CelticGibson Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I never understood why people feel the need to befriend someone that decided that you were not good enough for them any more. You see, when you make friends with someone, you set a standard for that friendship that either grows or diminishes depending on how that friend treats you. If they treat you good, they get to become an even closer friend, but if they treat you bad then they become people you do not need in your life at all. The same applies to relationships. The ex that you want to be friends with has discarded you as a mate, has basically told you in no uncertain terms that you are not good enough for them. This means that the standard by which you both set in your relationship initially has now lowered significantly. Is this something you are willing to accept? To be relegated to a lower standard in their eyes, whereby they will now treat you as just one of their friends? No, this is NOT what anyone wants if they are still in love with their ex. I am not saying that friendships are bad at all, I am merely pointing out the simple fact that we put a hell of a lot of time, effort, expense, emotions into a relationship that we just do not do with friends at all.... Anyway, ask yourself honestly, even if you are completely over that person, do you really have anything in common besides the relationship? My guess is no. Move on and make new friends and lovers...
Musing Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) Hm. Maybe I'm weird, but I consider the "let's be friends" the final death of a relationship. I'd much rather have an ex not speak to me, knowing he could be hurting and wanting to heal without reminders and all that jazz. The "lets be friends" line, to me, equates to the other person feeling indifferent about a relationship. Meaning not only have they started to check out, but are past even being upset at the prospect of you seeing other people. The wonderful world of the friendzone. Once you're there, it is very hard to get out. Especially with a female....go ahead, ask me how I know. I pulled these lines on guys and meant what I said...Let's be friends! They agreed but always had ulterior motives, and I always gave them the same line again. Eventually, they didn't like being my friends and left. And I can understand why. I'm sure it does happen, where you can be together again. Anything is possible. But really, when I hear "I see you as a friend" or "let's be friends" to me, even as a female hearing it said by a guy, I'd pretty much write off the relationship completely. But that's just me, YMMV. PS....would you be willing to be the fallout guy/girl, or see the person you're in love with pine over someone else? If not, then close the door and don't look back. PSS: being friends with exs after feelings subsided works much better. Because you can both be reacquainted with one another and become attracted again. But for this route to work, both would have had to have grown and developed without each other. I am friends with an ex, and have been friendly with ex's when I talked to them months after the BU. But we'd both moved on by then. Edited February 4, 2014 by Musing
Author Timpye Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 That's the right thing to do. You're either in or out, there's no half way. You're more likely to reconcile by ghosting on them completely, than you are trying to force a polite friendship. Stay the course. You'll either reconcile, or you'll move on with someone better. Win, win. Yep I know. Somedays I just want to talk to her and it's tough, and the thought that she may never contact me again is even tougher 1
Sandy99 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 You could accept their offer of "friendship" and then not act on it. I have also done it the other way by saying, no we can't be friends, and I actually found it harder to get over the person. But if you say okay let's be friends, it's a sure bet that friendship means absolutely nothing anyway. So you have to know that. So who cares either way. Remember...it's about what will make you feel better. If it makes you feel better to say no we can't ever be friends, have a nice life....then okay. If it makes you feel better to be pretend friends with your ex, then do that too. The bottom line is if somebody breaks up with you, there is a good chance you won't be hanging out much anymore. If you do accept their friendship request, but you don't really want to be friends, just don't pick up the phone when they call. It's as simple as that. And no they don't require any sort of explanation for your strange behavior...they broke up with you!
Author Timpye Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 You could accept their offer of "friendship" and then not act on it. I have also done it the other way by saying, no we can't be friends, and I actually found it harder to get over the person. But if you say okay let's be friends, it's a sure bet that friendship means absolutely nothing anyway. So you have to know that. So who cares either way. Remember...it's about what will make you feel better. If it makes you feel better to say no we can't ever be friends, have a nice life....then okay. If it makes you feel better to be pretend friends with your ex, then do that too. The bottom line is if somebody breaks up with you, there is a good chance you won't be hanging out much anymore. If you do accept their friendship request, but you don't really want to be friends, just don't pick up the phone when they call. It's as simple as that. And no they don't require any sort of explanation for your strange behavior...they broke up with you! Yes I get what you mean. I have already said I can't be friends. She replied saying I understand, I hope one day we can be friends. Does she really!?
Sandy99 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 If she asks you to be friends again, ask her what she means by that. Ask her what you will be obligated to do if you are now her friend. Ask her to define this new friendship for you. You could try that. She probably won't have any answers. She's most likely just looking for a pretend friendship with you...so who cares. Like I said, it's about what will make you feel better in the long run.
Caliguy30 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 This has disaster written all over it. You need to stop all this now. Already ended badly after like two days. She is so rude. She just messes with my heart as if it's a game. Two days in and just waiting for that text that says don't want you to get the wrong impression. Well don't flirt with me don't say we will figure it out.
TheBathWater Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I have attempted friendship with several exes, as well as women I never got serious with. Sometimes it is possible to maintain a friendship for a while, but in my experience, one person will ultimately drop out once they are into someone new. I'm sure it is not unheard of though.
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