mysterymissgreeneyes Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Hi everyone, So I was in a serious relationship with a guy for about two years... We ended up moving to France together for some time. But I ended the relationship because of a lack of communication (on his part really) and lying about porn, which made me feel insecure. The insecurity spiraled and I decided that I wanted to be single again to regrow my self-esteem, which I definitely have over the past six months. I don't think that porn itself is the problem, but it hurt that when I'd ask my guy about it, or offer to try watching together, he would lie and tell me he never needed it and that he'd given it up when we'd gotten together, yet I'd always find it on his computer (we shared everything while living in france, so I'm surprised he didn't take enough care to hide the naked picture folders on his dashboard). Eventually he fessed up at the end, when I said I already knew 100% that he was hiding a lot of naked pics from me, and we split. Fast forward about six months... I look completely different; I've changed my long blonde hair to a super unique dark, short look. I love it, and feel confident. I've become more involved in gender-equality activism, have made lots of new friends in the past few months, and even moved into an awesome house with three of them. My ex and I have mutual friends and end up at some of the same events. He still makes an effort to be really sweet to me, and even becomes a bit touchy after some drinks. I was weary about giving us another shot -- I have trust issues because of a very complicated and betraying family -- but it just felt natural to start going out just us two again. And he is the only guy that my mother has been a HUGE fan of--so much so that she took his side when I broke up with him, and told me that I should stop eating bread and drinking beer to feel less insecure about myself (yep, she's kind of horrible sometimes). He is obviously trying to seem/has "cleaned-up", as he tells me he hasn't gone out drinking since we broke up, he has been grieving about it, he could never pursue one-night-stands, he has been super serious about his studies and trying to stay busy to distract himself, etc. He says he still loves me and wants to be there for me. So we spent the night together. I honestly can't even believe how sweet he was being; at one point he asked if he could ask me a question, and I thought he was about to ask if I'd been with anyone else, but instead he asked, "Do you feel beautiful?" He kept telling me I was beautiful (so sweet, but perhaps a bit overkill. I was appreciative anyhow). He said he wanted to have sex, but that we shouldn't that night (b/c he wanted to be respectful and prove that it wasn't his priority). I wanted to too though, and we did the next morning. He made breakfast, we took it slow, lounged about, and he brought me home in the afternoon and gave me a great big hug. But I felt confused about what this meant, and whether I want to seriously get back together. In a moment of stupidity and weakness I logged into his facebook to snoop... He had friended, followed, & messaged a super pretty girl an hour after dropping me off, saying how excited he was about their class's field trip coming up and how they should study together sometime. He also looked through/liked a bunch of her pictures. I know this isn't a huge deal, but I feel strange that it had to be this beautiful girl he barely knows when he has lots of other girl/guy friends going on the trip that he could have initiated a message with. And why immediately after he spent the night with the girl he supposedly still loves? Also, she looks like me before I cut and died my long, blonde hair (his preference)... I just wish I didn't feel this way, that I need to snoop to make sure I can trust people. But is he giving me good reason to question his intentions? Ug. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 What's to question? You hooked up, and had sex. He's a free agent, and so are you. No obligation, no commitment. Just treat it as a loving encounter with a dose of nostalgia thrown in. He obviously feels for you, but I wouldn't try reading anything too complicated into it.
Iguanna Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Well nobody is forcing you to decide right here and now what the future of this relationship will be. You can ask him to take it slowly and that he has to gain your trust again. If you really care for him, you should start having a truthful relationship with him, sharing feelings, thoughts, opinions etc. Build a better base for your relationship and continue from there. Observe how he acts towards you and other people, and I'm sure sooner or later you'll know if he is sincere with his emotions or if he just wants to play with you. Take it slowly either way and continue whatever hobbies you have engaged with these 6 months. Don't leave them for him.
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