Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 My boyfriend is flying from California in two weeks; and I couldn't be anymore excited. Except for one thing, my weight. I've ALWAYS been very insecure when it comes to it. I've also dealt with rejection in the past from it. I just really hope it won't get in the way. I'm 22, 5'3 and about 220. My boyfriend is 5'9 and only 124 pounds. :/ We FaceTime a lot, and he's never asked for a full body picture. Ive expressed how nervous iam that he won't accept me because I'm overweight, and is response is always he's fell in love with my personality and that my physical appearance doesn't matter to him. I just hope this is true because I don't want to lose him. I wish I could stop thinking negative all the time!
TaylorM91 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I don't think you have to worry, the girl I'm trying to get back is around 200-210 and she's the most beautiful girl I've ever met in every way shape or form. Your boyfriend loves you for you, I'm sure he doesn't mind about your appearance so just relax and try to have a good time with him
justwhoiam Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I'm 22, 5'3 and about 220. My boyfriend is 5'9 and only 124 pounds. I guess you never really told him you are 220 lbs, did you? I understand how uncomfortable that would make you. Don't mislead him saying you're overweight, if you are actually obese. Your BMI is around 39, you can check that online. An overweight person has a BMI up to 29.9. Obesity starts from BMI 30. Obesity is divided into 3 categories: class I, class II and class III. Your BMI indicates that you have class II obesity. Without disclosing too many details, I guess you could just tell him you weigh over 200 lbs, before he comes, so that he won't be totally surprised seeing you. If you want to be comfortable around him, start being comfortable with yourself and don't be afraid to tell him. Maybe you can lose a few pounds before he comes too. Without stressing too much, start exercising every day and cutting on sweets. It can be useful, because you will be able to walk around with him without having to stop every 5 minutes or so. And if your body is more flexible, you'll feel more comfortable around him too. Take care of your skin in these 2 weeks prior to the event, it'll be your best investment! Also, I guess the way you dress can make a difference too. Some clothes accentuate fatty areas, while others accentuate a nice shape/curves. I agree with people saying he will love you for who you are, and not for the way you look, but you want to make a good impression and want him to fall bad for you, don't you? So start planning now 1
FitChick Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 What is FaceTime? Like Skype where he can see you?
WhoreyBull Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I had a bf who said my weight only mattered if it crushed his bones. Trust he loves you, until he shows different.
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I told him I was close to 200 and he didn't seem like he cared. I have really good skin that's the least thing I have to worry. And FaceTime is like skype. 1
justwhoiam Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Then just think of the outfits, where to go, what to do... Good luck!
OnlyHonesty Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend is flying from California in two weeks; and I couldn't be anymore excited. Except for one thing, my weight. I've ALWAYS been very insecure when it comes to it. I've also dealt with rejection in the past from it. I just really hope it won't get in the way. I'm 22, 5'3 and about 220. My boyfriend is 5'9 and only 124 pounds. :/ We FaceTime a lot, and he's never asked for a full body picture. Ive expressed how nervous iam that he won't accept me because I'm overweight, and is response is always he's fell in love with my personality and that my physical appearance doesn't matter to him. I just hope this is true because I don't want to lose him. I wish I could stop thinking negative all the time! Instead of thinking negatively, why don't you take some action instead. Tell him or better yet, show him. This guy is flying over from Canada yet you can't even bring yourself to do face time where he can see your full body? It's either show him before he flys over and place your mind at rest or don't show him, become more anxious to the point that it will spoil the anticipation and excitement and then he will see when he arrives anyway. Only one of those decisions will give you the most options and it's not the one where you just wait until he arrives. I think you should woman up. Edited February 4, 2014 by OnlyHonesty
TheBlingRing14 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I know it's hard to be insecure, so I definitely won't tell you to "get over it." That said, you have disclosed your weight, he has seen you on Facetime, he has seen pictures in general. And he is still flying a long distance to see you. If his words saying he doesn't care doesn't convince you, his commitment to visit should. If it would put your mind at ease, take a full-length shot and post it. Don't call attention to it or make a big deal about it, but just put it out there. I will say something...for the longest time, I had only head shots on my dating profile. I wasn't trying to hide anything, but my best features are on my face, so trying to put my best foot forward, I would try to concentrate on that. This last round of OLD, I have posted a full length shot, and a couple of mid-length ones. Let me tell you, I didn't realize it, but it really does put your mind at ease, knowing you've put yourself out there and aren't hiding anything. Sure, there are probably some shallow pigs out there that pass me up. But, I also feel so much more confident that the guys that ARE interested...they know what they are getting. Of course, I think we will all have that little twinge of self-doubt that maybe even with the pictures, even with the Skype, even with all of that, he/she may be expecting something different. But, that is entirely normal. He seems to like you for you. Have faith in that. 1
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I think iam womaning up if I'm meeting someone for the first time despite my insecurities lol. But thank you all for the positive input, it's very encouraging. <3 He keeps saying he loves me for me so I'm going to try stop being so hard on myself.
clia Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 My boyfriend is flying from California in two weeks; and I couldn't be anymore excited. Except for one thing, my weight. I've ALWAYS been very insecure when it comes to it. I've also dealt with rejection in the past from it. I just really hope it won't get in the way. I'm 22, 5'3 and about 220. My boyfriend is 5'9 and only 124 pounds. :/ We FaceTime a lot, and he's never asked for a full body picture. Ive expressed how nervous iam that he won't accept me because I'm overweight, and is response is always he's fell in love with my personality and that my physical appearance doesn't matter to him. I just hope this is true because I don't want to lose him. I wish I could stop thinking negative all the time! I don't think you have been very up front with him, so no wonder you are nervous. As justwhoiam said, you are not merely just a little overweight -- you are obese. Why haven't you sent him a full body shot? I really think you should send him several full body pictures that show realistically how you look right now without clever camera angles. If he's never seen a full body picture of you and has only seen you through FaceTime and Skype (in short, your face) then he does not know what you look like. Many women have very slim faces yet their bodies are not slim at all. I told him I was close to 200 and he didn't seem like he cared. Many men have no idea how much women weigh or what weight looks like. Saying "close to 200" (which to me indicates you are below 200) and showing "close to 200" through full body pictures are two different things. I know this is really uncomfortable and scary for you to deal with, but it will be vastly more uncomfortable if he shows up to your town and is shocked by your appearance. If he knows up front what you look like, then he has no basis to be upset or bothered when he sees you. You may be pleasantly surprised by his reaction, but I know I would not want to deal with it in person if he is upset. Better him to see the photo and decide not to come.
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I think I'm going to just postpone it. I come here for encouragement and just get told I'm obese. Thanks.
TheBlingRing14 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I think I'm going to just postpone it. I come here for encouragement and just get told I'm obese. Thanks. Now, hold your horses. I am guessing he already has a flight that he has paid for and may not be able to get a refund on, or will at least get charged a cancellation fee of some sort. No, it wasn't right to call you obese. But, it isn't right to bail on him either. Like I said, post a picture. Put the ball in his court. If HE decides to cancel or postpone, it's on him. He should eat the money he'd be out. But, I guarantee you one thing. If you postpone this, don't expect him to hold his breath. A guy can say he's interested only so many times. He is going to get exhausted and tired of feeling like he is constantly having to re-assure you, and the insecurity WILL drive him away. Trust him, believe him, and have faith in yourself and your bond.
Zahara Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 OP, doing Facetime and falling in love over the computer is very much different than when you do it in real time. If I were you, I'd post a picture because 1) you're being upfront 2) you're placing the ball in his court 3) you're saving yourself from a huge What If (as in what if he has a bad reaction -- better now than when he's here) 4) you get to relieve yourself of all this anxiety.
clia Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I think I'm going to just postpone it. I come here for encouragement and just get told I'm obese. Thanks. If you had shown him full body pictures of you, I would be giving you all the encouragement in the world. The problem I'm having is that you haven't honestly shown him what you look like, and the fact that you are here even asking this question shows that you think he might have a problem with it. He is flying to see you without having all of the information. Again, I know you are insecure about your weight, but hiding it from him and waiting until he gets off the plane to see you is not the way to handle it. Do you have any idea how awkward that would be? Just send him a few pictures of yourself. What is the big deal? Why postpone it? If you believe him that he fell in love with you for your personality and that your physical appearance doesn't matter to him, then sending him a picture should be a complete non-issue.
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I'm the one who's buying his ticket, I'm using my income tax money. But he's so excited he talks about it all the time and I know if I cancel it because I'm afraid he probably would be so disappointmented. I just hope everything he says is true, I was so excited at first now the past few days I've just been crying about it because I feel like he won't want me anymore after he see's me. I know I need to get over it, but I just don't want to get rejected by someone I've grown to really love and care about.
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 let's just try to get one thing straight here.... Are you happy with your weight but worried he won't be, or - are you worried he won't be happy about your weight - because you aren't either?
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 And I've never sent a full body picture because he's never asked, when we were talking about weight he didn't say anything about it either. I honestly don't think he cares if I'm overweight or not. It's more me putting myself down for it now. I want to show him a full length picture but the past few days we've talked about looks not mattering so much I don't want to annoy him anymore about it.
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 let's just try to get one thing straight here.... Are you happy with your weight but worried he won't be, or - are you worried he won't be happy about your weight - because you aren't either? I've never been happy with my weight, but I've never let it get me down like this. In the past I've been rejected for it, but I've also been hit on and told I'm pretty. I guess I just care what he thinks and want him to still want me despite our weight difference.
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 OK: In that case, investigate the 5:2 diet. Google it. I lost 28 lbs in around 6 weeks. I carried on with it until I lost 32 lbs in all.... I stuck to the regime, and made sure I ate 1200 calories 5 days/week, and only 500 on 2 days of the week. Investigate it thoroughly, and see what you think. I refuse to call it a diet. I prefer to call it a regime because it's helped me change my whole outlook on food, diets, and eating healthily without sticking to a stringent and constricting programme. My daughter is also on it and is reporting very positive results. In her opinion, she needs to lose twice the amount I lost.... It's adaptable, flexible and you can work it completely to suit you. If you've always been unhappy, we're here to help. Take whatever works for you and forget the rest. But I mention all of the above in the hope of giving you something positive, not critical. Good luck.
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 OK: In that case, investigate the 5:2 diet. Google it. I lost 28 lbs in around 6 weeks. I carried on with it until I lost 32 lbs in all.... I stuck to the regime, and made sure I ate 1200 calories 5 days/week, and only 500 on 2 days of the week. Investigate it thoroughly, and see what you think. I refuse to call it a diet. I prefer to call it a regime because it's helped me change my whole outlook on food, diets, and eating healthily without sticking to a stringent and constricting programme. My daughter is also on it and is reporting very positive results. In her opinion, she needs to lose twice the amount I lost.... It's adaptable, flexible and you can work it completely to suit you. If you've always been unhappy, we're here to help. Take whatever works for you and forget the rest. But I mention all of the above in the hope of giving you something positive, not critical. Good luck. I went on a diet before and lost 10 pounds in a week from just cutting sodas out. I've done that the past few days just drinking water again. But thank you for your advice I'm going to look into it
justwhoiam Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Many men have no idea how much women weigh or what weight looks like. I disagree with that statement. Most guys have a clear idea about weight. I guess they relate their own weight to women's weight (just like we do after all). He said he's 124 (even underweight!), so he sure knows what around 200 means. I was scared when we met before Christmas, because he had been losing weight all over spring and summer (and not even needing that) and I - instead - had put on weight since last time we had met. And my reasoning was: if I'm aware of it, how could he not be, it's not that he meets me every day not to notice a change... But well, he said I just looked the same. Which could well be, as I could still fit in the same clothes... I mean, it could have been worse than that. I think I'm going to just postpone it. I come here for encouragement and just get told I'm obese. Thanks. Relax. Don't take it as an insult. If someone said you're diabetic, you wouldn't get offended. On the contrary, you'd see your problem socially recognized and cared about. Personally, I'm against my own pictures all over the web, as I tend to be protective of my own privacy. You don't have to prove anyone anything. When you told him you're nearly or around 200 lbs, you gave him the chance to know about that, and that was fair enough. It might have been a problem if he really had no idea and never even saw you. But that's not the case. Although I support the idea of losing weight for your own health and just a few pounds before meeting him, I firmly discourage any do-it-yourself heavy dieting right now. Don't put yourself down. As I said start planning about your outfit, your skin, what to do, where to go... The days before the meeting can be draining and you can think the worst... So keeping one's cool is key!
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Although I support the idea of losing weight for your own health and just a few pounds before meeting him, I firmly discourage any do-it-yourself heavy dieting right now. ... So keeping one's cool is key! I completely agree with the above. Which is why I offered the 5:2 thing. It's quite the different way to approach how we eat, why we eat the way we do, and how to change that, if it's not what we should be doing. Good snippet.... 1
Author Justwaiting2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I disagree with that statement. Most guys have a clear idea about weight. I guess they relate their own weight to women's weight (just like we do after all). He said he's 124 (even underweight!), so he sure knows what around 200 means. I was scared when we met before Christmas, because he had been losing weight all over spring and summer (and not even needing that) and I - instead - had put on weight since last time we had met. And my reasoning was: if I'm aware of it, how could he not be, it's not that he meets me every day not to notice a change... But well, he said I just looked the same. Which could well be, as I could still fit in the same clothes... I mean, it could have been worse than that. Relax. Don't take it as an insult. If someone said you're diabetic, you wouldn't get offended. On the contrary, you'd see your problem socially recognized and cared about. Personally, I'm against my own pictures all over the web, as I tend to be protective of my own privacy. You don't have to prove anyone anything. When you told him you're nearly or around 200 lbs, you gave him the chance to know about that, and that was fair enough. It might have been a problem if he really had no idea and never even saw you. But that's not the case. Although I support the idea of losing weight for your own health and just a few pounds before meeting him, I firmly discourage any do-it-yourself heavy dieting right now. Don't put yourself down. As I said start planning about your outfit, your skin, what to do, where to go... The days before the meeting can be draining and you can think the worst... So keeping one's cool is key! Exactly, I've been upfront about my weight. It's not like I've been trying to hide it from him or try to make myself appear smaller than I am. Once I told him how insecure I was about my weight he could have asked to see a full body picture but he never did. I'm pretty sure he knows what he's getting himself into and if he didn't love me for me he probably would have declined my offer to meet. Reading that made me feel so much better thank you <3 I'm still going to try and make life style changes but so I'll feel better about myself. 1
Blastoplast Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Good call on making lifestyle changes. At your age, and your weight it should be fairly easy to lose weight just by some dietary changes -- and you'll feel better too, not only physically, but emotionally. Start with small changes, but think of the bigger picture. For example, if you drink soda regularly -- cut that out of your diet and replace it with water (not juice or diet soda, drink more water). Try incorporating more fresh vegetables and fruits in your diet, and cut back on snacks. But my two biggest tips would be always eat a nice breakfast, and drink plenty of water during the day. Often times people confuse hunger pangs with your body wanting more water. I've lost 20 pounds in 2 years just from dietary changes: no meat, very little cheese & dairy, very few sugary & fatty snacks and eating AT LEAST 3 servings of vegetables and fruits daily. If I were actually actively exercising, I would be easily the healthiest I've ever been in my life, and I'm nearly 30. Do this for yourself, not for him. You'll look and feel better inside and out. Best of luck, hope I didn't come across as lecturing
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