hours after discovering the affair. Three months later, I see things differently. 1
oldshirt Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Normally I'm all for getting some digs on on the OW/OM (legal ones of course) and your chimpanzee email made me chuckle. And while she eventually did find out he was married and continued the R, we need to keep in mind she was duped and misled by a conman too. If you decide to really go after him in court, her testimony could be very valuable.
Author excusememister Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Turelovewaits...I did ask him. He says because it was easy; it was convenient; she didn't ask for much in return. I actually have moments when I feel bad for her because he lied to her as well; telling her that he was in a bad marriage; that we slept in separate bedrooms; that we never spoke, when in fact it was a good marriage (ironically); lots of flowers, gifts, date nights, movies, music, doting, compliments, affection... things he showered me with Then by the same measure, she choose to stay in R with him, knowing he was married, even if she believed it was a bad marriage. She's an intelligent adult women; she's a teacher. She has to take some accountability
peaksandvalleys Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 It is frightening; how I have been married to this monster for almost 6 years. The more truths that come out, the scarier it is. I don't even know who he is. I feel like such an idiot. I was so blind Please leave. Read my story. Years not months of the same stuff and when you add children, business, home, family. It just gets worse. Don't accept the double life. 1
Author excusememister Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 (edited) Yes I agree but she had fallen in love by then. She knew about you. It was you who did not know about her. Just because OW had fallen in love doesn't bar her from being accountable. I guess Tina Turner said it best, "What's Love Got To Do With It". She still knew he was married. Maybe he did those things to convince you. I do not know. I do not want to hurt you, but how can he do that sincerely and see someone else? I was thinking if BS knew what MM did for me on valentine's day and spending the afternoon with me, did he do that to her too at night? I really want to know. I agree that he did do all those things to convince me, just as he did OW. That was his motive. He admitted to MC, that he would say things he knew OW wanted to hear so OW would continue with the affair. He's a manipulator. WS and OW live in different states (a 4 hour car ride), so there were no late nights or early mornings when he went to her. Since 2008, they saw each other once a year, with the exception of 2012, when they didn't see each other at all. WS didn't split special days/holidays between me and OW. Since Feb 2005, me and WS have spent EVERY holiday/birthday together. Every Xmas was spent at MIL's from Dec 22 - January 4th. OW's birthday is January 1st, so she hasn't spent a b-day with him since 2004, no NY Eve, no Thanksgiving; nothing I am an intelligent woman, I checked him out by calling him late at night, early morning, no prob. I just thought to myself, no one would put up with that??? do you see where i am coming from? He came to me late at night, early morning, she could have easily found out in all those years, is that you? The majority of their phone conversations happened on Saturdays when I was away from home doing volunteer work or maybe a brief phone call during the week if I was out running errands. I thoroughly checked phone records: there were no late night; early morning phone calls, but there were early morning, late night texts/email, sexting, which I didn't know about. Edited February 6, 2014 by excusememister
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