JonShmaltz Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Like most intelligent and emotionally mature people, rather than see a therapist, I've decided to take my problems to the all-knowing internet. Rather than pay for a professional to pretend to care, I've decided to pay nothing so that amateurs can have something to amuse themselves with. Bit of past history; in high school I did the whole friend zone thing. Really didn't work out (does it ever, really?). In college I threw morals to the wind and basically became a drunken scumbag for two years. In my third year I rediscovered my "heart", did the whole "first relationship thing" with a "free spirit" and nomadic sociopath. Needless to say, it ended poorly, and poor ol' me received a bit of a broken heart. But that's okay. Everyone hurts sometimes, right? The trouble is that since that time I've found it to be pretty much impossible to develop a sincere interest in any particular woman. I can appreciate her looks, but it's in the sort of way one admires a fancy car. I examine the sleek curves and the shiny paint job, say "nice car", then turn around and promptly forget about it. Now, though I may be a scumbag, I double as a hopeless romantic, and I've grown out of the mindless sex phase, so I've pretty much been celibate for two years. Which would be fine, except for one little thing. At 24, I'm not really that young anymore. I'm trying (remarkably unsuccessfully, but that's another story) to get my "life" (aka indentured servitude) started up. That's time consuming, and quite frankly, stressful as hell. Then I look around, and I notice that: 1) a significant percentage of the "good ones" are eyeballing rings or getting married already. That's fine. Good for them, eh? 2) a lesser yet still significant percentage have kids already. Single motherhood has really caught on these days. I don't really hate kids. They annoy me tremendously, but I don't hate them. But I also don't want to be saddled down with Joe Blow's biological refuse. So, basically, I'm beginning to feel a bit of pressure. I don't want to become the male equivalent of the cat lady. What is the equivalent? I also don't want kids or want to get married. I'm also incredibly difficult to please; not so much in the looks department, but in the ... "interesting" department. So there are my challenges, my fellow amateurs. I want none of the things that women want, apparently, and they honestly are not trampling over one another to get at this goodness. I don't have the energy to pursue someone I don't care about, and I can't seem to bring myself to care about any of them. I don't like kids. I don't like emotional baggage (which pretty much everyone is carrying at my age, including me). I don't want to be the one someone settles for once they've finished going through the whole "let me try every flavor" phase. I would, however, like someone to laugh at the world with. Also, I am going on a long "business trip" within the year. What should I do? PS: Sorry, ended up being quite a bit longer than I expected. DISCLAIMER: Please do not be offended by my "tone". I enjoy both sarcasm and hyperbole and have a hard time taking things seriously. Just one of many flaws I can boast of, I suppose.
Grumpybutfun Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 If life is indentured servitude and children refuse, you are doing the right thing by keeping yourself to yourself. There is no written rule that you have to do anything with your life other than try not to hurt anyone else or be a criminal. Accept that you do not want what others want and that is okay. There are many people who are not doing traditional things and they are quite fulfilled. My wife and I never had our own biological children, for example. We were needed by children who were already in this world, so it worked out wonderfully. Figure out what you do want and pursue that. Stop worrying about what others think and about eighty percent of what keeps you up at night will be gone. We get one life so own yours without conforming due to societal pressures. Also, if you need a therapist, get one. There is nothing wrong with chatting with someone who can help you see beyond your limitations. Best, Grumps
Author JonShmaltz Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Well I would like a partner in crime. It's just that finding that sort of person is like finding hay in a needle stack, a torturous slog through all the mass media clones, jock jumping nymphos and sweet, "innocent" little flowers with nothing particularly interesting to say. It's not that I couldn't succeed in tricking them if it pleased me, as I'm an adept trickster. It's just that, well, what's the point? I'm twenty four, not yet ready or willing to die of boredom. I also have developed an aversion to dishonesty in matters of the "heart". And the therapist bit was just a quip. My apologies if it failed to entertain, as I do try my best. Edited February 3, 2014 by JonShmaltz
BradJacobs Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 What should I do? Bunt to get in the game. Also throw away any expectations you have about how your life is supposed to mature as well as getting rid of the absolute tone with you know that you don't want X and you don't care for Y. You may find yourself changing priorities later in life. Admit to people how you feel about those topics right now but "never" at 24 doesn't always mean never. Best wishes!
Author JonShmaltz Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Too true, my friend, too true. My last two years of college were pretty drug-fueled (edit: let's just say there was quite a variety, and it mostly wasn't green). I've known pretty much the absolute heights of physical pleasure to which sex doesn't really compare. I sometimes wonder whether that might have something to do with the disinterest. Where are the social workers and psychologists? What do the journals say? But you're right that things can and will often change rapidly. Heh! Edited February 3, 2014 by JonShmaltz
Grumpybutfun Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 You seem like someone who likes to entertain, to be "on" all the time and who thinks he deeply understands things and is smarter than everyone else. You aren't. You are just like every other 24 year old who hasn't an idea what his priorities, values and goals are so you would rather not try anything risky or potential pain rather than fail so you present disinterested indifferent hipster to the world. That may be entertaining and shield you from facing some rather unpleasant and confusing things in life, but it won't get you an authentic life if that is what you want. You say you eventually want to share your life with someone special but if you feel so negative and so frightened that you have hidden behind indifference and humor, exactly what are you going to share? Best, Grumps 1
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