trying6 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I had a brief affair, had sex one time with him, we sexted most of the time we were together which was like 3 months. I broke it off and have gone NC since. My question is that my sex drive has gone through the roof with my H. I was not like that with. Him before A. Im not complaining but is this normal to have such strong desire to have sex after an A. And in all honesty, i do think of XMM most of time. I dont like the fact that hes always on my mind during sex but he is. Even after NC for five months. help....H does not know about A. It was a huge mistake of course and cant crush him. Would tellng him get OM out of my head durng sex, that is if H would stay
CanJanus Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 If you tell your husband, you won't have to worry about thinking of the OM during sex, because you won't be having any more sex with your husband.
amaysngrace Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Maybe you're dissociating during sex now because it helps you escape the guilt? I don't know if that's right or not but if it were me I'd fantasize rather than face reality. Regardless it sounds like a bad place to be in your head. You're not in an affair anymore but you do realize you're still being deceptive, don't you?
whereamigoing Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 From what I gather it is not at all unusual to have an increased libido following an affair, you've "primed the pump" in a way and some would say you are subconsciously making up for your affair. Fantasizing about him during sex with your husband is only icky because you had an affair with him, women fantasize about all sorts of things during sex that have zero to do with their actual partner. You may want to consider substituting an alternate fantasy or else you run the risk of overly fixating which will cause the memory of the affair to be more exciting than it actually was leading you to an increase risk of relapse. I have a question for you. Is your marriage better now? Definition of better being are you and your husband happier, closer, enjoying the renewed passion?
Scott Thomas Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) As a former BH and a M-OM (both), I think you should confess. In the long run, you'll be better off. If you're fantasizing about the OM while you're having sex with your husband, what's to stop you from restarting the affair if you meet him? Sure, some people might suggest that you don't tell because they like the cowards/deceivers way out, don't think that their spouse deserves the truth or the chance to marry a monogamous person... Besides, a marriage isn't based on lies. Read Violat's thread. Better to confess rather than getting caught. Additionally, confessing after years is a tad cruel, and might even make recovery impossible. So, the best way to stop thinking about the OM is to tell your husband so that he stops you from thinking about the other person. Read the replies you've received in your other thread. Edited February 4, 2014 by Scott Thomas
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