road Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Fred, I believe that many people are looking at this through the lens of whether or not it's wrong for a child to learn explicit details of an affair. Telling the kid that mom is a WW and is having an affair with the OM, who the OM is, and giving the OM's background is not telling the kid explicit details of the affair. 2
janedoe67 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 So lets see - you know that your ex is not making the best of judgements here. You know that the AP is a douchebag. You know that his morals and modus operandum is questionable at best. You know that you have a young son who has already been used by your ex against you. You need to protect your kid. And all you will do is express concern to your ex (who is clearly in no position to have a normal discussion) and you will wait around for "legal recourse" to help you help your kid. Well maybe you would, but many would not. Not in the real world. This is not a question of your mother has a new boyfriend/love of her life/whatever - it is more a question of here is a dangerous and highly questionable man - I want you to stay as far away from him as possible while I have a word with my ex, see what legal recourse I have etc etc. If you can convince yourself that this is the motive, then great. I do NOT believe protection was Fred's motive when he started this thread. This is about.....taking sides and the WW. The guy is just a lucky break - talk about hitting the jackpot when it comes to making the kid hate mom - he used to be an escort.
miguelcervantes Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I don't know - I certainly did not get the idea that Fred was trying to get his younger son to hate his mother. In fact, quite the opposite. And he was hurt that his ex used her son against him! I guess a proper way to handle it would be "your mother loves you and what ever is happening between the two of us does not affect her (and my) love for you both. However, I do want you to exercise some caution/care in dealing with this fellow as he is not the type of person I would like you to hang around. His morals are very questionable and this is because ...." 1
janedoe67 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I don't know - I certainly did not get the idea that Fred was trying to get his younger son to hate his mother. In fact, quite the opposite. And he was hurt that his ex used her son against him! I guess a proper way to handle it would be "your mother loves you and what ever is happening between the two of us does not affect her (and my) love for you both. However, I do want you to exercise some caution/care in dealing with this fellow as he is not the type of person I would like you to hang around. His morals are very questionable and this is because ...." Actually, that sounds like an excellent way to handle it.
PoopHappens Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Taking the high ground sometimes involves doing unsavory things. I don't believe there is a one size fits all process to any of this. Yes, be above aboard. Yes, do what's best for your kids before you do what's best for you. If it means making yourself look bad, or perhaps not making yourself look good, in order to save your kids emotional turmoil, then do so.
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