abdellaoue Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 My gf broke up with me for the second time in Nov. 2013. A few weeks before she broke up with me, I lost all my friends, for unknown reasons. I miss her so so much, and I can't stop thinking about her.. We haven't talked in almost a month, but I am dying to talk to her, just to ask her what she's been up to and stuff like that. I don't want to date her again, because most likely she will brake my heart again, but I am still very much in love with her. What should I do? Contact her? Wait for her to contact me again? Please help, thanks
sleeplessinslc Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 My gf broke up with me for the second time in Nov. 2013. A few weeks before she broke up with me, I lost all my friends, for unknown reasons. I miss her so so much, and I can't stop thinking about her.. We haven't talked in almost a month, but I am dying to talk to her, just to ask her what she's been up to and stuff like that. I don't want to date her again, because most likely she will brake my heart again, but I am still very much in love with her. What should I do? Contact her? Wait for her to contact me again? Please help, thanks She broke up with you twice. You want her to break up with you again the third time? She probably thinks about you sometimes, misses you too, but mostly relieved that it's over. So, you, contacting her isn't going to do you- or her- any good. Keep up with the NC. It will be good for you.
Author abdellaoue Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 No, I don't want her to break up with me for the third time. I said in my opening post that I don't want to date her again, but I still love her. NC is so hard though, but is it the best choice? Should I wait for her to contact me? What if she doesn't contact me for two months, three months++?
justwhoiam Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 What if she doesn't contact you ever again? You'll grow stronger. Also, find the root cause for which you lost ALL your friends. How many were they? Were they LD too? Or were they people you'd meet every day?
Author abdellaoue Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I don't think she will never ever contact me again, if I don't contact her. That's what I think at least, but you never know. I just really want to stay in touch with her since she was my first love and I still love her.
OnlyHonesty Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 No, I don't want her to break up with me for the third time. I said in my opening post that I don't want to date her again, but I still love her. NC is so hard though, but is it the best choice? Should I wait for her to contact me? What if she doesn't contact me for two months, three months++? It doesn't matter what you say, your unconscious desires may well have a different idea. The best thing for you is what will cause you quite some pain. Going No contact and moving on is what's best but something tells me you won't do this. If you don't, you will learn eventually. Instead of concerning yourself with her, perhaps it would be better to look within, look to yourself for happiness, not her.
Author abdellaoue Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I haven't contacted her in a month, even though I really want to contact her. But I will not contact her until she contacts me, and I will do my best to move on. Thanks!
OnlyHonesty Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I haven't contacted her in a month, even though I really want to contact her. But I will not contact her until she contacts me, and I will do my best to move on. Thanks! If you will not contact her until she contacts you, then you aren't moving on. It sounds like you are 'waiting' for her to contact you to satisfy the ego and then allow yourself permission to get talking again. It appears you have not yet learned from last time. Ask yourself this (truthfully). If you became friends again and talked a lot, spent time together and things were going really well and then one day she suggested you guys gave it one final try, what would you say to her?
Author abdellaoue Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 If you will not contact her until she contacts you, then you aren't moving on. It sounds like you are 'waiting' for her to contact you to satisfy the ego and then allow yourself permission to get talking again. It appears you have not yet learned from last time. Ask yourself this (truthfully). If you became friends again and talked a lot, spent time together and things were going really well and then one day she suggested you guys gave it one final try, what would you say to her? Didn't really think of it like that.. But thanks. We wouldn't be spending time together physically though.. I live in Europe and she in the US. But this whole NC thing has not worked.. I'm getting more and more depressed for every day that goes by
TMichaels Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 But this whole NC thing has not worked.. I'm getting more and more depressed for every day that goes by Sorry for the way you are feeling, abdellaoue. Why hasn't going "no contact" worked for you? Perhaps it would help if you learned more about what the purpose of going "NC" is really all about. Have a look at this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated#post4510329 Best, TMichaels 1
Author abdellaoue Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I don't know really.. Just feel so alone and empty. I think it wasn't smart of me to date her when I think about it now.. She was way out of my league to be honest. She was gorgeous, perfect smile, beautiful face, and a really nice body. I'm just a redhead that girls don't like.. I have quite some muscle because I have been going to the gym for two years, but I don't see that helping me on getting girls.
OnlyHonesty Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I don't know really.. Just feel so alone and empty. I think it wasn't smart of me to date her when I think about it now.. She was way out of my league to be honest. She was gorgeous, perfect smile, beautiful face, and a really nice body. I'm just a redhead that girls don't like.. I have quite some muscle because I have been going to the gym for two years, but I don't see that helping me on getting girls. There lies the issue, you placed her on a pedistal, you think you don't deserve her and you think she is better than you. It all comes back to self esteem, negative 'programming' and recognizing who you are, what you have to offer and your value. You also relate your own self value by how much or little women find you attractive. I believe that we must value ourselves internally, not by measure of others. This is not an easy thing to do because it goes against many years of practically everyone doing the opposite, especially guys.
Author abdellaoue Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I've had low self esteem as long as i could remember. She gave me some confident because she was the my first real girlfreind, but all that confidence went away when she broke up with me. My self esteem have never been lower really, and I don't know what to do to fix it.
OnlyHonesty Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I've had low self esteem as long as i could remember. She gave me some confident because she was the my first real girlfreind, but all that confidence went away when she broke up with me. My self esteem have never been lower really, and I don't know what to do to fix it. That's a prime example of why self esteem has to come from within, after all it is 'self'. I believe the core of it is accepting yourself, forgiving yourself and treating yourself as best as you can. I think the other aspects are getting to know yourself, improving yourself for yourself and giving yourself the time needed to do so. Other aspects involve learning, growing, expanding your mind, expanding your body, and teaching yourself things. Helping others and treating them as you would wish to be treated is also part of it but you will often find this occurs naturally because with self esteem, you do not wish harm on others and you often desire to help others grow. Internal acceptance and contentment can mean you naturally attempt to pass this on to others. This is how I see it but bear in mind, self esteem and how to improve it is always a very personal thing. I think men in particular become brain washed into measuring their worth by whether they are with a woman or not. This appears to be the trap you've fallen into as well but it's innate with many I'm sure. When you felt more confidant due to this girl, you made the mistake of allowing her to become part of that which should have come from within. When it comes from within, no one can take it away or at least, this girl leaving you would have been much easier to recover from. What happens to the inhabitants of a planet that makes a single person its whole world, when that single person leaves?
Author abdellaoue Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Well when that person leaves, your world collapses and you get depressed. But thank you for that long post. I've been struggling all my life with low self esteem and very little confidence.. I don't know if I can fix it, it seems impossible for me to do something about it, and yes, I have and am trying to fix it, but it's not helping. I am afraid that she will be my only girlfriend for a very very long time. She could start dating whenever she wants (she says she wants to wait to college, she does not like any guys at her school) but college starts in august/september so that is not a long time until that starts. Me on the other hand, does not have that oppertunity. I have no luck when it comes to girls, and I am really struggeling to talk to girls that I find attractive - girls that I don't find attractive and I know I will never want to date on the other hand, I can talk to easily.
Recommended Posts