Is it okay to reach out after a date calls it quits?

[Maya72]

Hi all,

 

A year after a long marriage ended, I felt ready to date.

I felt open, but rusty of course.

 

The first date I went on I really lucked out and liked the guy.

We went on a couple of dates.

I was totally overwhelmed with different emotions and wasn't sure how to handle them. I fell for him and at the same time insecurities and old baggage was coming up.

I couldn't just keep it to myself. It was obvious to him things were going on inside me.

I think I came across as somewhat of a mess.

 

I do think he liked me but he doesn't want anything complicated and might be just careful himself not to get involved too fast.

And he doesn't want to hurt me I think , me being so "fragile" , which I'm really not. But maybe he thought I really wasn't right for him.

 

He said he wanted a break.

Should I just let it go?

Did I scare him? ( I'm sure I did )

Is it okay to gently reach out after a couple of weeks? See if he has doubts about his decision?

 

I thought he was very special.

 

Thanks for advice!

[PegNosePete]

What's the worst that could happen...? He says no.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best!

[TaraMaiden]

A break = 'let's go our separate ways.

 

if you weren't ready then, it's doubtful you'll be ready now.

 

TbH, I think you need to view dates as mere socialising with possible fun times on top.

Forget 'serious', 'baggage' or 'messed up'.

 

That's for the therapy room, not the bar and restaurant.

 

If you can't separate the two and leave one firmly locked away while you engage with the other - really, it's not fair, either on you or the guy.

 

Let this one go.

Sadly, it's what he wants.

 

If you ever DO see him again, it should be him to make the approach, not you.

 

If you do, you just sound desperate/needy together with whatever else you're carrying....

[SYLLPalmer]

I agree. You never really know what the reality is with other people. It is risky and you could get your ego squashed. If you can hack it then do it but

I wouldn't.

[Zahara]

Maybe it's a sign that you're just not ready to date. After a couple of dates and you were already overwhelmed with your emotions. I don't think waiting a couple of weeks is going to change your current emotional mindset. It'll all resurface again the moment you start letting your insecurities get a hold of you and you don't get rid of insecurities over night.

 

If I were you, it would be best to start going out and just meeting other people -- activity based type meetups. And if you go out and date, have fun with it instead of setting yourself up with a list of expectations.

 

Let him come to you. He's smart enough to know that two weeks doesn't change anything.