espinoza0 Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I am 37, divorced for a 1.5 years and also just broke up on new year's eve with the love of my life. So, I am pretty much devastated. I went on a week long trip to Istanbul to forget about him. But coming back to my home country (a desert ugly country) brings his memories back to me, although he lives in a nearby country. Because I remember every place we had a conversation, including my work place. Anyways, two weeks ago I reconnected with an old acquaintance, he is 5 years older than me. I really really liked him. I was honest with him though and I told him that I just broke up with my boyfriend, and that I was in between things. I am still in touch with my love, but trying to keep a distance, slowly, though it is very hard. Our breakup was rather sudden, and he did not leave me for another love. So he is miserable, and I am heartbroken. Anyways, that's another issue altogether, or maybe it should not be an issue any more. Sigh. We agreed to be friends, because he doesn't want me out of his life, and neither do I. We also do projects together, which is important to me, regardless of our history. I just wished that our breakup would be more gradual. I wish to spend more exclusive time with him as a friend post-break up, to make sure that my feelings are firm in that category,and then move on to free myself to find true love. So again, I am seeing this old acquaintance again on Saturday. He really is wonderful. I have met many guys since the divorce, and he is the second guy I got attracted to, after my love. The other guys were either not so cool, or womanizers, or too preachy. I met a Turkish guy who seems to like me, but goodness, that is another long distance, and he is so busy with his work. I do wish to marry outside my country, but I know that should not be a priority over finding someone with whom you want to make sense out of this life...this seems to be my final decision. But when/how/how much should I let go of my ex-love? He is more my emotional and spiritual and career guide, and I am reserved enough not to engage again in a sexual relationship with him, because he made the decision to break up, so I respect that, also out of love. I am really down tonight. Tears pouring. Not knowing what to do. My history is very simple, one relationship 15 years, then 1.5 years love of my life, then now confused on dating. Not much experience, and I want to stay honest with the new guys, but I know they do not need to be feeling like they are dispensable. Thanks for reading.
Trimmer Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 He made the decision to break up, but he is miserable. Can you explain a little more about why he broke up with you? Especially if you did not want to break up, I think that staying in close, "best friend and spiritual career guide" type of contact is going to be difficult for you emotionally. Should you "let go"? I think you must let go at some point in order to move on with your life, otherwise you will remain stuck. But that may be made much more difficult, as you are fashioning a friendship with him that seems fairly intimate - not in the sexual sense, but friends, projects, spiritual guide, etc. Do you actually work together - was that the "projects" you referred to? In other words, are you essentially forced to associate with him through work, or is it all by choice?
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