just got my killing blow

[acidios]

today i woke up for another time after a dream with her..

in my dream i was with a friend in a scooter bike searching for her but we where unable to find her.

 

 

when i get up from the bed i was in a bad state i was crying blaming everything my self,god,aliens you know how it goes.

 

 

then i was logged into fb (yes she is on my banned list) and talked with a good friend i told him how i feel and he just said to me move bro. she have posted pics with her with others and you are crying for her? she have moved on bro and you suffer? he told me sorry that he talked about her status etc but he also said that i need that blow to move

 

 

i am in a shock right now i dont know what to do. i was hoping inside me that she maybe will call me one day but right now i know 100% that she is with another man and that it was so easy for her to move on.

 

 

i really dont know what to do enymore i was in my virtual World hoping that she will come back and trust me i have done enything that i was able to do for her to come back to me i even cried in front of her.

 

 

right now my mind is a mess i feel anger for her that she throw away our 6 years together.i feel like a stupid that i am thinking her and she got good times with her new love.

[dontgiveuponme]

Acidios,

 

I feel your pain and i wish i can just fastforward time so i will be ok again.

I want to move on but at the back of my head theres still a little hope that he will come back to me but like they said acceptance is the key..

 

Im so depressed i dont want to go out for now to see people and dont want to do anything.I lose my appetite aswell that if i tried to eat ill vomit it all.

[Grumpybutfun]

Acidios, six years is a long time, man. It is going to take a while to come to terms with it all and get your head back on straight. If you are having bad dreams, maybe you aren't getting into a deep sleep which can affect your mood so try to do some breathing exercises, meditate, and get lots of energy sucking exercise so you can just fall into bed and sleep. If nightmares persist, try listening to some uplifting music before you go to bed.

You are going to be okay. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will be.

Grumps

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Might hurt now. Be thankful you have a good homie. It might seam hurtful what he doing, but in reality he is setting you free from your own thoughts of ever getting back together with her. 6 years is long time, twice as long as mine and I figure it will take twice as long for u to get over it. Stay busy my friend. And this too shall pass.

[rec88]

I can't say I agree with your friend's approach, but it has certainly thrown you into an uncomfortable situation. This is good. The fastest way through this pain is not by sitting indoors where everything is familiar and comfortable. It is by learning to deal with uncertainty. Confront the thoughts that make you uncomfortable. Understand them and why they make you feel that way. That is how we grow as people. You are allowed to be afraid, but you shouldn't it to affect your life. Grumpy is right, it will take a long time to come to terms with this, but you will come out a better person. I know you can't see it now, but trust us! You got this

[Tripz]

I signed the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage paperwork, on last Tuesday. I helped move my soon to be ex-wife out of the house, into her own apt, Friday and Sat. My son started his first "week" (50/50 every other week), last night. Tomorrow, is the 25th anniversary of the day I met her (There's some sick irony). We were married exactly 1 1/2 years later, 23 years ago. While she didn't leave me because of another man, she has had another man in her life for at least 1 1/2 years. Not sure when it went from an emotional affair to a sexual one, but I only truly found out 60 days ago. It has been the most intense emotional roller coaster ride I've ever been through. Through all it, however, I've never felt mad or even angry. Perhaps that's because I know I'm partially to blame. Had I treated her right (no abuse, but just not being the man she wanted me to be), perhaps I'd be able to evoke anger as an emotion. I don't even hate the other guy. He was a very good friend. While it hurts like hell to think of them in bed together, I'm learning to turn those thoughts off. Saturday, I needed help moving some large furniture, so I thought, screw it, and called him to help. It was actually really good. I even hugged him when I saw him and said sometime, we need to sit down and talk, but for today, just help. He did and I think it really started to help bridge an incredible chasm, keeping all of us from working through this BS. I want to be in my wife's life. I want her to know that when her life becomes crap (and it will with this guy, who is a recovering alcoholic), she can still come to me. She's actually a wonderful woman and I screwed it all up first. I'm not happy that it led to her affair, but "I" can understand it. I'm rejecting people who say I'm crazy for not throwing her out, yelling and screaming or otherwise. She's the mother of my son and he needs to see that this is how real adults handle their big problems. He doesn't know about the other guy, who's own daughter and my son are close. Our families used to be close, before his and his ex-wife's split, sharing 3 or 4 Thanksgivings together. I just cannot throw all of those memories and activities together away for nothing. IF...I can be the bigger person, even though I'm hurting the worst, then so be it. And I do hurt. Sometimes, like has been said before, I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I've even asked God to just take me. Of course He won't and as time progresses, it is getting slowly easier. I had one friend tell me it will be about 5 years, so dig in. My first night alone in my own house, ever, was last night. I have never ever felt so alone. But, I'm a survivor and I will survive. I may even one day feel like setting out to find someone to share my time with. Right now, I'm mourning the loss of the woman I believe was given to me by God. Man, if I could only go back in time. 23 years married is sooooo long. What a friggin waste...

 

I really feel for you Acidios. I know what you are feeling. I think we all do here. What I find that sucks the worst is that it's truly something you have to go through by yourself. Sure, you can surround yourself with loving friends and family, but it's like having cancer...Only you can go through it. No one can go through it for you. No one can know all of your thoughts and emotions at the moment you have them. Sometimes, I still have these weird moments, when I think I'm dreaming all of this crap. But instantly, I realize it's all real. It's all happening or happened and NOTHING I can do will ever change it. She's gone, probably forever. Saturday night was the first night she no longer slept in the same house as me and it occurred to me that I'll NEVER share her house or bed again.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

I signed the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage paperwork, on last Tuesday. I helped move my soon to be ex-wife out of the house, into her own apt, Friday and Sat. My son started his first "week" (50/50 every other week), last night. Tomorrow, is the 25th anniversary of the day I met her (There's some sick irony). We were married exactly 1 1/2 years later, 23 years ago. While she didn't leave me because of another man, she has had another man in her life for at least 1 1/2 years. Not sure when it went from an emotional affair to a sexual one, but I only truly found out 60 days ago. It has been the most intense emotional roller coaster ride I've ever been through. Through all it, however, I've never felt mad or even angry. Perhaps that's because I know I'm partially to blame. Had I treated her right (no abuse, but just not being the man she wanted me to be), perhaps I'd be able to evoke anger as an emotion. I don't even hate the other guy. He was a very good friend. While it hurts like hell to think of them in bed together, I'm learning to turn those thoughts off. Saturday, I needed help moving some large furniture, so I thought, screw it, and called him to help. It was actually really good. I even hugged him when I saw him and said sometime, we need to sit down and talk, but for today, just help. He did and I think it really started to help bridge an incredible chasm, keeping all of us from working through this BS. I want to be in my wife's life. I want her to know that when her life becomes crap (and it will with this guy, who is a recovering alcoholic), she can still come to me. She's actually a wonderful woman and I screwed it all up first. I'm not happy that it led to her affair, but "I" can understand it. I'm rejecting people who say I'm crazy for not throwing her out, yelling and screaming or otherwise. She's the mother of my son and he needs to see that this is how real adults handle their big problems. He doesn't know about the other guy, who's own daughter and my son are close. Our families used to be close, before his and his ex-wife's split, sharing 3 or 4 Thanksgivings together. I just cannot throw all of those memories and activities together away for nothing. IF...I can be the bigger person, even though I'm hurting the worst, then so be it. And I do hurt. Sometimes, like has been said before, I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I've even asked God to just take me. Of course He won't and as time progresses, it is getting slowly easier. I had one friend tell me it will be about 5 years, so dig in. My first night alone in my own house, ever, was last night. I have never ever felt so alone. But, I'm a survivor and I will survive. I may even one day feel like setting out to find someone to share my time with. Right now, I'm mourning the loss of the woman I believe was given to me by God. Man, if I could only go back in time. 23 years married is sooooo long. What a friggin waste...

 

I really feel for you Acidios. I know what you are feeling. I think we all do here. What I find that sucks the worst is that it's truly something you have to go through by yourself. Sure, you can surround yourself with loving friends and family, but it's like having cancer...Only you can go through it. No one can go through it for you. No one can know all of your thoughts and emotions at the moment you have them. Sometimes, I still have these weird moments, when I think I'm dreaming all of this crap. But instantly, I realize it's all real. It's all happening or happened and NOTHING I can do will ever change it. She's gone, probably forever. Saturday night was the first night she no longer slept in the same house as me and it occurred to me that I'll NEVER share her house or bed again.

 

 

Man I feel for you dude. 23 years is way too much time to have to throw away. And I hope you find someone or something better to fill up the remaining years of your life.

 

Seriously though, what kind of a friend would do something like that to you. You are truly a bigger man than me because I could never ever forgive a friend who screws me like that. Heck, probably beat his ass and ruin his life with his wife or anything he has to loose. Ah sorry not trying to be negative. Just your story really pisses me off , especially this douche of a "friend"

[acidios]

thank you all for your reply's and Tripz you are a great man i also could never forgive a friend who did that. i really wish deep from inside my heart the best for you and be strong we all need to be strong.

 

 

the blow from my friend did a lot of good.

inside me feels likes a cheating even if she is Free to do enything she wants (i really dont know if she had relationship with him when she was with me but its not worth thinking about this now)

cheating is the only thing that i dont forgive to enyone so for 2 days i dint had eny "nightmares" with her in my sleep and i have accept that we are over.done. for Real.

 

 

i will not say lies that i dont get weak i have cried those 2 days that have passed and i had momments of depression but i know that i must do things for my self and change.

 

 

the Real reason that i havent post enything 2 days now is that i have moved back to my parents.

its lame to be 32 years old and moving back to moms and dads place but i cant stay in that home alone now (i have posted about it before that i bought a House for me and her to start a family) i will rent the place and get the Money in good use for me and if some day i find a good girl that will love me for Real the House will be there.

 

 

even in my parents House is not easy we had our First sexual contact here and lots of other memories but here i have lived single before i will be able to fight my feelings better and clear my head

 

 

i have started looking for a new job. for 12 years i was working to my familys business but now i feel that its time to start something for me.

i will not rush and i will look with clear mind all the options that i have and resources but right now that i spend a lot of time in thinking i feel its never to late to start a something new and change your life.

 

 

i know that it will take a lot of time to get my head and feelings right but i have accepted that my relationship is gone it pains me alot and i miss her a lot but in the end all that i miss is someone that dump me and dont care enymore for me its not worth it i will find my way and i know that will find a girl that will love me for Real even if i cant see my self with another woman right now.