moodswingz Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I've kind of come to realize over the past year that my self-esteem has been at an all-time low since my breakup with an ex well over a year ago. I ruined a relationship AFTER him partially due to that issue and partially due to the fact that I jumped into it way too soon. I've been doing online dating for the past couple months and I don't think that has helped either. It's not just the men, though dealing with people on there gets exhausting and depressing sometimes. I've actually met a few nice/cool people and for some reason I'm just like, "Eh." I keep my distance either emotionally or physically and there was one guy recently that I slept with twice and then kicked him out afterward. Such a guy thing to do, and I'm a girl! I felt terrible about it, he was really upset the second time and won't speak to me now. I clearly shouldn't have slept with him in the first place if I couldn't stomach the thought of him staying over. It's this incident in particular that has me appalled at my own behavior and wondering what to do next. I can't figure out if I just haven't met the right person or if I should just lock myself in my house and not date so I don't keep hurting people or leading them on, if I'm just not ready to date yet. I'm a big reader, that's how I deal with and process things. And I know many people on here have gone through bad breakups. What are some books that helped you? My big issues seem to be: a) low self-esteem - I put up with a controlling, overbearing personality for five years. And for a whole year after we broke up, I kept going BACK to see if he had changed. Like 4-5 times. What the hell? b) I feel like I have no idea how to function in a "normal" relationship after being in a toxic, unhealthy, unbalanced one for so long. c) I don't know how to be alone. I'm very uncomfortable without having a man as a safety net. Which is stupid, because I'm really very independent. Makes no sense to me. If I'm in a relationship I don't mind having a lot of alone time (and prefer it) but if I'm not in one, I can't stand being alone with myself all weekend. What the heck? I know self-help books get a bad rap, but they have always helped me process things. I've thought about going to counseling through work but I don't know. The last time I tried that, the counselor told me that if I really felt that strongly about my ex, that I should give it another shot and try to make it work. Everyone else on the face of the earth tells me to run the other direction as quickly as possible, when I tell them about our history and his personality. So I appreciate any book recommendations. I'm going to read "Eat, Pray, Love" again I think. And I've already read "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." Anything else that's helped you guys, please share! Thanks!
Mr me to Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I'm the same with the self help books... Currently reading... The power of now and The journey from abandonment to healing. How to mend a broken heart in 30 days and getting past your break up, how to turn a broken heart into the best thing that ever happened to you are also worth a read.
k10k Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 I'm currently reading Hardwiring Happiness (Rick Hanson), it's pretty good
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