Winter blue Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Received a magazine in mail yesterday with my name, home address and a customer number on it, I swear I didn't subscribe for it? so I thought it's some sort of marketing strategy these days and decide to call them to cancel whatever that might be first thing this morning. Rang the customer service number just now and was told it was a gift subscription from my ex. I don't know how I feel now:confused: She has been trying to contact me for almost two months. Sending flowers to my work anonymously, which I found out was her through the florist. And now a magazine subscription. It is a magazine both of us liked in the past, I still remember browsing the magazine with her in bed on Sunday mornings.. anyway I really don't know what she is trying to achieve here after six months NC. There was no message attached to the magazine (again just like last time with the flowers), I don't feel like I should contact her to thank her at all. I know she is trying to get me to talk to her, but if I contact her now it feel as though I could be bought by some flowers and a couple of magazines! Why is it so hard for her to say her real intention? Is she play games with me?
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Contact the company and ask if you can re-direct the magazines, then give them her address. Ask them to note on your record that you do not want to receive these magazines. Then the ball will be in her court. If that's not possible, return them to the company marked 'not known at this address'. Pop them back in the mail with no stamp.... After a while, they'll stop sending them.
TylerDurdenn Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Many will disagree with me but I'd call her, this may be her best way of showing emotion? Somehow..
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 If this is her best way, I'd hate to see her worst.... She's just clinging to an element of her past for her own satisfaction. "See, I'm so good to him, I must be a wonderful person to still be thinking of him. I'm sure he will be grateful and hopefully will think well of me'" It can be a guilt-appeasement thing. But whatever her reasons, she shouldn't be doing it. Certainly not without his prior knowledge or agreement.
Author Winter blue Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Contact the company and ask if you can re-direct the magazines, then give them her address. Ask them to note on your record that you do not want to receive these magazines. Then the ball will be in her court. If that's not possible, return them to the company marked 'not known at this address'. Pop them back in the mail with no stamp.... After a while, they'll stop sending them. hmm I thought about that, like letting the company to redirect the magazine to her, but I feel like I'm playing games with her if I do that. On another hand, I do like to read this magazine and wouldn't mind receiving them at all. I have thought it to myself to just treat it as a donation
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 In that case, accept the magazines, but you don't owe her a thing. no thanks, acknowledgement, nothing. If it's her choice to make such a gift, then that's her choice. Don't break NC. 1
Author Winter blue Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Many will disagree with me but I'd call her, this may be her best way of showing emotion? Somehow.. What would I say if I to contact her? What if she just wanting to be friends? I still think it's a lame way of reaching out somewhat.. her best way? sigh I'm disappointed at her now. I agree with Tara that she is likely just releasing her guilt of hurting me and trying to be nice, but sadly it's not good enough.
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Remember: if you contact her, you're the one breaking NC. You implemented it to get over her, so whether she rings, calls, sends you magazines, flowers, a girl-in-a-cake or she herself flounces across your lawn draped in nothing but the stars 'n' stripes - if you respond or react to that - you're caving. Just enjoy the magazines.... what's the theme/topic?
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 As Tara said, either enjoy the magazine and don't acknowledge, or redirect them and don't acknowledge. You're not playing a game by redirecting them, you are being serious. You want no contact, and will do anything to maintain that. This isn't a 'game' or 'negotiation', or 'ploy'. This is what it is. It is No Contact, it is maintained at all costs.
Author Winter blue Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 The magazine is called 'Mindfood', Google it, it's good. And yup I will enjoy the magazines and keep ignoring her Thanks guys. At the back of my mind, I do want to know the reason she keeps contacting me, but I have too much pride to cave in for what she has been doing, I guess to me they are still not sincere enough as compare to how much I was hurt.
strive Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 What exactly do you want from her? What do you want her to do? Because people communicate in different ways. Some people are blunt and like to say things directly, while for some actions speak louder than words. (Out of curiosity, was there a communication problem in your past RS?) To be honest if feels as if she's trying. Aren't flowers and a magazine subscription too much to be mere breadcrumbs? She's being persistent even after the flower incident. I believe she's actually reaching out to you. Or are you waiting for her to move bigger mountains before you consider talking to her. If you want her out of your life, it's fine. Go strict NC. But if you want her back, you'd have to eventually learn to budge a little. I understand you're still hurt about your BU, hence why it's driving you crazy not knowing wth she's up to with all the gifts. But I agree with Tyler. Call her and bluntly ask. Even if it turns out that they really ARE just breadcrumbs and it sets you back to day 1, then at least you're free to pursue a clear path to healing. Stop all this push pull once and for all. Remember while we all believe that dumpers should move mountains or crawl through mud to get a dumpee back, there's a limit to self-respect.
Author Winter blue Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 What exactly do you want from her? What do you want her to do? Because people communicate in different ways. Some people are blunt and like to say things directly, while for some actions speak louder than words. (Out of curiosity, was there a communication problem in your past RS?) To be honest if feels as if she's trying. Aren't flowers and a magazine subscription too much to be mere breadcrumbs? She's being persistent even after the flower incident. I believe she's actually reaching out to you. Or are you waiting for her to move bigger mountains before you consider talking to her. If you want her out of your life, it's fine. Go strict NC. But if you want her back, you'd have to eventually learn to budge a little. I understand you're still hurt about your BU, hence why it's driving you crazy not knowing wth she's up to with all the gifts. But I agree with Tyler. Call her and bluntly ask. Even if it turns out that they really ARE just breadcrumbs and it sets you back to day 1, then at least you're free to pursue a clear path to healing. Stop all this push pull once and for all. Remember while we all believe that dumpers should move mountains or crawl through mud to get a dumpee back, there's a limit to self-respect. Sigh your words make me thinking, I don't know if I'm being too cold to her now. She was my best friend before we got intimate. There wasn't any big communication problem in the RS but she broke up with me because she couldn't let go of her then ex. I was hurt as I felt like I was used as a rebound, how could someone saying she was my best friend treated me that way.. I admit I still miss her, I am not 100% over her yet but I'm stronger than I was months ago, I'm trying to do what's right for me to protect my heart. Only if, only if I can be sure she is serious about getting back with me, I am still too scared to response to her. So far she has not said much except those vague actions/few words here and there. That's why I'm so confused I also just found out this gift subscription was purchased before Christmas, so the flower was actually the most recent incident, but she didn't have the gut to put her name nor a message on it, it does make me thinking if she is playing games here. I appreciate your response though, just give me a different way of looking at it.
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