Drspell12 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Things changed, I was having something casual with this girl. We've been dating for the last two months and she seems really interested on me too. The thing is, we started it by knowing none of us really wanted to be on something serious. We're both recently our of it and both of us still tak to our exes. The thing is, my ex is only in terms of a friend, and her ex is well, wanting her to be with him again. She still feels pain over him and their relationship, and I don't really care about my ex anymore, she knows this. Any advice? Could I have something serious with her?
shinealight Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You happy with her? Chemistry is there? No arguments? You attracted to her? Think to yourself do you see yourself dating this girl in another year or so.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Things changed, I was having something casual with this girl. We've been dating for the last two months and she seems really interested on me too. The thing is, we started it by knowing none of us really wanted to be on something serious. We're both recently our of it and both of us still tak to our exes. The thing is, my ex is only in terms of a friend, and her ex is well, wanting her to be with him again. She still feels pain over him and their relationship, and I don't really care about my ex anymore, she knows this. Any advice? Could I have something serious with her? I'd say at this point, no, something serious isn't possible. You seem to have moved on from your past relationship, but she hasn't yet. She isn't over her ex, so she can't give herself to you. It's still partially with another man. Unless and until she is well and truly over him, she won't be ready for something serious with anyone. The fact that they're in enough contact for you to know he wants her back is a red flag. Sure, she's being honest. But she's still enmeshed with him and what they had. I'd keep things very casual with her, if you decide to move forward with her at all right now. 1
pteromom Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Could I have something serious with her? Not while she is still not finished with her ex. Be honest with her about what you are feeling and see what she says. But first, do some thinking and make sure that you want her for her, not just because you want to win the competition with her ex, or that you are concerned she'll go back to him so it's putting you into fight-mode. 1
Author Drspell12 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 You happy with her? Chemistry is there? No arguments? You attracted to her? Think to yourself do you see yourself dating this girl in another year or so. Yeah, there are lots of chemistry and she is cool. I don't know if I would seriously settle with her (like marrying) but I would definitely give it a try for a relationship
Author Drspell12 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I'd say at this point, no, something serious isn't possible. You seem to have moved on from your past relationship, but she hasn't yet. She isn't over her ex, so she can't give herself to you. It's still partially with another man. Unless and until she is well and truly over him, she won't be ready for something serious with anyone. The fact that they're in enough contact for you to know he wants her back is a red flag. Sure, she's being honest. But she's still enmeshed with him and what they had. I'd keep things very casual with her, if you decide to move forward with her at all right now. Should I wait? Wouldn't that like being a doormat to her? And what if she decides she wants to be with him? Chances are that no, for what I know that relationship made her mistrust men... but, in the other hand, if she stays she is not going to be completely available to "love and feel love", idk
Author Drspell12 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Not while she is still not finished with her ex. Be honest with her about what you are feeling and see what she says. But first, do some thinking and make sure that you want her for her, not just because you want to win the competition with her ex, or that you are concerned she'll go back to him so it's putting you into fight-mode. I think you're right. It also seems to be a fight about my ex. I am sure that I don't want to go back to her, but I feel like if I should show her I am over her. In the case of the girl I am dating it could be the same way with her ex. Maybe this is not going anywhere for any of us.
pteromom Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I am sure that I don't want to go back to her, but I feel like if I should show her I am over her. This tells me that you aren't over her. When you are over her, you won't care what she thinks anymore. Her opinions will be of no consequence. I don't believe you are really ready for something serious yet. Give yourself a little time.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I think you're right. It also seems to be a fight about my ex. I am sure that I don't want to go back to her, but I feel like if I should show her I am over her. In the case of the girl I am dating it could be the same way with her ex. Maybe this is not going anywhere for any of us. Then you aren't ready for something more serious either, to be honest.
deathandtaxes Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 You two are destined to be each others' rebound.
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