SMALLTOWNBLUES Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Hey Gang, Haven't been on here in a while. Life started getting better and i'm over my ex for the most part. Dont think about her everyday and no longer care to hear any updates on her life. Haven't spoken to her in months and may see her tonight at a concert but don't even care. I'm writing b/c i've finally met a girl I actually really like. We were acquaintances before and I always thought she was cute. Saw her on OKCupid and then I figured if a cool girl like that was on there, there would be no problem in asking her out. We met up for drinks a couple of times and then we went to a concert and then drinks a couple of nights ago. A conversation ending up being about ex's (but more in a conspiratorial way, not in a "i'm hung up on my ex" way..at least that's what I thought. this girl knows my ex, they briefly worked at the same job). she told me she was looking for someone to casually sleep with and not have to start a relationship but that she was into the idea of a no strings sexual relationship. I actually like this girl enough to want to date her, but if she is just looking for that, then who am i to argue? we go back to my place and proceed to the bedroom and once the clothes come off she changes her tune and gets a little teary eyed and says she has to go, that she's not ready. This has me headscratching cos she was talking a big game earlier but I understand. I like this girl and don't want to be too persistent, she wrote me the next day apologizing and saying she had a good time but we may need to lay off the hooking up for a bit til she's ready. I understand this, but my question is, how do I act if I want to see her or sleep with her again and she seems to be into it but very hesitant. Her last bf cheated on her and lied to her and it ****ed with her head. That was about a month and a half ago. So I totally understand it's soon, but don't really know how to proceed....worried if i'm too distant, it'll just die on the vine and if i'm the only one doing the pursuing, i'll scare her away. Thanks for reading!
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Grit your teeth, but she has to 'lead' on this one. I suspect you're in a 'rebound' position and she was just saying she wanted sex as a way to get over her ex. But realised she couldn't go through with it. Call her and tell her you understand, you like her a lot, you respect her decision and are happy to take it slow and go at her pace. Only do this if the above is true and you can be sincere... Then see what she says. but remember, if her break-up is quite fresh in her mind, you may just be filling a niche....
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Grit your teeth, but she has to 'lead' on this one. I suspect you're in a 'rebound' position and she was just saying she wanted sex as a way to get over her ex. But realised she couldn't go through with it. Call her and tell her you understand, you like her a lot, you respect her decision and are happy to take it slow and go at her pace. Only do this if the above is true and you can be sincere... Then see what she says. but remember, if her break-up is quite fresh in her mind, you may just be filling a niche.... Agreed. It's a difficult position - she wants to be ready, but she isn't. As far as you wanting to see her or sleep with her again, she'll need to set the pace on that. If she's not there yet, she's not there yet. There's really nothing you can do about that. The only thing you can do is follow the above advice. But beware - if she's still in pain over her ex, it's probably not wise to get too involved with her. Not yet, anyway.
Recommended Posts